Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

Glad it's nothing serious Unborn and hope it clears up soon - presumably antibiotics?

I think my work will be okay, but I agree on taking it easy and seeing how things go.
Tbh when my exH going into work and being able to lose myself in it was what kept me going, but this is different because John and work are so tied up together.
What will be hard is that everyone will be so nice to me!

Friend called round just after 5 on the way home from work, and didn't leave till gone 7, so that was lovely.

And I had messages and texts from several other people while she was here checking up on me which I've just been following up on, so now need to go and make some tea

Hugs Juan

Evening to all.
Sorry I have been a bit awol today.
the drive man rang to say the weather wasn't suitable ( which was obvious this morning, so no surprise) so we went out. I strongly suspect the weather is not doing us any favours for the rest of the week either The day has somewhat got away from me since.
daisy that is such a lovely, heartfelt poem. It is one of the ones I have heard before, but still strikes a chord in my heart .
Glad that your DD is okay Unborn - antibiotics should kick in soon .
Chasing - going back to work for you will be something of a trial I suspect, so I wish you strength in that . xx
Juan - tough day I suspect, but hope somewhere there was a glimmer of joy to savour.

Oh no Book doesn't sound like it will ever get done!

Unborn hope DD feels better soon.

Daisy that was just lovely sob

Hope that today wasn't too awful for you Juan

I wouldn't care Cake, but it was perfect last week.....
Mind you, I have DGS tomorrow- if they do come he will be fascinated !
And on that note, I had better think about bed. He takes all the energy I can give him, and he gets here early .
Juan ((hugs)) - thoughts and prayers too xxx

Juan hope you are OK, I expect today was tough

Glad DD's OK Unborn.

Chasing good plan to give work a go, but don't try to do too much will you, you need to take care of yourself.

Whereabouts are you book? We've had a lovely if chilly day today, wall to wall sun. They keep saying 'snow' though, these weather people so determined to cheer us up.

Rest of our day not good - all on I'm not OK thread .

Just nipping by, to wish everyone a good evening.

bookbook I did a general scan of my weather app various places round UK and it generally looks dry all of Friday, so maybe that's a good day to book your drive chap.

It was hammering down on and off earlier on which was good for the things I planted at the weekend but annoying for getting out and about.

Ho hum, off to the land of nod so sweet dreams all! xx

Hello lovely people - I'm late tonight. Unborn I'm glad your Dd is ok :). I'm a bit of a "There's nothing wrong with you, off you go" sort with mine really . Not as bad as my own Df though who sent me to bed early with an aspirin when I had stomach ache. Which was actually appendicitis. And him being a doctor and all ...

Hate Mondays now (as I may have mentioned!) and today started out badly when Mark's dialysis machine technician rang to talk about removing his machine :(. The dc can't wait for it to go but for me it was an intrinsic part of his life - he spent 6 hours every other day on it, and it bought him time and quality of life (to an extent). I've said I want to be out when they collect it. Then his dialysis nurse rang and we've arranged to meet for coffee in a couple of weeks so that was good. Then ds3's car failed it's mot - money and hassle! Then I met up with a friend I haven't seen in over a year which was lovely.

Squirrels sounds like you've had a good day, in so far as days can be good at the minute. Well done on getting work sorted - think you're very brave esp as John is inextricably linked with work. Perhaps that will be a comfort? Dd now works at the same company Mark worked at for 17 years. He is very much remembered there - in fact Mark used to be her current boss's boss! She keeps telling Dd stories of Mark's time there as do lots of others. She finds it a double edged sword.

I love that poem daisy, it's so comforting and such a lovely approach to death. Does make me cry though :(. Still - most things do at the minute. Someone gave me a poem about shoes which I thought was quite fitting - have any of you come across it? I'll post it tomorrow.

book I'm sorry the weather's not cooperating with your diy plans - diy is never as straightforward as it should be!

Evening all
Good news about baby Unborn but uti not fun.

Lovely start to day then rain/hail late morning then snow this evening. Went into supermarket and came out to a blizzard!

Juan thinking of you hope today not to bad for you.

How's the sleep going, Juan?

Weather? Schmeather............. it promise drain & we had a dribble for 10 minutes.

It is like the sodding Sahara here & I am having to water not just new things but some established plants....... grrrrrrr.

Promised rain - not promise drain - wish there was enough coming out the sky that I would need a drain.

It's lashing here magi, so it might be on its way over to you by tomorrow. It was lovely & sunny this morning, then got cold & wet by this evening.

Morning - quick pop in as DGS is here .
Juan - have a good day,- hope you got some rest last night. The poem sounds intriguing , so please post . Will be thinking of you .
Selena - I'm in Yorkshire -yesterday it rained quite hard in the morning ( sorry magi - hopefully you will get some in the next couple of days ) and then hailed in the afternoon ..... But I would rather the drive is done right, than quick .
And this morning a thick frost on my greenhouse.

We're off (hopefully) to the Marriott at Baildon tomorrow, book. Sounds like we need to take snow stuff! Brilliant sun here again today. But cold.

Still snowing here has been off and on all night but thankfully not lying.

Slept in this morning but kids out the door in time😀
Really should be going to town to pick up new glasses but weather not inviting at all.

Hope today is less of a rollercoaster for you Juan. The dialysis machine is a bitter sweet bit of kit sitting there not doing it's its job any more. I would want to be out when it goes to.

Squirrels your work plan us fab it's must be a scary thought but you will crack it you are so strong to be even thinking about it.

