My partner is upset I now earn more than him?!

[Jessema12]

I have recently been promoted to a management job, which has increased my salary. I also work for my father doing some admin work at home for his construction business. I decided to do both jobs as they pay well and I really enjoy both. However, due to me getting a promotion, it now means I earn more than my partner. We have had so many arguments over it. He's now said to me that I either quit one of my jobs or he will leave me. This has really upset me, as before me getting the promotion we were financially struggling, so I can't quit the hotel job. However, I can't quit the job for my father as not only does he pay me well, he pays for our dd to go to private school (my mother wanted her to go to private as she picks her up every day from school and the school is a 5 minute walk from their house). I don't know what to do, be financially unstable to please him or to leave him, which I can't see myself doing! How do I come about this?

Wow. So he is basically telling your daughter to work hard, get a good education but make sure she chooses a man who can keep her

I think he's telling her to work hard, get a good education but never be better than a man.

OP how worried are you as I think he is bluffing about leaving?

It's nothing to do with his upbringing, he's just a common or garden misogynist who thinks he's better than you and more important.

anniegetyourgun speaks sense.

Bizarre. From his point of view, however, it must make him feel like a spare part - stuck relying on your mum and dad for private school fees, childcare and a large whack of his wife's income, with a wife so busy working two jobs, she doesn't have as much time for her waste of space husband. It sounds like an utterly crap set up from his personal pride point of view. If he were the wife and you the husband who worked in your parents' family business, used the parents for school fees and childcare and worked another full time job, he would probably feel a bit crap as a wife, too.

He's a fucking idiot.

You would be one too if you quit one of your jobs.

Obciously, the real solution to his pride problem is not for you to earn less!

What the very fuckery is this nonsense? I can't believe what I'm reading.

Sorry not really helpful op.

But it's not you here that's doing anything wrong and you must remember that, these are his issues

Let him go. Seriously. Who wants to be married to a stupid man?

My response would be 'This is the situation, this is who I am. I think you would be utterly illogical to leave, but I am not going to do something that makes no sense, just because for some reason, you are uncomfortable.'

But then I had a relationship years ago with a controlling man, who used exactly the same threat to push me into doing something I didn't want to do. Once I had given in once, he upped the ante. Eventually I became so uncomfortable with trying to be the person he wanted, instead of the person he was, we were having so many rows, he left me.

Oh my god, leave this controlling bastard as soon as humanly possible. I'm not joking and I know what I'm talking about. He is telling you loud and clear who he really is. BELIEVE HIM.

What a sad attitude. Tell him to go out and earn enough to buy himself a time machine back to the future.

Why does it look bad that you earn more? Has he told all the world about it? What either of you earn should be private.
In any case I'd tell him to leave and take his attitude with him. Refuse to be under his thumb. And I'd throw his ruddy suitcase at him.

Wow - 'leave if you want to leave' and then wave cheerily goodbye. Problem is that even if he stays and gets over it, there is some underlying resentment which will probably bubble and build as time goes on. It's his problem and attitude.

She calls him her partner so I guess they are not married. This makes it even more important for the op to keep her financial independence.OP are you both on the deeds of your house?

What an arse!

Leave.

"If you want to earn more than me, get a better paid job or a promotion."

Tough love and a kick up the bum (or therapy) are needed here I think.

Agree with Pictish. He sounds quite stupid. Why are you even with him? You sound a motivated and dynamic person.

Tell him to step up his game if he's uncomfortable. No need for you to renounce your hard earned money and your talent just so that you can mask his mediocrity. His attitude is completely immature.

This is a huge red flag OP and suggests at the very least he has no respect for you. Please don't give up your financial independence. If he gets his way on this it will only get worse. What will be next?

What a twat your DH is. My DH would give his right arm to have a high earning partner enabling him to become a SAHD. Unfortunately he's stuck with me who doesn't have high earning potential which is why I'm the SAHP.

LTB

The only person who looks after you is you. You need to keep your financial independence. If anything goes wrong with your relationship you need to provide for yourself and your daughter.
He does not sound a good role model for your daughter, she needs to grow up strong and independent where she is valued as much as any other person. Your DP is already saying men should be dominant.
I am not saying leave because that is a big thing. But you need to stand up for yourself and your daughter. Tell him that you will remain in both jobs, the choice is his how he handles it. If he chooses to leave then that his up to him and you are well rid.
I earn much more than my husband, he values my contribution, it gives us a very nice life. I suspect in this day and age many many women earn more than their partner and especially with a daughter he has a shocking attitude.

'That is fine dear, I can easily take you off the holiday, now do be a love and pack your bags quickly and quietly, won't you?'