Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

I do so hope you're all right - I'm sure you are. My head tells me that one day I will reach that state of a different happiness, my heart at the minute tells me that I will never get over losing Mark. I feel old and tired and just drained, but I know that I have to keep optimistic and strong for the dc, especially for 12yr old ds.

I feel cheated - Mark used to say he'd never make 50, but when he did I let my guard down I suppose and thought he'd keep going til 60 and beyond. He was 52 last November (so was I - I'm 6 days older than him). The tea and maltesers don't seem to have worked - might be time for gin! 6 weeks tomorrow since he died.

Maybe aim for content rather than happy for now- it may seem less of a 'goal' to begin with, not so improbable .
shoulder to lean on and hand hold here ((hugs))

Thank you book. I honestly would be lost without all the kindness and support that has been shown to me these last six weeks - here and in RL. I hope I'm in a position one day to pay some of it forward/back.

Juan you are still in the early stages so don't expect too much of yourself. You are doing really well. I think book is right actually, to aim for content rather than happy for the time being. You will be happy again, I'm sure, it'll be a different sort of happy but you will get there. Right now you are adjusting to your new normal.

BTW, we are the same age, as I thought we probably were. I'm just a few months older than you, I'll be 53 in the summer.

you are welcome Juan - it's not hard to be kind to someone who needs a helping hand . Its just a listening ear x

you youngsters! :)

Youngsters indeed - I am 10 years older than you lot!

I think the advice to aim for content is good.

And a moment or so where you do feel content, even if it is only once a week/fortnight/month is to be grabbed at.

(in moderation) is not a bad idea.

My love ..........

(((xxx)))

you and me magi - 10 years older :)

Drama there are a lot of similarities between us aren't there?

magi I won't overdo the gin - need my wits about me to get my hands on Pot before you do :)

I don't know what's up with me tonight - can't stop crying. Sunday night blues perhaps.

Juan there are! Well, same age selves, same age DC and a love of tennis anyway. I wonder if we'd get on in real life or if we'd hate each other

Sorry you are upset this evening

Sorry your having a tough night. I don't know if you were ever on Zombie's thread but something she said stuck with me.

She wasn't well towards the end but even with the pain and what not she always said there was still "Diamond Days" ahead to look forward too.

I know its a different situation but I think it's a good way of lucking at things.

Just saying hi Juan and hugs & sleep wishes to you.

I've had a better day, I just needed yesterday to let go after the funeral - I can't let go around other people.
Did some gardening today then went to my parents for tea when the boys got back from the weekend with their dad.

Ds2 (11yo) seems to be fine, ds1 (14yo) is definitely more affected by it.
We were talking on Fri night and I asked if they'd referred to John as "step-dad" (when talking about him to others), Ds1 said only occasionally - then said he was more just dad than step-dad, which really pulled at my heartstrings as I had NO IDEA that he felt like that about John. He said he always refers to exH's partner as step-mum when talking about her, but John was just John.

Zombie was a very wise lady, wasn't she Unborn? I miss her.

I missed about 10 posts while I typed that! Hello all!
I'm 44 - feel like a baby now

I cross posted with you squirrels when I replied to Unborn. I wasn't ignoring you, honest! It says a lot about John that your sons were so clearly fond of him.

She was indeed Drama, I like the thought that advice she left behind might help others.

Alongside of course.

I'm 28, I look feel older.

Chasing my older DD was 10 when she lost her brother, I ended up getting her some bereavement counselling (it was butterwick hospice not sure if they are national. It really helped her through it.

Now I'm not such a baby Unborn. I'd wondered about councelling, but they both seem okay at the moment. We are talking about him, about the cancer, being together. We'll see.

Drama I didn't think you were ignoring me at all, especially as I'd cross posted with all of you.

Morning you lot. I'm turning 36 later this year so somewhere in the middle group.

Hope everyone got some sleep and that today will be a calm one for everyone

Juan it's only 6 weeks today which I'm sure feels like no time at all and a lifetime at the same time. I'm sure that there will be happiness again but it's going to be a long road for you all. We'll be here x

Hey Juan - lost you there for a while, so sorry.

6 weeks - I bet in some ways that seems like forever, and in other ways, like the blink of an eye.
It's a long slow process - and part of you will want it to last forever, because you might feel like any reduction of the pain somehow diminishes the love you had for Mark - that's not true though. Your body can't spend forever on "high alert" mode for pain and suffering, it's too wearing; so it does adapt and start to "heal" (where that healing is much the same as an amputee would feel - the wound closes over and you regain functionality as a whole being, but there is always that bit missing, nothing is ever quite the same again).

Big ((((hugs))))

popping in - hope all is okay xx

Massive crying fit in Tesco this morning. My 19yr old Ds was mortified bless him. But consoling me also. One minute I'm fine, the next I can't stop crying.

Thumb hello. That's exactly how I feel about the six weeks - seems like forever ago, also seems like yesterday :( .

I suspect that you have to go through these crying fits as a part of the healing. I bet anyone of us would have sympathised if we had been there.
Well done DS .
Hold on in there xxx

As promised I lit a candle in Rome and said a little prayer remembering my loved ones and all of the loved ones of my MN friends. DS was praying very hard next to me - it turns out that he was praying for crisps . His prayers were answered and I hope mine were too.

Seetie, don't worry about the crying. It is totally natural but as a society we've got all 'stiff-upper-lip'. I am sure that all these tears a healing & good for you.

Your DS sounds lovely - good lad.

Woollyback - I often pray for crisps (am addicted to them) but my prayers are rarely answered. (If they were I'd be the size of a house)

Sweetie - not seetie. I am not mad, merely muddled!