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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Anyone awake.. he's just left us

190 replies

Lf803 · 18/03/2017 03:12

Hey ladies... so after going out for 2 beers then arriving home at 1.30 and laughing to his mate that he couldn't get in he's just packed some bags left his wedding ring and gone!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 22:04

You all have been soooo very lovely to me in this last 20 hrs. I don't think I would have coped without you all. I wish I could bring each of you a bunch of flowers to show my appreciation! You are all very special individuals Flowers

OP posts:
ofudginghell · 18/03/2017 22:06

Keep going op.
You will feel so much stronger soon and I'm glad your mum knows everything. Don't keep his dirty secrets for him any longer.

Once you have financials and formalities sorted you will feel much stronger and capable and have confidence in yourself.

Well done op. FlowersGin

PyongyangKipperbang · 18/03/2017 22:07

Keep your phone with you tonight.

I dont want to worry you but if drug fuelled rants are a thing of his then he could well decide to via your house on the way to home to throw some more abuse around. He clearly planning another bender, so protect yourself and if he turns up dont wait, dont try to reason with him as you cant, just call the police. Tell them that he is threatening and frightening you (behaviour can be threatening without threatening to actually assault you) and that you are concerned that he has taken drugs.

Please, just do that if he turns up. You cant reason with a mind on drugs, so dont risk trying.

MartinaMartini · 18/03/2017 22:09

YOU are a special individual. And one who deserves so much better than that shit bag!

Marcipex · 18/03/2017 22:20

Be strong. Your life is about to get a whole lot better, I promise. If he tries to frighten you, call the police. If he tries crying and wanting reconciliation, talk on here.

Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 22:30

I've checked all the doors and left the key in the lock. I don't think he will bother he really believes I am the problem in HIS life and he will be better off but if he did I would call the police.
Dd keeps crying and saying she wants dadda, that's the hardest bit yet.

OP posts:
Marcipex · 18/03/2017 23:06

Well done. Sorry about DD of course, that's hard just now, but she will soon get used to it. Children are much more adaptable than we are.
Share these with me Brew Cake Brew

Holland00 · 18/03/2017 23:06

Stay strong and keep safe.

Foxysoxy01 · 18/03/2017 23:07

Op can you speak to his mother and say that for now you want all communication to go through her (obviously if you are happy to do that) just so you can have some headspace from him and his abuse?

Maybe pick back up talking directly with him about sorting practicalities after a week or so?

Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 23:12

I don't talk to his mother haven't done for several years. Neither did he til last night. Guess what... she is vile, manipulative spiteful and blames everyone else for her problems. Like mother like son!

OP posts:
Holland00 · 18/03/2017 23:20

Guess that's where he learnt the behaviour then.

Lucyben14 · 18/03/2017 23:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Neverknowing · 18/03/2017 23:42

Wow you're so brave op. I honestly don't think I would have coped, I think the split personality thing is the coke my ex was EXACTLY the same. He was so loving sometimes and then the worst abusive piece of shit the other 50% of the time, he also thought that all of his problems were my fault.
It sounds like you have some confidence issues but once you realise your value you'll be over him in a tick, he's clearly not there for you or his kids if he's out every weekend doing coke. Good luck to you op and well done for being so strong 💪

Lucyben14 · 18/03/2017 23:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 23:45

Lucyben14

I know right, Who signs a note like that? as if I might not realise who it's from or that his signature makes it a formal document! The mind boggles!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 23:46

I replied to the wrong message because I am so slow. Doh!

OP posts:
Original poster
Lf803 · 18/03/2017 23:53

I am not strong at all, you ladies have kept me going today. I'm too scared to turn the tv off at the moment , I don't want to be in silence with my mind while all the dcs are asleep. I think it's been a long time coming, he's left a few times and I've always asked him to come back and apologised for being me.
I'm not apologising for being me anymore.. I'm not me at the moment, not entirely sure who me is! As much as it's hurting so badly and I keep breaking down to myself I am also feeling a comforting calmness.

OP posts:
Lucyben14 · 18/03/2017 23:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Neverknowing · 19/03/2017 00:03

You're surviving this. He'll realise when he stops taking how amazing you were and you'll be with someone who's not a waste of space and a danger to your DC. If he was doing it on your table one of your DC could have ended up with it In their mouths, it's scary to think op. You've really dodged a bullet Flowers

Marcipex · 19/03/2017 03:55

I hope you're asleep, thinking of you.

KittyWindbag · 19/03/2017 06:00

OP I'm speechless. He's not nasty - he goes way beyond nasty. He's shouting the odds at you, but very vile thing he says he could easily be talking about himself.

He does drugs in your house, leaves the residue of coke on the coffee table in the same room your children presumably play? You haven't ruins his life, he is ruining your life and the life of your kids.

Beat him at his pathetic game, do one better than his threats and ACTUALLY begin divorce proceedings for yourself.

Keep a record of all his messages, abusive phone calls etc. And be honest with your closest friends and family about exactly what he is. You need support IRL.

Best of luck to you OP.

SandyY2K · 19/03/2017 07:42

OP,

He's right about one thing. Things will get better without him. He sounds exceedingly immature to put it mildly. You will have lost the baggage of a cold head husband, who is nothing but a bully. Your mum was absolutely correct on that.

I suppose you held a gun to his head and forced him to have sex and get you pregnant didn't you? You gave him absolutely no option in the matter right....

He was also forced to marry you I suppose. He's a useless excuse for a husband and the Coke has really gone to his head. Somehow making him feel like the King. He sounds like Ike Turner.

You might want to temporarily block his number, block him on Social media etc, and clear your head a bit.

I actually think he's the cause or strongly contributes to your MH.

Shayelle · 19/03/2017 08:33

You sound so lovely op and youve put up with shit for so long. Hes horrible and the reason you feel so anxious. Give it some time, even a week or two and i PROMISE you will start feeling better, stronger. My ex was a coke head and its disgusting, turns them into monsters. You dont need that, just keep the door shut, i know it feels raw but deep down hes the root of all this xx

Original poster
Lf803 · 19/03/2017 08:59

Morning everyone, managed to sleep okay. I feel worse today though, so so sad. I Haven't heard from him, I guess deep down I want him to miss us and hurt like I am.

OP posts:
OliviaStabler · 19/03/2017 09:13

Keep strong OP Flowers

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