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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

989 replies

JuanPotatoTwo · 29/03/2017 17:10

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
19
UnbornMortificado · 28/04/2017 22:44

Juan what a remarkably thoughtless comparison to make Angry

I haven't seen Chasing about I hope she's ok.

magimedi · 28/04/2017 23:05

Juan - some people are just utter fuck wits & totally insensitive.

Times like you are going through really show you who your friends are.

But I was cheered to hear you've had an OK day.

How is the sleeping? How is the eating?

My love to you - as ever -

(((xxx)))

bookbook · 28/04/2017 23:06

well, time for my bed I think
Good night all , sleep well
Thoughts and Prayers xx

daisychain01 · 29/04/2017 04:45

Hi, its the early shift here. Goodness knows what's the matter with my body clock at the mo. I seem to wake up very early. But do eventually nod off again. So this is just a quick check in to say hi.

juan hmmm yes, unfortunately self absorption is an unattractive trait. Especially in a friend - what would it take to put aside one's own feelings for more than a minute?! I truly empathise, I've had a few hum-dingers said to me, I think people can be a bit awkward so come out with meaningless crap instead Grin.

Your get together will be something to look forward to, having those people who know and cared for Mark together, will be a lovely thing because it keeps his memory alive and you know he remains special in the lives of so many. I notice upthread you mentioned how Mark volunteered for a couple of charities. That is amazing given his own health challenges plus working as well. The more you say about him the greater his hero status to the MNetters!

unborn just to let you know Squirrels is doing OK (she's amazing!), not sure if you know, her thread is still running.

The eyelids droop, maybe time for a zizzzz. Early shift over-and-out xx

Chasingsquirrels · 29/04/2017 05:57

Sorry I have been a bit absent recently, I've been reading but not having the energy to post. And now having jot posted it's harder to reply to everyone.

I'm not convinced about "doing okay", I'm certainly more down than I have been (and I don't feel amazing in any way - but thanks daisychain).

Juan 'friend' sounds very insensitive - divorce is a kind of bereavement, but having gone through that years ago you'd think it would make her more sensitive to your current situation .
I agree with the others about the get together.
How is your sleeping, have the tablets helped? I'm more tired than normal, going to bed a bit earlier or having a nap late afternoon but then sleeping okay and waking around 6am which I would rather was 7am.

Hugs to all.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 29/04/2017 06:42

Morning all - early shift here too.

Hugs to everyone. Off to Star Wars day with the small...

Chasingsquirrels · 29/04/2017 07:42

Star Wars day sounds, umm, fun? Hope you all enjoy it Cake.

I went back to sleep for an hour or so which was good. Feel more awake now.

magimedi · 29/04/2017 07:47

Woke early as well - seagulls making a real din. I am about 4 miles inland & in the Spring they seem to hang around here a lot. ANother couple of weeks & they will have gone off back to the beach!

Squirrels - No need to apologise - these threads are for you & your comfort. No one expects you (or ELPesky) to feel any sort of obligation to post on them.

Still no rain.

Chasingsquirrels · 29/04/2017 07:54

Seagulls are real bullies aren't they. We have loads of wood pigeons around which eat my hen food, but better than seagulls.

Have you missed your chance for rain then? We had a fair amount (for east anglia) the last couple of days but the forecast is much better for the coming week. And lovely by the end of next week - just in time for me to go back to work.

(Tennis ignorance here - who is Pot?)

magimedi · 29/04/2017 08:00

Pot is Juan Martin del Potro. An amazing tennis player who both Juan & I adore & fight over.

He is the reason for Juan's name & the reason I refer to her as ElPeskyJuan as she is a rival in my eyes,

Picture to show you his beauty - don't you dare go near him!! Grin

(We are both slightly deluded old woman, however!)

Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on
Chasingsquirrels · 29/04/2017 08:39

Smile thank you medi, at least I'll know who you are talking about now!

magimedi · 29/04/2017 08:43

And to answer your other question, yes, I think we have missed all rain. I am in East Sussex & I know it is a dry place but this winter & spring have been exceptionally dry.

daisychain01 · 29/04/2017 08:48

Phwarrr he's a bit of a tasty hunk Blush I won't 'muscle' in (pun intended) though, more than my life's worth lol

Talking of tennis, OMG the latest bad behaviour of Nastase. Back in the day, he was just accepted as Mr Nasty the bad boy of the tennis circuit, but knowing so much more about MH nowadays, I'm kinda wondering if he has had undiagnosed MH behavioural issues all these years. He was just awful about Serena Williams.

bookbook · 29/04/2017 09:00

Morning
I actually had a sleep in today - normally awake at about 6.45, but not up until 7.45 - though too much sleep leaves me feeling fuzzy all day.
magi - deluded? never! - no more chance of rain for you ? nash and double nash. We were lucky to have lots of heavy April showers here a couple of days ago. The weeds love it...
Juan - hope you had a restful night , and hopefully a good day today too.
Chasing Flowers
Bits and bots to do today - shops, prepping food , that sort of thing, so will be in most of the day .
Cake - star wars with small? - another long day then - good luck.
Have a good day all

UnbornMortificado · 29/04/2017 16:52

Chasing I think one foot in front of the other at the minute is very good going. I did comment on your original thread but it disappeared from my active. I've just been following you and Selena (not in a stalkerish way!) on here.

I think this thread is lovely, support threads such as these are MN at its best alongside Woolley Hugs.

