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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Marriage ended an hour ago and now I feel like I'm going to die with hurt

193 replies

dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:05

10 years gone just like that

I'm physically hurting and in so much pain how will I even face the next hour and day and how do I cope around the children

I feeling like disappearing this hurts so much

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2017 23:14

I'm so sorry you're in pain and having such an awful time Flowers

Never much anyone can say to help. But tomorrow is another day and while the heartbreak will knock you over, there will be better days ahead.

Do you have anyone you can lean on? Help with the children to give you some time for you to rest over the next few days?

AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2017 23:15

...tomorrow will feel like a long way off right now. Sorry if that sounds massively wanky and unhelpful!

For now, try and take each hour as it comes. Sleep will help, if you can x

Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:16

I won't have the kids tommorrow night as they will be staying over at his parents. Oh god they won't even be my mother and father in law anymore. I love them as much as I love him. They live me too. I can't stand the thought of another woman becoming part of their family . God this hurts so much

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 27/04/2017 23:24

Is another woman the reason for your marriage ending?

That's a whole other level of shit and awfulness to deal with. I'm so sorry.

Has he left tonight?

I know it'll hurt having all the future changes and awfulness on your mind. But for now, you need to take getting through what's already happened a bit at a time. Try to eat, have a cup of tea, sleep when you can.

There are so many wise people on here, you'll get good, kind advice.

Beelzebop · 27/04/2017 23:25

I am so sorry OP, sending you lots of love. X

Gobbolinothewitchscat · 27/04/2017 23:28

This sounds so hard and overwhelming. I'm sorry Flowers. If your husband has left the house, could your parents or a friend come timstaybto ghbe gou some real life support?

notapizzaeater · 27/04/2017 23:30

It's worse when you love the family as well, once I'd got over the shock of my idiot husband leaving I realised I would loose my in laws too :-(.

Have you rl support ?

Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:33

Not OW as far as I know . Just me that has not a good wife basically over the years. He hasn't left the house he's upstairs in bed and I'm on the settee. I chose to be on settee as I can't bear the thought of sleeping in our bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:35

His parents are supportive. I called through earlier for about ten minutes as I was in shock and in tears. They said he had told them earlier today that he doesn't want things to end that he desperately wants things to work but then I've fucked up because I told him I needed to talk and it's led to him saying that he doesn't think we are good for each other anymore and should call it a day.

OP posts:
tinglyfing · 27/04/2017 23:41

I'm so sorry this is happening. Is it completely out of the blue?

Abraiid2 · 27/04/2017 23:44

Are you sure it's terminal? Perhaps you just need a temporary break.

OhBlissOhJoy · 27/04/2017 23:47

I'm so sorry Dear, I have been where you are and the pain is overwhelming. You are currently in shock. Just concentrate on being kind to yourself - if you can't eat then drink juice to give you sugar, sleep when you can and cry when you need to. It does get easier, you will cope.
I was where you are 7 months ago. I didn't think I would ever get through it but I did and I am fine. You will be too Flowers

Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:47

It's been brewing but we were both hoping to fix things. He said he didn't love me like he used to do and he was unsure of his feelings for me and I've found it very very difficult to function properly for weeks now knowing the one person I love so much doesn't love me back. He said tonight that I'm the mother of his children and I'm an amazing woman and he will always love me and never stop loving me for that. I'm so confused it just hurts so much how can I stop this feeling of hurting. How am I supposed to function around the kids tommorrow SadSad

OP posts:
MrsMcMoo · 27/04/2017 23:48

Could it just be heat of the moment stuff? If he's telling his parents he doesn't want it to end, it sounds more like he just wants things to change, maybe. Could you try some counselling? Stay calm, and take care xx ps I don't like the sound of this 'good wife' talk - is he a 'good husband'?

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/04/2017 23:49

You needing to talk is not fucking up, thats normal.

I suspect that you needing to talk meant that you would say things that he didnt want to hear, like the fact that no one is a perfect spouse, incuding him.. Like you cant fix things if he didnt tell you that there was something wrong. Like he did stuff wrong too.

I suspect that he is setting you up to fail and there is nothing you can do or say to fix this. You know the script you know where this is leading. I am so sorry xx

ArcheryAnnie · 27/04/2017 23:49

dearsomeone if it helps at all, it is possible to divorce and still maintain a good relationship with your in-laws. That's happened with me - and me and my ex had a really bitter, nasty divorce and it was a long time before we could go back to being friends. In the meantime, I maintained good relationships with my in-laws because I liked them and they liked me, and it was good for my DS.

Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:50

Ohbliss 7 months seems so so far away. If it wasn't for the kids I would be able to disappear and run away. I imagine a cottage in some marshes near the coastline and no one will be able to find where I live so no one could hurt me. I sound batshit crazy reading that back.

I am glad your not hurting as much though I wouldn't wish this feeling and experiance on anybody even my worst enemy

OP posts:
Beeziekn33ze · 27/04/2017 23:53

Hoping you get some sleep and that things look different in the morning. As another poster said it may not be the end. Wishing you well anyway.

BlooBagoo · 27/04/2017 23:56

:( Flowers

PyongyangKipperbang · 27/04/2017 23:57

Practical stuff.....

No child ever died from eating fast food for a week.

No child ever died from wearing the same school shirt 2 days running

If you need to cry then cry. If you try to hide it then they will know but they will be frightened. Tell them the truth that someone said something to you that upset you. Dont FFS say "I am fine!!" when they know that you are not, be honest.

Cupasoups. Not great nutritionally but good for you when you cant face proper food.

Original poster
dearsomeone · 27/04/2017 23:58

Archeryannie I worry so much about not being able to call in for a cuppa unannounced anymore incase his future girlfriend/wife is there. I worry about the first time they all go on holiday together. We are all so close they love me as a daughter I'm just devastated I'm losing everyone I love so much.

I'm not sure if we will be able to work things out I think it's been coming for a while now. Over the last week or so when I have become upset about our future he has said that there is only me giving up the fight for us as he is willing to fight and he's the only one who is doing so by going to councilling. I've been trying to be the absolute best help and support I can be and I was supposed to be going to my first initial counselling appointment tommorrow. Tonight I know he meant it as he said he was sorry afterwards. He said i need councilling to help me become the woman he fell in love with and to help me fight my demons. I'm not crazy I've struggled with depression after the kids but I've still been me and shown him affection and told him everyday I love him. I just haven't done enough. I've taken the piss and let him help me too much and got comfortable in our rut that we got stuck in

OP posts:
Original poster
dearsomeone · 28/04/2017 00:00

Thankyou Kipperbang
Well thankyou everyone. I darent sleep I'm sacred for tommorrow. I'm scared il wake up and I find out I wasn't actually imagining it all. What have I done I should have never said anything I should have just kept trying as we were

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 28/04/2017 00:01

Oh and he needs to leave this weekend.

If he has said its over then he leaves. Done deal. Not your problem where he goes, he doesnt get to end your marriage and still swan around your home like nothing happened.

How dare he go and sleep in your bed after dropping a bomb like that? Make it clear that your bed is YOURS and not his anymore.

Original poster
dearsomeone · 28/04/2017 00:03

I'm scared of him leaving I'm scared he will do something silly or feeling low and end it all. He said the other week he felt low and I thought it was becuase he felt trapped. That's why I said tonight "do you love me and do you want to stay in this marriage"

He said I can't just ask him something like that while he's feeling confused about everything. He says tonight wouldn't have happened if I didn't push it to this point by saying what I did and making us get to the point of ending it

OP posts:
pog100 · 28/04/2017 00:10

Why are you taking all the blame? It doesn't sound right to me

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