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Original poster

My partner is upset I now earn more than him?!

216 replies

Jessema12 · 16/04/2017 00:06

I have recently been promoted to a management job, which has increased my salary. I also work for my father doing some admin work at home for his construction business. I decided to do both jobs as they pay well and I really enjoy both. However, due to me getting a promotion, it now means I earn more than my partner. We have had so many arguments over it. He's now said to me that I either quit one of my jobs or he will leave me. This has really upset me, as before me getting the promotion we were financially struggling, so I can't quit the hotel job. However, I can't quit the job for my father as not only does he pay me well, he pays for our dd to go to private school (my mother wanted her to go to private as she picks her up every day from school and the school is a 5 minute walk from their house). I don't know what to do, be financially unstable to please him or to leave him, which I can't see myself doing! How do I come about this?

OP posts:
Trills · 16/04/2017 00:33

Any reasonable person would be glad at their partner getting a promotion.

Their partner's value has been recognised - yay.

The household now has more money - also yay.

Moanyoldcow · 16/04/2017 00:35

Tell him to fuck off - he should be pleased for your success.

ilovewelshrarebit123 · 16/04/2017 00:37

He's being a dick and it's not the 1950's!

My SIL earns £30k a year more than my brother. He earns well himself but she has a very well paid job. He's not bothered at all.

Neverknowing · 16/04/2017 00:37

The only way he's failing as a husband is by being a misogynistic fuck. I'd be the one leaving him tbh.

Trills · 16/04/2017 00:38

Onto the list - a parter who would rather you stayed at home (regardless of your own wishes) and begrudingly lets you work because finances make it necessary.

A partner who is like this will not respect you or the work you do.

Seeingadistance · 16/04/2017 00:45

What an arsehole!

Let him leave.

In fact, tell him to leave.

Ceto · 16/04/2017 00:49

I don't know what to do, be financially unstable to please him or to leave him, which I can't see myself doing!

You don't do either. You tell him he has a choice: either he grows up, show he cares about you and his child and stops being an idiot, or he leaves.

CouldntMakeThisShitUp · 16/04/2017 00:50

So he's going to emotionally blackmail you into doing as you're told ??

Did he feel like less of a man when your parents offered to pay for your dc school fees?

newdaylight · 16/04/2017 00:55

It's a warning sign op. You need to respect yourself and tell him it's not your choice, it's his. If he wants to leave that's fine. If he decides to stay but carries on being dick, leave him anyway.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 16/04/2017 00:55

Seems to me he has two choices:

  1. Get the fuck over it.
  2. Get a job that pays more himself.

This is presuming you don't just get rid of him and take away both choices.

What a baby he is.

scaryclown · 16/04/2017 00:56

Thats weird. I could understand it emotionally if he wasn't being fulfilled at all in his work and you were getting all the breaks and he didn't want it mentioned, but what you are talking about here is a step too far if he wants you to actually change your behaviour, rather than saying he feels like he wants you to, iyswim.

Ginkypig · 16/04/2017 00:58

He fucking is failing as a husband! His behaviour towards you is terrible.

If it were me I'd call his bluff to see what he does and if he leaves great problem gone, if he backed down I'd leave him! noone especially not the person with whom I have trusted most to share my innermost self and life with will make me feel less than, ever!

Original poster
Jessema12 · 16/04/2017 01:07

He was actually okay with my parents paying for the school fees as the local state school near us is notoriously bad. It's just very upsetting to me as I'm not sure why he wants our child to have to live in a home where we are struggling financially. I think what really tipped him over the edge to actually make him want me to quit my job, is that I was able to book for us three to go on holiday in August, with my money and a bonus I got from my fathers work. That is what really started it off, but we haven't gone away since 2011 so I thought we could go away abroad as a family. He wanted me to cancel the holiday, but there was no way I was going to cancel it.

OP posts:
shitgibbon · 16/04/2017 01:45

Tell him if he feels that strongly about it then he needs to take on a second job to increase his income above yours.

But if I were you I'd let him leave.

SandyY2K · 16/04/2017 02:09

If you split up, he'll be more broke due to paying child support if you split up.

Don't quit your jobs. He's not the boss of you.

TBH... the comment would make me look to end the relationship anyway.

Is this how he'd want a man to treat your DD? To oppress her career success.

ClemDanfango · 16/04/2017 02:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iogo · 16/04/2017 02:21

Tell him to bugger off. Honestly,what a fucking idiot.

Tobolsk · 16/04/2017 02:22

I read this to my DH who said who the fuck cares its family money who cares who earns it

Topseyt · 16/04/2017 02:33

Take him at his word then, and tell him that he has no right whatsoever to try and force you to make that choice, so he is free to leave if he wants to. Show him where the door is.

On his way out, ask him who the fuck he thinks he is?

kate444 · 16/04/2017 02:39

This reply has been deleted

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Offred · 16/04/2017 02:40

Honestly I think you would be much better off without this waste of space....

And I don't mean because of his earning power - because of his ridiculous attitudes.

A nice man would celebrate your promotion with you and be glad your earnings have made you both more secure.

Topseyt · 16/04/2017 02:46

As for the holiday, you go, with your child. Take a friend instead of him though. After all, the ungrateful shit wants you to cancel, so that must mean he doesn't want to go.

Doesn't stop you going.

AcrossthePond55 · 16/04/2017 03:14

It has nothing to do with having been raised by a SAHM. That was the norm when DH and I were growing up in the late 50s/early 6os and it certainly didn't affect my DH's attitude. Nor did it make me feel that I should earn less than my husband.

I earned more than my DH all but about the last five years before we retired. He couldn't have cared less that I out-earned him. But then he's secure in himself and his masculinity. Your husband is not.

Honestly, this would be a deal breaker for me. Because I have a feeling that it's just the tip of the iceberg. I have a feeling that if you look at the totality of your marriage you'll see more than a few instances of him feeling that he should have the 'final word' or that what he wants is 'more important' than what you want.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 16/04/2017 03:17

Holy fuck. Does he have a small willy or something that he is trying to compensate for?

honeyroar · 16/04/2017 03:35

Honestly,I don't know how you put up with a man like that!

I'd tell him he needs to step up and be a supportive husband who puts his family's happiness and welfare over his ego and image of what a husband should be like (à la 1950's!), tell him if not he can carry out his threat and leave, and you'll find a partner who works with you as an equal and a team member next time.

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