Dh has died - the MN Aunties are helping me keep on

[JuanPotatoTwo]

New thread, not very imaginative title sorry! I can't remember how to link - having a blank moment.

Juan yes I got my glasses and took myself off for a coffee too spent nearly an hour lost in my book and coffee😀

More rain this afternoon just a miserable day despite the but if sunshine.

Been to parents night at high school with ds2 for the p7s who are starting their transitioning up to high school. Can't believe how time has flow.

It's only 8 weeks Juan don't be so hard on yourself. You had one thing after another on the run up to the funeral you didn't have time to process things properly and now you have time it probably feels like it's all overwhelming you right now. It's only natural all the things like the dialisys machine and meeting people who didn't know feel like huge things to get over.

There isn't a finish line there is no timetable you do this at your pace and if today you feel bloody sorry for your self then that's how you feel, own it and sod the world. You feel sad and lost but you know that your kids will need you always and you them even if they are are all grown up or at the other end of the world you are still their mum. They are your light in this dark tunnel.

It's obviously been a day for visits to the opticians. I've finally given in and accepted that my eyes are getting older, and I picked up my new varifocals today. They are amazing, I can't get over being able to see distance and close up with the same pair of glasses! And I am currently typing on my laptop with one eye on the TV, and can see both clearly. It's strange not to have to swap between two pairs of glasses. If I'm wearing contact lenses I need yet another pair for reading. It's a bit of a pain really.

Sorry you are both feeling so sad today Juan and Chasing. I'm just going to give you both a big virtual and put the virtual kettle on for a .

By the way Juan your DC might be mostly grown up, but they do still need you and always will.

My mum has varifocal contact lenses Drama, well actually she doesn't - she has one distance and one near and they just work together so that she can see both - amazing.
John had varifocal lenses with, as I understand it, dots of near sight within the lense. He didn't really use them though, just wore glasses.
I've had glasses, then very quickly contact lenses since I was about 12. I think my reading vision is getting worse though.

Oh Squirrels I'm sorry, and believe me, I know how you feel. I could've written your second paragraph. When you've lost the one person in your life who absolutely and completely has your back it's devastating. I think I've said before that, despite lots of caring supportive people around, I feel alone.

Thank you book, Willow and Drama for the words of comfort. It is early days, I know, but sometimes it feels like an eternity. And yet at the same time it feels like just this morning that I saw him last. I miss him painfully much.

I have one distance contact lens and one near Chasing and I still need bloody reading glasses! I think my optician told me you can get varifocal contacts, but they don't come in my prescription.

I've needed glasses since I was 9, and got contacts at 16. I wore them all the time for years without problems, but after I had DS3 my eyes got really dry & I haven't been able to tolerate them well since. I can only manage about four hours with them in, so I have a supply of daily disposables I use for nights out.

That is beautiful Juan

I got some Fanta grape (DH just pulled a face, some crisps that DS also likes and some rusks not like Farleys that DD and I love)

Went and did 5K again tonight with 25 minutes continuous running.

Sending everyone a hug and a peaceful night.

Oh that's rubbish then!
I know my mum's prescription is quite high - although she has gas permeable.
John's was high too, his varifocal lenses were dailies but he only had a few.
I have daily disposables, having not cleaned then properly though my teens - leading to calcium build up on my eyelids (I think). I love my lenses, I shouldn't wear them as long as I do but it's basically as soon as up until I fall into bed.
Luckily the ds's are showing no signs of needing sight correction, hopefully they take after their dad in that respect.

WTG you Cake

Juan - ((hugs)) and maltesers .Wish I could do more to help ease the pain.

Drama - I had glasses at 8, hard contacts at 17 , gas permeable ones after the DD's were born. I then got 'dry eye' .. I was according to the optician ' a lady of a certain age ' . Now cant have them anyway, as too much astigmatism, and now just spend a fortune on the thinnest lenses possible . I have reading glasses, and never use them, I just take my glasses off and hold things close ......

Cake - its nearly freezing here, and has been raining and hailing!

book same here - from glasses to hard lenses then gas permeables after the first two DSes, then dry eyes. I also spend a fortune on thin lenses. Sadly all three DSes have inherited short sight from me & their dad, so we really do spend a fortune in the opticians.

Well done on the run Cake, go you!

for anyone struggling.

