AIBU to ask for a contribution?

[badgerread]

My partner and I don't live togtehr. We both work full time, own our own houses and both have two Dc's. He has 50% care of his and spends the other 50% at mine. He has recently left his job to set up a new firm and is therefore working from (my) home when he is at mine. He currently earns around £17k more than me. The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago. I've just text him asking shall I pick up a Chinese on my home for us and the boys but I'm not sure he'll contribute towards it... my shopping bill has gone up a lot in the last 6 weeks as he is basically at mine 50% of the time having three meals a day. Plus shower gel, toothpaste, loo rolls etc. I want to say something but not in a demanding way....

He can claim a percentage of his heating, council tax, lighting expenses on his accounts but not if he is working in someone else's house.

He is putting you off op hoping you will not bring it up again £70 a month is pathetic. Pay it out plain for him all your monthly expenses plus food and ask him how far his measley £70 goes when he is there more than you are!

Ah, thanks Willow. So it would be better for him to work at home!

Jesus. He's really done a number on you.

He'll always have an excuse.

I'm sorry if the OP hasn't felt able to come back - some of the comments must have been difficult to take. I would not have wanted to be told I was paying a man to be in a relationship with me :(

But I'm wondering if the comments would have been different if the moving in DP was a woman - other threads tell women they have equal access to & decision-making power over household finances even if they don't contribute much money - they are regarded as contributing in nonmonetary ways.

If there are children involved, and the woman takes on the bulk of responsibilities associated with them, then a huge financial contribution is being made (as is if it is a male partner doing so). Same for taking on bulk of domestic responsibilities.

That is not in any way the case here, this chancer isn't even getting messages in.

Messages means shopping .

Yes if he was making any sort of contribution it would be different but he isn't. He is having meals made using her utilities, toiletries etc and his contribution offer is less than he promised. £70 a month is nothing its insulting and won't even cover his food bill never mind the electricity he is using to run his business from her house!

He is being a tight chance. She is basically supporting his business as well as providing food and accommodation for peanuts.

I'm sure many of us have found ourselves in situations we couldn't necessarily have foretold from the outset. I know I have. That's the problem when you're an innocent, decent and trusting individual dealing with someone far, far more calculating and selfish than you ever realised. They take advantage of you very gradually by stealth and sleight of hand. Just like this man has with the OP. Because they're devious. Because they've done it before.

"This isn't working for me any longer. You need to start working from home" should be the opening shot.

This is NOT a man I would be buying a home with, not when any equity being put into it would be coming from only one party. Sooner or later the business won't be doing very well and there could be no contribution forthcoming for mortgage, utilities, housekeeping and all the rest. It goes without saying that only a cheerful fool would put substantial sums into a business that didn't buy them a shareholding and a directorship, so they could have a say in how money is spent. You could however make a formal LOAN legally drawn up to the business but that won't guarantee you'd ever see a penny back. This is not a fair and honest person, remember. He reneged on the £100 a month when he was staying over only 4 nights and week, now he's seriously taking the piss by offering a mere £70 for being there day and night with three square meals a day. The bloody nerve of him!

It's often said on here (and in real life) pay no attention to what someone says and pay very careful attention to what they actually do. He's milking you very cynically.

How old is he? I imagine he knows £70 a month doesn't even cover the cost to you of having him there.

Why do reduced earnings mean he gets to pay you less? He chose this! You are subsiding his choices. I can't call the gas company and tell them that I now have lower earnings so I think i'll only pay for 70% of the gas I have used. I can't call the mortgage company and tell them that I'll only be covering 70% of it because I've decided to become self employed. It's not how life works! You don't make financial decisions which result in you being unable to cover your own living costs and then shrug off the responsibility, leaving it to somebody else to sort out.

I hope you have managed to resolve this in a good way for you OP :)

I'm not getting why he's using your home as an office FFS! Whats wrong with his own?

Another taker I see ....