Evening Aunties. Squirrels I'll join you on the sad bench. How long are your boys away for? book what sort of auction was it and did you buy anything? Cake hope you survived the party - today might have been just the day to live up to your MN name!
Beautiful day weather wise but I've been so up and down. Fine one minute, crying fit to break my heart the next.
On Mark's coffin we had an arrangement of yellow roses, and since the funeral they've been in the kitchen. I decided that when the roses died I'd pull them out of the oasis and dig them into the garden borders. So preparatory to that I moved the arrangement outside today and It just made me so indescribably sad. And then I moved his gardening gloves from the kitchen into the garage. Also heart wrenching.
Then I pulled myself together and took ds3 (the three big dc were all out) for a lovely walk along the river ending up in a pub so we had a good afternoon. But now I feel sad again. I was invited out to a BBQ tonight but didn't think I'd be up for socialising in big groups and I didn't want to pull any other guests down so I declined.
Mark's old friend P seems to have a very calming effect on me, and he's been in touch with me via text or phone every day. With the dc also. I feel as if I might be becoming a bit too dependant (or is that dependent?) on him as immediately I feel panic or sadness setting in I want to text him. I don't but I want to. I need to remember he's grieving too and I do try to offer support back.
Another thing which occurred to me today was that when people hear you're a widow (hate that word) and they say how sorry they are, I don't know what to say! Do I say "thank you" as in "thank you for being sorry", or do I say "it's ok" when it isn't really?! Squirrels which response are you going with mostly?
Picture from our river walk today :)