Anyone awake.. he's just left us

[Lf803]

Hey ladies... so after going out for 2 beers then arriving home at 1.30 and laughing to his mate that he couldn't get in he's just packed some bags left his wedding ring and gone!

[Lf803]

This is an honest question... because he doesn't love me is he just being honest about how he feels with what he's saying? Does it just sound cruel and nasty because I don't want to hear it or is he being nasty? He says he's only being truthful and the truth hurts.

[Graphista]

I'd bin him for the Coke alone!

Either he is genuinely unhappy with you and the drink/drugs make him more likely to say so

Or the drink/drugs make him irritable/depressed/aggressive. Which makes him an arse still.

How does he REALLY treat you when sober?

[PoundlandUK]

Really hope you are OK. Your DH sounds horrific and nobody deserves to be treated this way. Maybe the coke has addled his brain or accentuated a mental instability. But this is not your responsibility, nor your kids'. You really do sound better off without him.

[TrueBlueDem]

He sounds repulsive. Don't let him treat you that way! I agree with the PP who said lock your doors. If my dh ever spoke to me like that, I would be DONE. You deserve so much better!!!!!

[Disappointednomore]

Lf don't be embarrassed at the thought of telling people in RL - I know it will be hard because it's humiliating and as soon as you tell people it makes it real. But the sooner your friends know the sooner you will start to get help, love and support. Do you work? How old are the children?

[Lf803]

When he's sober it's 50/50 he will either be vacant with me not kiss me goodbye, one word answers or kiss me goodbye be overly excited about what he's telling me texts and phoned through the day makes future plans for us all. It's emotionally draining tbh and all the time im just hoping that it's the nice one we get everyday.

[Lf803]

I have a 15 yrold dd from previous relationship and a 4 yr old dd and a 3 yr old ds. I gave up work after my ds and just do a little from home.
I wanted to be like the waltons... I never wanted us to be like this.

[BBCNewsRave]

My mum, his dad and my friends have seen how cruel he can be to me he's so vile with it's words so hurtful.

Good - that'll make it much easier. No need to be embarassed at all - they'll probably breathe a sigh of relief that he's gone.

because he doesn't love me is he just being honest about how he feels with what he's saying? Does it just sound cruel and nasty because I don't want to hear it or is he being nasty?

He is being nasty, most definitely. If he simply had fallen out of love and wanted to leave he'd have done it gently, quietly, quickly, and respectfully. Not this drawn-out manipulative bullshit bullying crap.

He says he's only being truthful and the truth hurts.

Classic line. What a grade A wanker.

(You may recognise him in these descriptions.)

[BBCNewsRave]

Sorry if I sound flippant OP - bit tired and out of it here. Listen to the more sensible experienced posters - best of luck

[Graphista]

I think he's taking more Coke/other drugs than you know. Get rid.

[Lf803]

Thank you

[nespressofan]

How much Coke/other drugs are you taking OP. I'm worried about you

[friendshipstruggle]

Being a single mum is much much better than being with a man like that. Mine was nowhere near as bad as that and I'm still better off without him. Tell people, you need support, both practical and emotional.

[jemimarose]

Hi there, I hope you manage to get some sleep....I think when you wake up and have a chance to reflect you will start to feel relieved that you can breathe without fear of his hideous behaviour.

We all deserve to be loved and treated with respect, you sound so sincere and I can relate to your waltons comment.

Be strong, do not let this complete arse back into your life. Rally friends and family I think they will be delighted that he is gone and will be the support you need.

[Lf803]

nespressofan
I don't do coke I think it's disgusting. I take a low dose of citaloptam from the doctor for my anxiety but that's all.

[Lf803]

I'm so sad for my little children they love him dearly and think he's amazing. What on earth do I tell them? My dd already missed him when he was working late!

[Lf803]

jemimarose
Thank you. I don't think there's any danger of him coming back. By the sound of it he despises me.

[KoalaDownUnder]

Does it just sound cruel and nasty because I don't want to hear it or is he being nasty?

He is being nasty!!

No decent person says that to their partner. Ever.

[picklemepopcorn]

He's being nasty. Please don't worry about telling people he's left. It is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are only thinking like that because he's told you it's your fault.
We know it isn't. Everyone knows it isn't. He's the nasty, abusive bloke who behaves badly. It's his fault.

[TheBakeryQueen]

Please don't take his words to heart.
The fact is you are there for your children, you're the strong, stable, decent one who behaves responsibly. It sound like you don't have much support either.

What is he? Actions speak louder than words. He is pathetic and weak and an addict and willing to hurt you, and in the process, his children.

So don't listen to his words, they are meaningless, and so far from the truth.

He is the repulsive one.

Good luck to his mother, she'll need it!

[Bagpuss1971]

You sound like you're well rid. The early days are the worst as you are consumed by what's happened. Keep strong and be firm - it's gets easier after a while

[Ebbenmeowgi]

He is being nasty (and I'm sure the coke use it's exacerbating that). I fell out of love with my ex but would never have dreamed of being horrible about it - we discussed it like adults and I very gently broke up with him because that's basic fucking human decency. Your partner sounds like a twat and you'll be much better off and stronger without him in the long run.

[Mutiny0nTheBunty]

Agree with what everyone else has said, this guy is a Grade A wanker.

And I think there's a high chance he'll come back. People like that enjoy wrong footing you and messing with your head. They switch from nasty to nice (or less nasty) to keep you on your toes.

Take back control OP, I guarantee you will feel better for it. He doesn't get to just waltz back in and decide the divorce is off. No way.

You will be fine without him. You will be better than fine. Imagine a life not dictated to by his moods. There are wonderful men out there who do not treat there partners like shit; who love, cherish and adore their wives. You deserve a husband like that. Not this abusive manipulative wank stain.

[FrankUnderwoodsWife]

@Lf803 your DH sounds quite horrific. "The truth hurts"? Jesus Christ, that's his dickhead opinion, and its only purpose was to hurt you, and make himself feel better about abandoning his children.
I am not at all surprised you suffer from anxiety!

Can you imagine if your DS spoke like that to a woman? Or your DD lived with a man who thought it was acceptable to speak to the mother of their children like that?! You would be horrified.
Your children are better off, not exposed to a man who has so little respect for women, and treats them with such contempt and dislike.

Whilst you are dealing with hurt, fear and rejection, you won't see that your DH has done you a massive favour. Take your day hour by hour, stay busy, and try not to dwell too much on his hateful words.

Rally your friends and family around you for the next few days/weeks. Ask your best mate to stay, so she can take your phone out of your hands if he realises his massive fuck up and tries to return. Bolt the door and start planning the rest of your life without him.

Today is the first day of the future you deserve. You've got this!

[Megatherium]

Send him one message saying how delighted you are he is out of your life, then block him. If he wants to see the children he can make contact officially by post.