Juan that's beautiful.

night, hope you all get a good nights sleep
Thoughts and Prayers Juan xx

I had to pick up my glasses today as got new ones recently and tried varifocals but couldnt get on with them at all. I was gutted as I am always losing glasses and thought that having one pair would be much easier

Now have distance ones and some other kind of vari' ones just for using the computer and reading. So far so good! Have also gone old school and got those cords to attatch the glasses to so I can hang them round my neck and they are easier to find. Got into habit of putting them on my head but with my flyaway mane of hair they were always getting stuck in the hair and I would put on glasses with stands of hair hanging off the nose clips and driving me mad. And trying to find one strand of hair without your glasses on isnt easy Nothing is simple in this house

DS2 got glasses last year, something that would have been picked up if schools still did eye tests and he would have had glasses then to stop it getting worse. Thanks to flamming government stopping it many kids are going through primary without having problems picked up apparently. Not happy. Mind you he is terrible for losing them. leaving them at school if he takes them off for PE, footie etc he forgets to put them back on for home time or I find them in random places around the house. Currently havent a clue where he has left them this time. Flipping kids!

Morning
Hope sleep came to you Juan , and its a better day too .
woke up to sun and showers this morning. Due sleet/hail/rain .... A stay at home day I think, time to get finger out and get some housework out of the way.
((hugs)) to those who need it x

Juan - Just a big hug for you. As I've said before life will get better. It won't ever be the same again & you will always miss Mark but there will be good times ahead for you. It's very early days and I think the frantic rush & pace life goes on at nowadays makes us all think that we should be adjusting to new situations far quicker than we really are able to. Take your time, weep if you want to - it won't do any harm.

(((xxx)))

PS - Still no sign of rain.

That's great advice magi about allowing one's feelings to evolve naturally and at their own place. Everyone's life nowadays seems to be run using a stop-watch, racing towards some imaginary finish line, expecting everything to happen now, now, now.

Part of the healing process involves putting down some "emotional scar-tissue" first, then as the wound recovers so does the ability to see light on a previously dark journey.

Juan here's hoping you are safe and warm at home, with familiar surroundings and Bertie to make you smile today x

Part of the healing process involves putting down some "emotional scar-tissue" first, then as the wound recovers so does the ability to see light on a previously dark journey.

That is one of the wisest & most insightful sentences I have ever read, daisy.

Afternoon all

What a wise bunch of women on this thread...

I had a super stressful morning which I can't say much about but it went well so I'm so relieved it's done and dusted and I can breathe.

Tomorrow a friend and baby is coming over and Friday I'm meeting a different friend so a bit of me time before the weekend chaos.

Need to brave a trip to Ikea at some point and buy paint for DD's room (and the living room, kitchen, porch etc etc). Being a grown up is not always fun is it!?

Thinking of you Juan and Squirrel the hurt radiates from your posts but it does show an incredible love and bond you had with M and J respectively. x

afternoon
just having a quick sit down with a coffee and MN .
magi and daisy you articulate the feelings so well....
Cake glad you are over the stress of the morning, lovely to have friends to look forward to. I don't envy you the trip to Ikea - its like a vision of .....well, I won't say. I don't like the place , but they have a lot of useful stuff there.
Thoughts and prayers to all who need them xx
.

There are a lot of wise people on here, and kind caring people too. Everything you all say makes perfect sense, indeed they are the kind of things I would say to someone grieving, but I just want it to all be ok. Don't we all though? And it's never going to be ok like it was before is it? Daisy that is a very insightful remark, and perfectly true too.

Cake sorry your morning was so stressful - but glad it's over and sounds like the rest of the week will be better. Magi have you still not had any rain? We've had some today, in fact it was more like sleet than rain.

Lovely Juan - it is never ever going to be the same as it was before. But it will be OK - when I don't know - but you will find an equilibrium & have happy times again.

It has rained here - for all of three minutes.

Oh dear - three minutes of rain isn't going to do you much good. I think the drought in your neck of the woods is a sign from above to keep you busy watering your plants and therefore distracted from Pot ...

Lots of ❤️-felt love to all - coming onto this thread each day is like emotional elixir, I think we are all bring out the best in each other. Maybe we can convert them into medicine!

And no rain here whatsoever grrrr my garden is crying out for a good old fashioned soaking, like proper April shower stair-rods not just 3 flakes of snow and thunder cloud⛈