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Original poster

My husband comments has ruined my good friends relationship

223 replies

MrsEc24 · 29/04/2017 15:35

Husbands comment to good friend has ruined our friendship
Hi there,
One of my good friends is 30 weeks pregnant and is feeling pretty large and I would expect fairly insecure about her body as she is normally slim. This is her second child and we met and became friends at baby groups when we both had our first so about 3 years now. In that time our kids have grown close and we have been for evenings out together with our partners. My friend does not no my husband particularly well but they got on as did I with hers. Yesterday she came over for the afternoon for a play date and catch up, my husband in his wisdom thought it was funny to comment on her size ' blimey you are really fat, look at the size of your arms, you could take someone down I wouldn't want to mess with you' it was said in jest, somewhat dry sense of humour. He thought she would take it in her stride and tell him to get lost! At the time she didn't say anything but later that evening she text me so say how disgusted and shocked she was that he spoke to her like that and he wasn't the man she thought he was if he thought that was any way acceptable. The bottom line is she said she will not forgive him and never wants to see him again. He does not understand why she has reacted like this and thinks she is over reacting. I understand how his thoughtless attempt at humour could be insensitive and offensive especially when she is feeling vulnerable being pregnant and I told him so but he doesn't seem to get it although he has offered to apologise. She doesn't want to know at all and is very angry. If I thought for any minute he said that to be deliberately hurtful he is not the sort of person I would be with, he is a genuinely considerate, loving person who would not intentionally hurt or upset anyone and said something stupid and unfunny which has seriously back fired! I don't know where this leaves our friendship now and that upsets me a lot especially for our kids but I don't know what I can do. What are your thoughts do you think she is being hormonal and over reacting to the comment or my husband is an idiot.

Thanks

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 29/04/2017 15:47

wow, you dh was beyond rude and I would have been so upset by that kind of comment. I can't imagine why you didn't stand up for friend at the time. Why would anyone want to be around someone who thinks that making them feel shit about themselves is funny? Passing it off as his sense of humour is some way of you justifying it to yourself but clearly it's never okay to comment on someone's body unless it's a compliment.

Inertia · 29/04/2017 15:48

Cross post Orange !

PossumInAPearTree · 29/04/2017 15:50

He needs to apologise, maybe send her some flowers with a note. Saying how he thought he was making a funny joke and he realised now that it came across very badly and wasn't funny and that he regrets it.

Casmama · 29/04/2017 15:50

I agree with others- you husbands behaviour was appalling and if you didn't tear him a new one at the time then so was yours.
You and he should grovel.

TurnipCake · 29/04/2017 15:50

I have a very dry and sardonic sense of humour.

What your husband said was just plain nasty. Honestly, what a dickhead thing to say.

Nor would I brand her as hormonal Hmm

AmysTiara · 29/04/2017 15:50

Your husband was really mean. I don't know how he meant it as being funny. He should be mortified.

SaneAsABoxOfFrogs · 29/04/2017 15:50

Incredibly personal, targeted and insulting remarks? Yeah, I can completely see why he thought that would be funny. He really can't see why it wasn't? And you didn't say anything to stick up for her? I'm with your friend on this one.

HappyFlappy · 29/04/2017 15:50

What a horrible comment! (And I am someone who delights in "banter"). It was not remotely humorous and will have made her feel like sh!t! It was hurtful and cruel - I'm surprised she didn't burst into tears.

BlondeBecky1983 · 29/04/2017 15:51

I think your husband was massively out of order. If he had made a reference to the size of her bump or a more general comment about the pregnancy it perhaps wouldn't have been so bad but to talk about her fat arms? How horrible. She is right to be disgusted.

NapQueen · 29/04/2017 15:52

OP were you there when it was said? Because if I was her Id also be wondering why you didnt pull him up on it too?

ashtrayheart · 29/04/2017 15:53

That's not a dry sense of humour that's being a twat. And agree with Becky- a comment on her bump may have been more understandable but her 'fat' arms?!

Rockspin · 29/04/2017 15:53

So so rude. Calling someone fat is one of the most horrid things someone could say to anothers face. And to a pregnant woman too! Bloody awful. On what planet could that ever be considered funny?
Your friend isn't over reacting, your husband is a dick of the highest order.

ScarletForYa · 29/04/2017 15:54

I'm surprised you even have to ask OP? It's a no brainer, your husband is in the wrong.

Does he have a death wish or something?

Any fool knows you don't mention weight to pregnant women.

floraeasy · 29/04/2017 15:54

Something tells me he wouldn't have said it if her partner had been there.

kittybiscuits · 29/04/2017 15:54

'he's offered to apologise'. Dry humour. What are you doing making excuses for this cunt?

elQuintoConyo · 29/04/2017 15:55

What an incredibly cunty thing to say. Cunty. Cunty. Cunty.

Harsh but true.

Is your husband always such an asshat?

greyishblue · 29/04/2017 15:55

Reverse? Has to be doesn't it, no one's that unaware?

Blinkyblink · 29/04/2017 15:56

If I were you, I would be less hurt at your toss pot husband who I don't know well and more upset with you, my friend, who didnt call her husband out on being so rude and hurtful to me.

PortiaCastis · 29/04/2017 15:56

What a nasty fucker

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 29/04/2017 15:56

Your husband is a twat. Is there any reason he would deliberately be abusive to her? Is he actually trying to cause trouble? Jealous of your friendship? I would doubt that this was the first episode of his twattishness tbh.

Blinkyblink · 29/04/2017 15:56

And you convey a complete lack of understanding re what "dry" humour is.

Eminado · 29/04/2017 15:57

I am not too keen on this idea of her being "hormonal and overreacting" - it's really very patronising.

Pregnant or not, large or not he was way out of line with his comments.

Assuming he is actually a decent person and this was some sort of loss of oxygen to the brain or something Confused, then the only acceptable way to respond to being clearly informed that you have done wrong / caused hurt is to be very very remorseful.

Not a half hearted "offer" to say sorry and a suggestion that her reaction is the issue.

Cricrichan · 29/04/2017 15:57

Are you for real? Your husband is a class A idiot and you're not far behind .

JaneEyre70 · 29/04/2017 15:59

I'd get him to send her a very big bunch of flowers along with a genuine apology. He was totally out of line to comment on the size of her arms full stop let alone whilst she was pregnant. And I'd be banning him from talking to any of my friends in future.
She must have felt awful Sad.

PickAChew · 29/04/2017 15:59

Dry humour, my arse. your husband is just plain nasty.