Anyone awake.. he's just left us

[Lf803]

Hey ladies... so after going out for 2 beers then arriving home at 1.30 and laughing to his mate that he couldn't get in he's just packed some bags left his wedding ring and gone!

[Lf803]

Dallyw

He said I have mental health problems and that it's affecting my children. He is self employed and earns a lot of money, he's terrible with it though and never has any very long.

[Dallyw]

Obviously you are in shock with what has just happened. what where his eating habits like?

[Lf803]

Also thinking about it in previous relationships he's never left a gf unless he had another one lined up so who knows.
I'm so sure he has a split personality you never know which person you are going to wake up to.

[Lf803]

He doesn't stop eating!

[firsttimemummy24]

Why don't you ask him to stay away this weekend and arrange another time for him to see them once it's not quite so fresh? Your mum could over see it so you don't have to see him. It's very hard but try not to give into the completely normal urges to text him can your mum come round as company will help distract you from wanting to text him. Remember however nice he may try to be he's the one who has left after all and acted frankly disgustingly. Xx

[MartinaMartini]

I've just re-read your first posts....he had a shower at 3.30 in the morning?!?!

Might be his drug addled ignorance but still, a rather strange thing to suddenly need to cleanse yourself at that hour whilst in the middle of leaving your wife!? How often has he been staying out?

[MartinaMartini]

I've just re-read your first posts....he had a shower at 3.30 in the morning?!?!

Might be his drug addled ignorance but still, a rather strange thing to suddenly need to cleanse yourself at that hour whilst in the middle of leaving your wife!? How often has he been staying out?

[Holland00]

Totally crap for you, I know how your feeling.
My H ( seperated) developed a huge coke problem, it made his already difficult mood swings impossible, he became aggressive, and so so paranoid.

As tough as it is, and you may not see it now, it's a blessing he's left.
It will only get worse.
You deserve so much better.

[Lf803]

MartinaMartini

When I think back now he came in, went into the lounge and stayed in there for an hr, (the side table was next to the sofa this morning so I think he possibly used this to do lines on) then he came upstairs had a shower ( which he would normally do to warm up as doing coke makes him get cold) he was then angry as dd was in bed with me as she had had a nightmare. Thinking back now it is obvious to me that in his diluded state he though he might get some coke fuelled sex and was angry that dd was in our bed and that's when he kicked off. Said I had put her there on purpose which didn't make sense at the time but now is clear to me. That's when he started ranting about why don't I just face it that it's over and be amicable so it's easier and that he was leaving and going to his mums and he was going to make it difficult for me. Which Is when I took dd back into her bed and stayed with her until I heard the front door go. Then i got up and went downstairs to find his wedding ring and his note which he signed!!!

[PyongyangKipperbang]

I'm so sure he has a split personality you never know which person you are going to wake up to.

You said he wasnt always like this, and I would bet my house on the split personality starting when his drug use ramped up (assuming he has always been a casual user of coke). It would also explain why he never has much money as most of it will go on his habit. And it is much easier to hide a habit if you are self employed as you dont have to keep employed hours.

I think that his use is far far worse than you realise, and has been for a very long time. He has been hiding this very well, and you should not feel at anyway to blame for not seeing it. Addicts will go to any lengths to avoid being found out and having to deal with their addiction.

[Lf803]

I guess the signature made it official!

[Cherrysoup]

What a twat! You'd be well rid, OP. I couldn't tolerate the drug taking, that's one of my big rules.

[Lf803]

It is very odd and a horrible sickening feeling but I am suddenly remembering things from early on that should have been warning signs and the realisation has just hit me like a train. He used to say he loved me but could never be with me because I had a dd from previous relationship. Then things progressed and we got engaged on holiday then he used to say he didn't want to marry me if we had an argument, then after two children he would say he never wanted children with me and had always told me he didn't want to marry me. So maybe I have just lied to myself and he's been dual personality from the beginning!

[Deathraystare]

You are well rid. What an idiot cockehead. Wonder how long he will be happy in his 'fantasy life' as he finds real life not to his liking?

[NotStoppedAllDay]

No way would he be setting foot back in my house

He can go and get a court order to see the kids.... he is a druggie. So can't have them unsupervised

[BBCNewsRave]

He said I have mental health problems and that it's affecting my children.

