Husband using prostitutes

[shockedandshaken]

Hello - I've name-changed for this for obvious reasons. This morning I found out that my husband has been using prostitutes. I've found evidence through an online account going back several years. I suspect now that this is something that he's always done. I'm shocked and feel sick - I can't even feel angry yet. I can't believe I'm writing this thread. I've read so many on here and felt desperately sorry for the posters, and now it's my turn. He won't be back from work until this evening. I'm not sure what to do. I've got a school event to get through this afternoon. I've taken as much evidence as I can find and have emailed it to myself and copied it to a couple of devices so that he can't deny anything. I'll take my DD to my Mum's before he's back. I've told a friend IRL. Trying to think of how I want the conversation to go with him but it feels so surreal. Any advice?

Goodness me. Quite possibly the worst thing ever.

You must be in complete shock but you sound like you'll cope incredibly well.

What made you suspect, especially if you said it's been going on for years?? It makes me feel sick just thinking about how you must be feeling.

Lunchtimes and straight from work before coming home as normal to his wife and DD?!! 😳 I agree, you're definitely not going to be able to accept this and move on.

Thinking of you 💗

GP will almost certainly advise you to go to GUM/sexual health clinic. They are best-placed to do a comprehensive check and the tests needed.

So sorry you are going through this. How ghastly for you.

Lots of good advice. I second having a bag packed for yourself with any important documents and info you need if you feel you have to get out of the house quickly.

Don't feel you have to go to any event you can't manage.

I hope you have a close and trusted friend to be there for you.

Hope things get better for you OP. Lots of good advice here from people who have got through some terrible situations.

I've not been through this, but have found out my (then) husband was having an affair. You will be in shock for a while - I'd never been in shock before and didn't recognise the symptoms until my doctor told me that's what it was.

I think your husband's main goal now will be to not let others know what he's been up to. If he has his own business, this will be particularly important to him. Only you know him and know what he's like when he feels threatened, but if you feel you're at risk, you mustn't talk to him about it when you're alone with him.

for you - I'm so sorry.

Really sorry to hear this.
How did you find out? Guessing he hadn't covered his tracks very well and left his emails open?
Has it come as a complete shock or did have any suspicons that he was up to something like that?
He'll definitely try and cover his tracks with all sorts of bullshit like how he cancelled all the bookings at the last minute, or how he only saw them for a massage/cuddle/chat, or how it was his mate booking the girls from his laptop and he had nothing to do with it. He might even try spInning the whole 'my laptop must have been hacked' story.

Really hope you'll be ok and have people in your life to give you lots of love and support right now xxx

I am going through this at the moment. It's hell on earth but I'm taking one day at a time. I've sent you a PM

What a shock and what a bloody fool he is. He gambled your
marriage and future together on the strength of his sly
deviousness fooling you while he got his seedy thrills.
For you Op

What a shock, I'm so sorry you're going through this. You seem really strong OP. Hope you're doing okay

I found I could order a kit from the STI clinic - I was dreading going there and talking about stuff

Thanks everyone. I'm exhausted but being looked after by my Mum and friends. I confronted him and he's denying actually meeting them, admitted to chatting and webcam stuff. I naively thought he'd admit when confronted with so much evidence. He's agreed to leave on Monday though. It's been a very long day!

What an idiot

Hope you are ok x

I'll bet it has.
They never fully admit at first.
Next will be 'it was only 1 blow job'
I'm so glad you have support around you.
You've been amazingly brave today.
I hope you get a bit of sleep tonight.
But I fear sleep will not come easily for a while yet.
Take care of yourself.

Well that was predictable
It is amazing that despite evidence some men think their wives are thick.
My XH denied he'd actually gone through with it. Funny how two of them left him a review! And it didn't say "time wasting no show".

Stay strong lovey

I'm so glad you can get out of the house this weekend, and have your mum and friends with you. If they can let you have some alone time and that's what you need, please take the chance.

Sling him out on Monday, with a clear and definite deadline for all his stuff to be gone. Take someone with you for backup if you need to. This is not the time to feel like you need to deal with everything alone. He may feel like he can talk you round once you have had a bit of time to simmer down.

I know things are terrible just now. They will definitely get better.

Hugs OP xx

Jeez, like webcam stuff is even OK. ffs. Its just as shite, worse even, IMHO.

Anyway, after shock ... comes clarity. Hope this comes to you OP.

So sorry you are going through this. He is an utter shit.

Let your mum look after you for now.

Good luck OP. You sound very sensible.

I'm sorry you're having such a shit time.

Hope you manage to get some sleep tonight.

Thank you everyone - you've helped me through today more than you can know. Friend is staying over at Mum's with me, I'm feeling very loved and looked after.

Glad to hear you have such a good support system, OP.

I know you'll find the strength to do what you need to do in this awful situation.

I think you're being incredibly strong. Take care. And although he's said there wasn't physical contact I'd get tested in case he's lying

This happened to a friend of mine. It was awful. She's a few years on now, but is still struggling to come to terms with what happened.

Having watched her go through all that she did my advice to you, OP, is to document all that you can. Get copies of all the transactions that you can and put them in a safe place. Get counselling, as soon as you can, because the longer you go without it the harder it gets. And tell people. Don't keep this a secret for your husband. Don't worry about what people will think; just tell people the truth. Tell your children an age-appropriate version of what's happened as soon as you can (perhaps with your counsellor's support). And don't feel that this is any reflection on you, because it's not.

Big hugs OP you'll get through this

I didn't get much sleep - far too stressed and so much going through my head. Had my first proper cry this morning and feel better for it - though I've managed to burst a blood vessel and look horrendous! Heard from H and he's looking at a room to rent today so at least he's sorting that out. He's feeling very sorry for himself - I think the gravity of what he's done is hitting him. He cannot minimise this. I'm worrying about what to tell DD - any advice?

At least the sun is shining - think I'll go for a good walk to clear my head.