Anyone awake.. he's just left us

[Lf803]

Hey ladies... so after going out for 2 beers then arriving home at 1.30 and laughing to his mate that he couldn't get in he's just packed some bags left his wedding ring and gone!

[Lf803]

Just found out my 15 yr old dd that's not his has messaged him. Told him she hears everything and that he's left her just like her dad. He's messaged her back with so many excuse saying he's left because we don't get on, then because I don't clean enough, then because I'm negative!

[picklemepopcorn]

What does she know? Have you worked out what you can tell her which is appropriate?

[Lf803]

She knows everything, she's heard too much! It's heartbreaking that I've let her down with two unreliable fathers now!

[picklemepopcorn]

Right, but she understands then. He isn't going to turn her against you or make her think you are to blame. Hopefully she'll learn how to spot a wrong 'un at an early stage!

[Neverknowing]

It's not your fault op, drugs change people

[firsttimemummy24]

Don't feel guilty OP she has got you and that's the main thing! Keep strong xx

[MartinaMartini]

How are you doing OP?

[Lf803]

Hey everyone, I've trying to keep busy. Think it's all caught up with me though I'm exhausted. Feel like I could just sleep forever.

[JeffJarrett]

It's good to be busy and keep your mind off him, but make sure you aren't doing too much and burning yourself out. It will take its toll, especially if you're off your food.

Make sure you're looking after yourself

[Notmyrealname85]

I've just read this thread, you poor thing!!! I can't believe this stuff goes on - he's vile! Your heart will take a while to catch up to what your head already knows but you're overcoming the worst of it now.

[user1490351682]

Have you tried going to marriage counseling? Or did he pay a visit to the psychologist?
I am sorry you went through that!

[scallopsrgreat]

Oh wow! What a nasty man he is.

"We can be as amicable as you make it" - Be warned that means he can behave as he likes and you have to put up with it and gloss over it otherwise its your fault if it turns nasty. He won't ever behave reasonably and this will never be amicable. And it won't be your fault - no matter how much he tells you it is.

And I don't think it's solely the drugs that are making him like this. Drugs don't make someone abusive. He is an abusive man already - drugs or no drugs. For example blaming you for not cleaning enough? Why didn't he get off his lazy arse and clean? He's showing a deep-rooted sense of entitlement there that you are around to serve him. He shows that with sex too (although I hesitate to call it that).

Please don't hold on to any thoughts that if only he wasn't doing drugs everything would be alright because:
a) he won't stop doing drugs for a long long time - he'll have to sink a lot lower than this and he won't do it for you, or the children, or his family
b) he has a misogynist attitude regardless of the drug taking. That won't go away even if the drugs do. That's a whole other layer of change right there.

Be gentle on yourself and be careful. Get some professional advice about where you stand with money, the house, the children (Women's Aid or a solicitor - free hour/half hour; Rights of Women website; CAB etc). Call on your friends/family. Use MN. Most of all, be careful .

[BBCNewsRave]

I've let her down with two unreliable fathers now

You haven't let her down; they have.
What you are doing is setting an example of how to deal with a complete tosser, and demonstrating that you don't have to put up with abusive men.

[MartinaMartini]

^^ Absolutely this.

Very well said.