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Original poster

My partner is upset I now earn more than him?!

216 replies

Jessema12 · 16/04/2017 00:06

I have recently been promoted to a management job, which has increased my salary. I also work for my father doing some admin work at home for his construction business. I decided to do both jobs as they pay well and I really enjoy both. However, due to me getting a promotion, it now means I earn more than my partner. We have had so many arguments over it. He's now said to me that I either quit one of my jobs or he will leave me. This has really upset me, as before me getting the promotion we were financially struggling, so I can't quit the hotel job. However, I can't quit the job for my father as not only does he pay me well, he pays for our dd to go to private school (my mother wanted her to go to private as she picks her up every day from school and the school is a 5 minute walk from their house). I don't know what to do, be financially unstable to please him or to leave him, which I can't see myself doing! How do I come about this?

OP posts:
Goldfishjane · 16/04/2017 04:08

Have you told him he's setting a terrible example to his DD? That's on top needing to get over himself....

HeyCat · 16/04/2017 04:37

If he feels bad because you're "outperforming" him, he needs to appreciate your efforts, support you, and step up himself to try and match your accomplishments.

Instead he's choosing to try and drag you down to his level (that he himself considers to be "failing").

He's bullying you, using emotional blackmail, choosing to raise your DD with financial instability and teaching your DD that only men can be successful.

My advice - get your ducks in a row, then tell him to leave.

Sherashed · 16/04/2017 05:26

Assuming you earn more because you have two jobs and work harder? Suggest he gets a second job too if he wants to earn more.

In my opinion, you should do what makes you happy and financially secure whilst setting the best example for your DD.

Mermaidinthesea123 · 16/04/2017 05:26

Whats it got to do with him? Let him leave. Soon he will be telling you how to dress and what to say.
Some men are such dinosaurs.

Strigoi · 16/04/2017 05:34

What the actual fuck? He's so determined that he should be the one to earn more that 'you have to give up one of your jobs or he will leave you'? I'd be telling him not to let the door hit his sorry arse on the way out.

I've earned more than DH several times in the past and because he's not a twat, he has never had a problem with it. No normal man would.

mimishimmi · 16/04/2017 05:39

Is he SERIOUS!! My husband would be over the moon if i earned more than him 😂

Trifleorbust · 16/04/2017 05:46

Tell him to fuck off. I'd be leaving him.

wowbutter · 16/04/2017 06:01

I earns more than my husband for a large stretch of time, and now, I out earn him hour by hour, but not over the whole month as he works more than me.

My father has issues with women outearning men. But in our eyes, my husband and I are equal and money is our money so we don't care who earns it. Your husband sounds like he is very scared, and threatened by r husband has the problem, not you. Do not quit either job.

Your husband needs therapy to deal with his issues.

AndTheBandPlayedOn · 16/04/2017 06:01

Only he can make himself feel "emasculated" (my quotes). Let him go feel emasculated with someone else. Life is just too short to put up with this kind of crap.

Tippy toe around his highness the King of Siam- do you sit with your head below the level of his?
He richly deserves any and all sarcasm that comes his way. What a jerk.

BreatheDeep · 16/04/2017 06:07

If this is real then I'd just let him leave. I'd never put up with a partner thinking like that, let alone behaving like it.

Vegansnake · 16/04/2017 06:16

Stand your ground.he is a controlling cock...do not give in to his stupid demands,he will then demand more things for him to control you over..he will enjoy the power of getting his own way,do not give in....I expect you will outgrow him soon,be ready to move on alone ,financially independent.so you will need both jobs,you just won't need him x

Shoxfordian · 16/04/2017 06:21

Tell him if he's that bothered to step up his own game and make more money. What an idiot.

My partner is upset I now earn more than him?!
Nessie71 · 16/04/2017 06:34

My husband would be dancing around the living room if i earned more money and over the moon that i booked a holiday....sorry but he sounds ungratfull. If he feels that way tell him he can pay all the bills and you can keep your money and spend it on yourself.

123MothergotafleA · 16/04/2017 06:46

Simple solution would be to get off his arse and get himself a better job that supports his family. Is he work shy by any chance?

TheLegendOfBeans · 16/04/2017 06:48

The final straw for him was you booking a nice family holiday?! Oh my god the hardship of his existence tut tut.

My only question is this; do your two jobs take you away from the house for vast amounts of time? If this were the case and there was a big "domestic labour" imbalance he may have a point.

But I'm guessing this is not the case and that he's just a dick basically.

Rosa · 16/04/2017 06:52

He has to accept it..... He needs to deal with it not you.

CassandraAusten · 16/04/2017 06:54

I think it's still (sadly) not unusual for men to feel a little uncomfortable if their partner earns more than them. But feeling uncomfortable is one thing - giving you an ultimatum of giving up your job or he leaves, and wanting you to cancel the holiday you booked, is truly ridiculous misogynistic behaviour. What a twat.

Bluntness100 · 16/04/2017 06:55

I earn nearly double what my husband does and he's a good earner. He jokes "could I earn more so he can quit and play golf", and he's proud of me and not in the least diminished by it,,What I earn is no reflection on him or vice versa.

If he loved you he would be happy for you. He's a jealous ineffective little wanker. Do not under any circumstances quit your job. Tell him to either get over it or get out

Aussiebean · 16/04/2017 06:55

Wow. So he is basically telling your daughter to work hard, get a good education but make sure she chooses a man who can keep her.

Purplepicnic · 16/04/2017 07:08

Apart from being a total cock, he's illogical as well. How is it embarrassing for him unless everyone knows what you earn? Surely only the two of you know who earns what?

Anniegetyourgun · 16/04/2017 07:13

I was going to ask what TheLegendOfBeans did: does working more hours mean you do less than your share of the domestic slog (doesn't necessarily mean half, but a proportionate input) and/or that he hardly sees you and would like to spend more time as a family? Surely, though, he would have started with that angle even if the money thing was his main issue? I'm also wondering whether you rode rough-shod over him on the holiday thing. The decent approach is for partners to consult each other on the destination, dates and all that. But that is a matter of communication, not of relative income. From the way he said it it sounds as though he doesn't have a problem with the holiday per se - what he is objecting to is that he isn't the one who gets the last word on whether you can afford to go or not. Unless you're skewing the circumstances considerably in the way you're telling us, I'm with the "he's a dick" consensus.

hesterton · 16/04/2017 07:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/04/2017 07:16

Oh, and very much what HeyCat said too. If he feels inadequate, making you pretend to be inadequate too isn't a rational response. He is failing his family if you're poorer than you need to be, regardless of which one of you is in the happy position of being able to bring in more money. He could not earn a bean and still be fully worth his place.

And yet, as has been pointed out, he doesn't mind the in-laws funding his family unit. How does he square that with being the Big Man? Is it because it's another man funding him so that's ok? Shouldn't that be worse? Confused

Gah81 · 16/04/2017 07:23

Oh FFS. In this day and age it is really not unusual for women to earn more than men. In nearly every relationship I have ever had, I have earned more than the guy I was dating. His attitude sounds horrendous - none of my partners ever had a problem with it.

MaverickSnoopy · 16/04/2017 07:26

I would be concerned that if he wanted to control your money, what would be next? His reasoning is very weak. Does he not want you to be in a strong financial position.

I earn more than my dh. It's always been that way. He used to find it a bit embarrassing but more so in the respect that he just wanted to earn more than he did, not more than I did. The industry he works in just doesn't pay that we'll but he loves his job. We have never told friends and family what we each warn though. Why would we?! How are people to know how much he earns for him to be embarrassed?

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