Hello all. Nice to see everyone. You know when you were young (I was once!) and you lived in shared accommodation/uni halls and you never knew who was going to be in when you got home? But someone usually was? I feel like that when I check in here and see who's around, and who's been up to what. It's a very reassuring feeling - so thank you for that.
book your garden and allotment sound wonderful - you must have so must energy to keep on top of all that. Willow that is a lovely post - you're very right in that Mark had absolute faith in me. Just wish I did too! Drama your garden sounds nice too, I'm picturing a sort of orchard. Hello Somerville - meant to ask you yesterday if you're in some exotic far flung location? Squirrels I'm glad you enjoyed your break - I can well imagine the feeling of coming back to an empty quiet house though.
This morning I went next door to our neighbours for a cup of tea. I haven't seen much of them really since Mark's funeral so we were talking about that a bit, and they were telling me how much they miss him. Then this afternoon a friend and I went to John Lewis - we thought it would be heaving but it was surprisingly quiet. We spent a couple of hours up there browsing, and drinking tea. I bought some new bedding which I now have on the bed - it's lovely but I feel sort of, well I don't know how I feel really. I keep imagining Mark walking in and seeing it and saying something like "Oh, changing things already are you". Which he would never say anyway, even if he wasn't dead! Ridiculous the way your mind works.
If we had gone to the reunion dinner last night, we were going to stay in a hotel that we stayed at for one night just after Christmas. On that occasion, we were supposed to stay for two nights, but on the afternoon of the second day Mark felt ill, and we ended up leaving early, and I drove us straight from there (Sheffield) to Hammersmith. The receptionist was a lovely young girl, who was so concerned and helpful, and she rang me a couple of days later to find out how Mark was. I ended up emailing her manager to praise her. Anyway, some friends of ours did stay at this same hotel last night, and they told her about Mark, and she was apparently very upset. Don't know whether to feel touched she remembered him, or sad that she's upset!
I had another friend drop round an easter cake she'd made for us tonight. I am so lucky to have such caring people in my life. I feel bad that despite everyone's efforts I still feel so sad and despairing. I don't think I show it though - I hope not because I don't want people to start avoiding me :( I do show it to my closest friends - I can't help but show it.