Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

Morning Juan - I'm rather hoping you managed some sleep eventually.
I think that when you are ready a job, however big or small may be very beneficial- it will give you another, external focus.
Re the reunion, It's wise not to go I think , it would be more salt in the wound IMO.
I will try to pop in again - I have my 4 year old DGS today , so normally run around like a mad thing , but thoughts and prayers xxx

Morning, you're all early birds! Fell asleep at about 4.30 til 7.30. Tired now but have lots on today - glad there's no running after 4yr olds, that would be beyond me at the minute. Good luck book!

Yes I won't rush into a job - don't need any added stress. But if I can find something suitable I dare say the money and the distraction will help. Dd is due to move out and live with her boyfriend this year, and I expect ds1 will also leave before too long. So my nest will be halved in size. Will need to consider things like downsizing perhaps. But not yet. Hope everyone has a good day.

I can't remember if you have seen the Dr re your sleep (or lack of it!) ??

Every piece of advice I have heard about bereavement says (if you possibly can) to make no major changes for a year or so. I think that is very wise.

Will be thinking of you - must off to Tesco for a shop. The thrill....

Aw, I've been thinking of you (even if I've only just managed to switch laptop on)

Whoops, bloody thing just posted by itself!

I agree with not making changes too quickly especially with regards the house as I imagine you all have lots of memories there.

If you enjoy the volunteering and want to go out to work, that would probably be a great way to start a new normal but definitely don't take on too much. The grieving process sounds exhausting and your children may be leaving the nest but I'm sure they will still need support in the coming months too.

Now I'm just jabbering on without any experience, so I'll leave you to it x

Sorry you had a rough nights sleep Juan I would try and see a GP, lack of sleep or a messed up pattern can really mess with your mood. You have enough to deal with as it is.

Il echo what PP have said about change, I was told it's the first year when it can be unwise too.

Hope your feeling a bit better today

Evening all, thank you for your concern as ever. Magi did you leave Tesco intact? The shop intact, not you or your person!

Cake all jabber is welcome, and gratefully received. I'll get round to seeing the doc Mortificado, I really will - sleep was the one thing I was good at so I do need to sort it. Prob be after the Easter hols now though.

Been busy today which is good I think. Nipped to the Coop round the corner and bumped into first one, then another elderly neighbour, both male. I was fine until they started offering condolences - at which point I started crying. Oh I felt so sorry for them both - they looked so uncomfortable and awkward, god love them :).

I'll keep going then

Just going to get DS off to bed and then I'm going to jog - I'm really not a jogger, but trying to do C25K and improve my fitness then I need to work on my chocolate habit

I know it's probably hard to prioritise yourself in all of this with so much going on, but I agree that the GP/sleep is really important. If you get an appointment made it probably will be 2 weeks from now anyway thanks to the state of things (at my GP anyway).

Have you managed to find a book or 2 to keep you going through your long nights?

Poor dears, glad that they did at least chat to you even if hard for all of you. Guessing things will get easier as the days and weeks pass in terms of the every day sort of jobs/going places. No one will think it strange if you do cry though.

Hope tonight brings a bit more shut eye. Will check in with you tomorrow.

Evening Juan - just sat down - DGS has gone home now. Love him to bits , but he is a ball of energy.
I think it will be good that you have been busy today - it may allow you to sleep hopefully.
I suspect you will have to get used to other people being embarrassed almost to mention Mark , or feel comfortable , as they don't know what to say or do.
Thoughts and prayers xx ((hugs))

Thank you Cake and good luck with the jog. I admire your energy and commitment. I might even emulate you one day in the very distant future.

Books - I reread Cotillion and The Talisman Ring (Georgette Heyer) over the last couple of nights and I did buy something that book suggested but can't remember what at the minute - my brain is shot! I'm going to look at the Radio 4 website later as well as Bagel suggested.

Oh evening book, cross posted. I admire your energy too - just the thought of an energetic four year old wears me out! Well done and enjoy your sit down :)

I will! - along with a damp flannel on the forehead . He only comes once a week , so have time to recover. (Mind you the kitchen floor is covered in sprinkles - we were decorating biscuits with smarties, melted white chocolate and said sprinkles....)
trying to remember - it was Charing Cross Rd, Diary of a Provincial Lady and The Cat Who Came in from the Cold I think... Reluctant Widow and Frederica are my favourite GH's :)

You sound like a lovely grandma book.

I'm in tears again - no discernible reason. I miss him :(

Sweetie, you will always miss him.

Don't worry about the tears - they are catharthic.

Just make sure you are drinking enough water to keep yourself hydrated.

Tesco survived me!

Book - I am very jealous - my PFGC lives 'forrin' & only see them 3/4 times a year.

Just cry. I think it is necessary, and you can't control it. Go with the flow is such a ridiculous statement in this case, but oh so true. I've heard it said that each tear represents a moment of love, if that is true, then cry all you need to.

Sleep. My sleep has been totally off with grieving. Can't stay in bed or can't get out - swings between both. Can't wait until I have some quality in there, but do agree it is best to get it sorted out before it becomes habit as mine has. I used to be a great sleeper.

Oh lovely it's still such early days for you of course you miss him

Sometimes a good cry can do the world of good. This saying (you probably know it) helped me a bit during the worst.

Tears are good, cathartic and cleansing. I agree with everyone else a trip to the doctor is in order to help with the sleep.

I'm just back from walking the dogs up a mountain & I am knackered. So are the dogs, who are now asleep. The views at the top were worth it, and it was so peaceful. All I could hear was birdsong. It was lovely.

Ds2 said to me earlier when I was giving him a bedtime cuddle "don't be sad mum, it makes me sad too".
I'm so so sad and I miss him so much and it's just so rubbish that we had such a short time together.

So yeah, I'm with you on the crying Juan.

Juan, I don't think you need anyone to tell you that you have every reason to cry - you've lost your life partner. Why wouldn't you?
I don't think anyone was embarrassed.... It's that famous old 'British stiff upper lip' thing.
I wish we as a nation found it easier to talk about grief.
Personally, I think the nations where they wail, gnash their teeth and generally let it out have it right. It's good to feel you can express your emotions.
You're doing brilliantly, by the way.
KOKO my lovely.
(P.S. That is a title reserved for very special people - so you're honoured! )

Chasing it's incredibly hard being strong for DC when suffering oneself

Evening Juan - i try to be a good grandma - he is very precious only GC . ( I know am exceedingly lucky magi)
There is no stop sign for grief - it isn't a yes/no situation. Hopefully , over time you will still grieve, but cry less. But in truth , we are all different, and cope differently. You can only do it your way.

Such very wise words from bookbook.

You are walking your very own hard road.

We are by the side for you.

(((xxx)))

I still blubb away randomly years after losing my DH, juan

It happens out of the blue, maybe I'll come across a photo or remember something we did, or, like the other day, I sent him a silly postcard where I was staying away for work, and the words I used were so happy and upbeat, all about Can't wait to be back at the weekend etc. Big blurrrrbbb.

We're all here for you, us Aunties, the MNetters, as and when!

I will be going to the Palm Sunday service where we all walk through the village with a donkey, and end up at the Church, the one where I lit the red candle for your Mark on the day of his funeral.

I'm not particularly religious, but I believe in the power of love, and our oldy woldy Church has been there for centuries, so I imagine all the love that has been celebrated from the births marriages and funerals, makes it a wonderful place to hang out.

I will save a special thought for you and all the MNers who have sad losses.

Just checking in before the day gets very busy.

Thinking of you Juan and Squirrel