Juan hope your well as you can be today.

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 29/04/2017 17:21

Hello ladies. I'm not a tennis fan but do watch a bit of Wimbledon every year.

It was heaving busy, but little Kylo Ren enjoyed himself and even had his picture done with a character...

I forgot to take any painkillers so when we got home I took 2 ibuprofen and went to bed for 2 hours! Most unlike me but this week has caught up with me. My strategy for the rest of the evening involves scones Waitrose no less with jam and clotted cream.

Everyone else hope you've had a nice day. Dry but chilly here with sun appearing at about 2.

bookbook · 29/04/2017 18:52

evening everyone
Hope you are all okay.
I have had a nice easy day, and just feeling a tweak stuffed, having eaten far too much hot smoked salmon ( I buy a pack as a treat occasionally - no one else likes it, ) - there was no point in leaving just a little bit , was there?
Just settling down for the evening with a crotchet hook and rubbish tv :)

JuanPotatoTwo · 29/04/2017 21:37

Hello Aunties, so nice to see everyone. Unborn, this is a lovely thread isn't it? Squirrels I don't know about you but I find this grief business baffling. One minute you think you're doing ok, the next you're poleaxed. It's definitely not a linear thing at all. I find it tiring as well, I feel like I'm constantly fighting away strong draining emotions which will swamp me if I allow them to. Yet sleep is elusive. Makes no sense. I hope Selena and her dh are as ok as they can be. daisy I wonder why your sleep pattern is playing up?

Cake where did you have to go for your Star Wars day? I think a scone and clotted cream is the very least you deserve after that. book it would have been very wasteful to leave behind any salmon, much better to polish if off like you did. I can't remember if I asked you to thank your lovely daughter on my behalf for joining in the woolly hugs? If I didn't, please would you do so?!

Magi mind who you're calling a deluded old woman! Do you know, seeing that picture of Pot has really cheered me up - bizarre as that sounds. I've shut myself off so completely from tv/radio/newspapers and have taken no interest in tennis probably for the first time in nearly thirty years! Time maybe to start focusing again - esp with the French Open round the corner. What has Nastase been saying daisy? I used to like him back in the day but his behaviour has been increasingly odd latterly. Yes, Mark volunteered for two charities - one was a charity providing people to mediate for the elderly, and the other was offering support to families with young children.

I cleaned out a couple of kitchen cupboards today. Got very upset seeing some of the food stuffs in there - things like tins of soup that only Mark would have liked. I did think it was strange to be reduced to tears by some tinned goods but then these are strange times! Ended up with quite a large collection of tins and packets to donate to the food bank. Had a brief, but nice, interlude in the pub with dd and her boyfriend, and then a lovely walk home in the early evening sunshine. I sat in a park on my own for a while, plugged in to my music, which was very calming - and actually, is not something I would have done previously. I'm in bed now with some candles lit and a bag of maltesers! My two big boys are out somewhere intending to watch the fight tonight that apparently everyone will be watching ...

What plans does everyone have for tomorrow?

OP posts:
magimedi · 29/04/2017 21:52

French Open (22 days to go) is when I stop being nice to you, ELPesky!!

Nastase has been a mysogonistic, racist shit, basically!

I went for a swim today for the first time in months (have had labyrinthitis for some time which stopped me) & I am knackered. Did half my normal distance but within a good time so am aiming to get back up to speed again.

Tomorrow we are going to see Magnificent Motors

A highlight of the year for DH & I quite enjoy it, especially if I can have some chips & a beer!!

bookbook · 29/04/2017 22:33

ooooh labyrinthitis magi - not nice ....
Juan - I will pass on the thanks to DD, but really, there is no need.
Sounds so comfy in bed with candles and maltesers :)- but well done for cleaning cupboards out -( it is a bit of a blind spot with me ), and you have coped.
Tomorrow - I will be going allotment in the morning, ( picking asparagus and sprouting broccoli) and then I have the family around for an evening meal- DD's choice of menu ( a hangover from years ago - birthday meal chosen by the birthday person :) ) so a bit of baking and cooking !

DramaAlpaca · 29/04/2017 23:10

Evening all. Just saying hello really, nothing much going on. Had the house to myself for a few hours which I should've made the most of, but instead what did I do? Housework of course. Much needed, but not exactly fun.

No plans for tomorrow other than watching the tennis final from Barcelona. And I've an enormous pile of ironing looking at me. Oh and I think DS2 might want a lift into town to go clothes shopping.

bookbook · 29/04/2017 23:23

you say evening Drama , and here I am to say goodnight!
Sleep well all
Thoughts and Prayers xx

Somerville · 29/04/2017 23:27

Hi Juan (and everyone).

Well done with the cupboards - sorry it was so emotional. And hope you had as relaxing evening as it sounds.

DramaAlpaca · 29/04/2017 23:27

book I'm a bit of a night owl, will probably be up until at least 2am. I've just put a load in the tumble drier so will wait until it's dry, and another load has just gone in the washing machine. Sigh.

Goodnight book, sleep well x

TheWorldHasGoneToCake · 30/04/2017 07:27

Hi

It was at Legoland, was very busy!

Well done on sorting the cupboards - that must have been very hard. I can't imagine.

I would second listening to something at bed time to help you drop off if you're still struggling. I remember falling asleep every single time when trying to do my hypno birthing CD while PG.

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