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Original poster

Dating Thread 117 - summer loving!

997 replies

InfoSec21 · 01/05/2017 00:26

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Pavonia · 01/05/2017 16:40

Faron I didn't think I needed constant texting but at the moment I feel utterly clueless as to whether he likes me or finds me attractive. I feel calmer about it today though. If he texts me I will see him again, but if he doesn't I will be fine.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 01/05/2017 18:00

I think that's a good approach pav. Decide what your expectations are and stick to them. I don't expect constant texting, but I do enjoy texting and it is nice to know that someone likes you. I settled for less in a previous relationship I had and I don't want to do that again. I've quickly realised that if someone doesn't text a lot, they might be great for someone else, but I enjoyed texting and so they're not for me.

LanaDReye · 01/05/2017 18:29

Mr Bike did message and we had a good morning together. I really like him but not sure if he'll be happy in the long term seeing each other for few irregular hours here and there.

Just DCs in their teens/20s I would have thought are very different from pre-teens. I don't understand the barrier at all. Perhaps the real barrier is that he isn't able to commit to a relationship?

Polarbearflavour · 01/05/2017 18:45

So I had third date with Mr Naval Officer and he's lovely. Seeing him next Saturday and staying over at his base...we stayed at mine last night and had an 18 hour date including the cinema. He said he really likes me, all nice things about me too, really sweet.

Will see how next weekend goes...is 4th date too soon for the exclusivity chat? I really really like him and trying to remain calm!

He isn't a massive whatsapper but messaged me every day at a regular frequency. I would like more but he doesn't really message during the working day.

justmeand2DC · 01/05/2017 18:59

Yes Lana I was wondering if the problem is with his ability to commit.

Thanks everyone for agreeing that I'm not expecting too much in staying over occasionally. I would just like to be able to go home together after a night out and not to have to conduct our whole relationship in restaurants and bars.

My DC1 isn't at all keen on my having an overnight guest but I have explained that this will happen in the future if the relationship continues. And if he were to want to bring someone back at some point it would be hypocritical for him to complain if I want to do the same. My DC1 is still financially dependent upon me in contrast to Mr Outdoors' DC1 and she is bringing her BF back overnight. I think he needs to step up and say that this will be happening anyhow. If he doesn't then I guess he really isn't that much into me.

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 01/05/2017 19:00

Polarbear - I don't think you can really put a timeframe on the exclusivity chat except to say that unless there was a true aligning of the planets (and even then it would unnerve me) date 1 would be totally unacceptable.

I've never had 'the chat' - it was always just assumed from the start that whomever I was dating was only dating me and vice versa though I know that it's completely acceptable to date multiple people.

At two months in I haven't had the talk with The Nurse, though I very much want to seeing as we're sleeping together now too.

It's all very much a personal thing and only you can make that judgement call

justmeand2DC · 01/05/2017 19:01

Polarbear that sounds really promising with Mr Naval Officer. How many weeks is it since you started seeing him?

Polarbearflavour · 01/05/2017 19:05

It's been 2 weeks now. I don't want to be all over clingy or needy by saying I don't want to date anybody else when it's not really a long time? Blush

justmeand2DC · 01/05/2017 19:12

I personally think that once you've had multiple dates and you're sleeping together it's not too soon to discuss it. Why not just say that you are currently not looking to date anyone else and see what he says. Maybe I am old fashioned though - I am in my 50's so you may be a lot younger!

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 01/05/2017 19:45

Polar - you could just say that you are enjoying his company and for you personally you feel that dating more than one person at a time isn't for you?

LanaDReye · 01/05/2017 19:49

I don't multidate when anything physically happens. I also hide my dating profile early on. If someone doesn't want to do that it's not a good sign?

Polar your date sounds lovely so he's probably wondering when to ask you too!