Gosh, they really do go by the textbook, don't they?

Well done OP, you're doing well and we're all behind you. As is your mum and I bet others too when they find out! x

[MartinaMartini]

There really is nothing more heart breaking and soul destroying than repeatedly being on the receiving end of narcissistic coke fuelled rages. Completely irrational and cannot be reasoned with. And I assume he was full on ranting while your little one was asleep in the room? Self centred to the core.

Can you find any evidence of his drug use last night that you could photograph for evidence in the future. Definitely call women's aid and get last night logged, again for future reference: highlight that your daughter was present. Keep the note he left and start gathering evidence/ dates of his out bursts as much as you can.

The last few times my OH had a massive rant at me I recorded it on my phone. Solely for the purpose of reminding myself what he can really be like when he switches. It comes in handy now if I start to think I miss him (the nice parts/ the good times.)

I can really empathise as you sound in such a similar position to me...literally Jekyl and Hyde situation. The way they make you feel small, gas light you and make your head literally spin.

With counselling I'm learning that the man I think I love doesn't actually exist. The reality is that he is the centre of his own universe. He won't change as he likes the way he is and life he has where he gets to do whatever he wants and then goes ape shit if someone dares to obstruct him. I think your husband sounds the same.

I would very much suspect that he is one with MH issues, not you. X

www.cocainerehabtreatment.com/how-does-narcissism-relate-to-cocaine-addiction

[Lf803]

Martinamartini
It's horrible isn't it! All I keep thinking is it must be me why wouldn't he want us m, his children are beautiful.

So anyway I've kept my self busy today and now let that horrible deep nausea feeling kick into a higher gear!
I've seen my mum today who is beside herself with worry and said she has hated seeing me so sad and saying nothing's wrong. That in itself is sole destroying.
Then I had to do the dreaded Tesco shopping so I have stocked up on biscuits as I will probably survive off them for a few days dunked in tea of course! I bought little mix cd ( don't judge) and me and dd have been singing out loud and dancing to 'shout out to my ex' (she has no idea what she's dancing to) made me feel better for 5 minutes ds had his hands over his ears!

[MartinaMartini]

I completely get it. You look at your beautiful kids and nice life and think ' how can they not be enough for you!?' For my 'normal' people it is enough. Some people just can't enjoy life sober/ clean.

I just don't think they're wired up properly. I too can see the warning signs when I look back over the last decade. If I'm honest, I knew they were there but think I ignored them as the good bits were so good. I just overlooked the bad bits hoping they'd get better. But slowly it infects everything.

Has he been in touch at all? Do you think he is at his mums? Are you ok?

I hope you've told your mum everything. You don't need to protect him. People can only truly help if they know what they're dealing with. It's his shame not yours.

Kids are an amazing distraction and force you to keep going somehow, even when you feel like curling up and sobbing - they still need dinner!

Thinking of you.

[CoolCarrie]

What a bastard op.
Sod what other people think, it doesn't matter, speak to the people who matter to you, and I think you are well rid of him. It won't be easy at first but it will get better, you are a strong woman and deserve better as do your children.

[Lf803]

Thank you
He thought I had told her already ( about the drugs) which I hadn't so he had already dropped himself in it before I went to see her.
Haven't heard a peep from him since lunchtime after I told him to leave us alone.
His sister has confirmed he's staying at his mums he went to work today but he has gone out tonight with the lads!

[MartinaMartini]

I'm glad your mums knows. Her being fully informed will help you no end over the comings weeks.

No news is better than another tirade of abuse at least.

Hope you're ok? Try to get some rest if you can.

[Hateloggingin]

You sound a lovely, lovely lady. He sounds a cunt. I know it feels terrible op but it really will get better. Will be thinking of you xx

[robindeer]

Don't wait for his 'paperwork'- divorce him. He is not worth another moment of worry or regret. You'll look back at this thread in a year's time and be so happy you won't recognise your own writing. Here's to your new life

[Lf803]

It feels so very alien for someone to describe me as a lovely lady. My gbf said to me a few weeks ago ' I don't know why you think you are a horrible person and people won't like you' and that really had stuck in my mind. I do think that without ever even really realising it.