Magic will send our rain/hail/ snow your way if you like.

Wall-to-wall sunshine here. Chilly wind & no sign of rain.

Hope you have a better day today, Juan.

Snow? (Squirrels likes living in East Anglia where you don't get snow in late April).
It was cold here yesterday evening buy nice and sunny this morning when I went to feed the hens.
Not sure on my plans for the day yet.

Selena sorry your having a hard time

We had some flakes yesterday (I'm in the Durham Dales) it's bright today but there's a cold chill in the air.

Juan your dad I can well believe it though, I've got a bit medical training although not doctor level obviously but when it comes to my own kids my judgement is shit. I think it's quite common.

Selena - sorry you are being messed around, thats really not on, sorry that there is more bad news being piled on.

Well have had bucketing rain and brilliant sunshine, taking bets on whats happening next as clouding over again. We actually do get all four seasons in one day in Scotland

Hi all, just popping in.

Sunny but freezing here.

Ordered some lovely snacks from Amazon (South african stuff) and it's just yummy, like having a hug from home

Will check in this evening...

Just been for a walk round a local NT place gardens with a friend who then came in and had a look at my arm (she is a physio) which has been niggling me since John died (might have been moving furniture to get the hospital bed in, or moving him in the last few days). She has given me some exercises to do so hopefully that will sort it out.
Lovely morning, clouded over around midday but is lovely again now.
Ds1 just home, ds2 probably at the park.

Snow in April! It's such a shame none of us live closer - we seem to all be quite far apart.

Selena I hope your time away is as good as it can be. Cakes what snacks did you order? Food can be so comforting. Well, when I say food, I mean Maltesers ...! Willow did you collect your glasses? I had an optician's appointment today to try out a different type of contact lens but they discovered when I got there that they had ordered the wrong type.

I'm so sad again today - some days it's almost unbearable. I walked into town and it was busy - I felt resentful that people were getting on with their lives! We used to go to a greasy spoon in town called Dave's (I love a greasy spoon!) and I walked past it earlier. The woman who works in there was stood at the window and waved at me so I went in and told her. She was really shocked and said she could see that Mark and I were soulmates. I cried all over her (no surprises there then!) but fortunately there were no other customers. Mark's dialysis prior to the one we have now rang today. She wasn't able to make it to the funeral as had a clinic to run - she said he was like one of the family up there and very much missed.

I still find it on the whole impossible to believe. How are you feeling Squirrels? Dd and I are very synchronised in our grief - we both seem to get it bad at the same time.

I feel like I'm marking time at the minute. I'm trying to keep busy and to keep going but I wonder what for? I don't mean that I'm feeling like giving up but at the same time I feel like I have no future and that there's no real point. I don't feel depressed as such (been there after ds2) but what's the point of my life now? 3 of the dc are adults and are already carving out futures for themselves - for which I'm immensely grateful. And ds3, although only 12, will hopefully follow suit. Dd is moving in with her boyfriend in July and I will feel her absence keenly. There isn't anyone for whom I'm a priority any more. I'm sorry - I do realise how appallingly self-pitying this sounds, and I didn't know I was going to write it until I just did!

I forgot the poem!

I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.
Uncomfortable shoes.
Each day I wear them
and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad
that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in other's eyes that they
are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are
might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes
you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on
you can never take them off.
I now realise that I am not
the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me
and ache daily as they
try to walk in them.
Some have learned
how to walk in them so
that they don't hurt quite so much.
Some have worn the shoes
so long that days will go by before they think
about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes
I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given
me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes
of a woman who has lost a husband

I found it quite helpful when I was first sent this poem, but typing it out just now it seems a bit, I don't know, trite? And no mention of men who have to wear the shoes!

Evening all
Had a very full on day with DGS - mostly inside as this afternoon we have had heavy hail showers, sleet, rain and horrid wind, along with brilliant sun. Cold brrrr
Juan - It sounds as if you are lost in a fog . Never think you have no future, or feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself . It is only 8 weeks .Your DC may be nearly all grown up , but you are always their mother, and will always be needed, never doubt it . Have the headaches eased?
Selena - I think wet as well as cold tomorrow, but hope you have a nice stay
Cake - my son in law spent his childhood in South west Africa ( Namibia now perhaps I think ?) and he adores biltong, strange meat and some vile looking neon yellow/green soda in cans
Chasing - hope the physio helps with the arm .

A rest tonight for you book, my mum used to look after my boys when they were small and they have such a lovely relationship with her now, it's so nice to see.

Honestly Juan I feel like I want to fast forward through this phase, but know that I can't.
I miss him dreadfully, and there is just this enormous hole in my life where he was. I miss him coming into the house, finding me and giving me a kiss, I miss him looking after me - in words and deeds, I miss cuddling on the sofa with him and watching TV in the evenings, I miss sex with him, I miss his kindness and calming presence, I miss his smile and his smiling eyes, I miss his smell. Yeah, I miss him.
But I don't miss him all the time, I miss him in lots of moments and at lots of points but not constantly.
A massive part of me just wants to replace him - but that's not possible as I don't actually want a replacement I want John.
But, in a way, I've been here before - a different loss but when my ExH left it was like a bereavement, and one of choice because he chose not to be with me. John didn't chose to go, and he fought against it and didn't accept it until the last couple of months, and he kept loving me thorough out even when he couldn't really express it any more.
We didn't have it for long enough, just a few years before his diagnosis and less than a year after it. And it should have been longer, but we did have it, and I'm so very glad of that.

Ah, now I've made myself cry xx