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 01/05/2017 20:09

Wildcard told me he wasn't going to date anyone else on date one. Admittedly date one involved a sleepover (no sex due to time of the month but we did get a bit physical). I didn't promise exclusivity to him, even though he asked me, as I said it was too early. In reality I didn't date anyone else and when I met him again, we slept together and I told him I'd be exclusive. Haven't taken my dating profile down yet but neither of us are looking.

fortunacookie · 01/05/2017 20:27

I been seeing my guy 3 weeks n we pretty much agreed to be exclusive at beginning but I've dated other guys that haven't said anything after seeing each other months. Think it depends how much u both into each other I guess

dailydance · 01/05/2017 20:28

May I join the thread? I've had awful OLD experiences (ended up with abusive types etc). I'm taking a break from dating & men but thought I'd poke my nose in here as I'm sure I can learn a lot

Bant · 01/05/2017 20:48

Evening. Checking in to the new thread with you wise lot :)

So. MissCivil and I have been on four dates. Five if you count me going to sit with her in A&E when she'd broken her arm.

On date three, she stayed over at mine and we dtd. Before that, I'd said that I'd stopped messaging anyone else on pof, as I didn't feel like meeting anyone new. She was a bit noncommittal, didn't agree to do the same.

I mentioned it again a few days later and again the same noncommittal reply. She changed the subject.

Today, with messaging having tailed off a little from both sides, I was doing something else on my phone and an alert pops up from pof that someone has liked me, or sent a message or whatever it was. I meant to just swipe up and remove it so I could continue with the other app but it opened pof

It's the first time I've been on there in two weeks or so, so I thought I'd look at the messages I'd received, see how many, just out of interest as I was already online. And she was online too.

Now this is slightly annoying. She hasn't made any promises of exclusivity but I have. I've started going off her a bit anyway because she's not a good kisser (maybe she thinks I'm not, because we just have different styles) and while she's okay in bed she's not exactly mindblowing.

And it pisses me off, her being online several weeks after we met. She's not breaking any promises, as she hasn't made any, but..

So... what do I do?

DoIDontIhavethetalk · 01/05/2017 20:55

Bang - did you see the Fuck Yes! link someone posted in the last thread? If not it may be worth going to click on it.

Neither of you seem like you're in a Fuck Yes! state of mind towards each other. Why waste your time when Miss Fuck Yes! could be around the corner?

Allthembuckets · 01/05/2017 21:13

DC older than 6th form are shouldn't be such a factor. IMO, they should grow up but some ppl just seem to be selfish in that way. There seem to be lots of 31-35 women (daughter's of ppl I know) who aren't very mature and I wouldn't accept the behaviour of one (35!!) from my 6yo.

fortunacookie · 01/05/2017 21:13

Bant it wouldn't annoy you if you didn't like her would it? I've still gone online with guys I've not been that into but wouldn't dream of it with guy I'm seeing as wouldn't risk losing him and I know without a doubt he wouldn't either

Chucklecheeksagain · 01/05/2017 21:23

Bant I kind of get the impression that neither of you are that in to each other, you're both a stop gap so to speak.

But you're a bit miffed that she is online when you're not (reluctantly as you've admitted you're sweet shop feelng was appearing).

I've just reread how you describe her and your relationship so far, it's all a bit meh. There is definitely no fuck yes!

Chucklecheeksagain · 01/05/2017 21:24

Apologies for the you're Blush

IndieTara · 01/05/2017 21:24

Evening all, not to derail the thread but where do you all meet these men to date? I never seem able to meet anyone

Bant · 01/05/2017 21:27

I wouldn't have gone to bed with her if I didn't like her, fortuna. I wouldn't have spent four or five hours sitting with her in the waiting room and in the room where she was getting her cast put on her arm if I didn't like her.

But I don't want to be with someone who's still chasing something better than me. Bollocks to that.

So I'm annoyed.

I haven't gone online because while things aren't perfect with her, I'm not looking for perfect, I'm more realistic than that. But I am looking for someone who's not sleeping with me while looking for someone else.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 01/05/2017 21:28

Bumble is my favourite dating app. I'm in a big city which helps. I used to sit down with a wine and just message and message. Takes patience but it's worth it.
Bant I agree actually, having read your latest post. I don't think you're that into her.

Farontothemaddingcrowd · 01/05/2017 21:28

Yes that'd annoy me. I wouldn't want to think someone was sleeping with me and still looking.

Pavonia · 01/05/2017 21:38

Bant given the way you feel and the fact that she doesn't seem willing to be exclusive then it depends how much you are enjoying her company right now. Just because she is looking that doesn't necessarily mean she is dating anyone else or sleeping with anyone else. There have been discussions on here before about the addictive nature of OLD.