AIBU to ask for a contribution?

[badgerread]

My partner and I don't live togtehr. We both work full time, own our own houses and both have two Dc's. He has 50% care of his and spends the other 50% at mine. He has recently left his job to set up a new firm and is therefore working from (my) home when he is at mine. He currently earns around £17k more than me. The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago. I've just text him asking shall I pick up a Chinese on my home for us and the boys but I'm not sure he'll contribute towards it... my shopping bill has gone up a lot in the last 6 weeks as he is basically at mine 50% of the time having three meals a day. Plus shower gel, toothpaste, loo rolls etc. I want to say something but not in a demanding way....

The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago

So when you started this new set up, did you have a conversation about how it would work?

If you did, you either didn't come away with a shared agreement, or he is disregarding that agreement. If you didn't. then..... hmm!

In any scenario, I guess a proper conversation about this is over due hey?

So 15 days a month - £100 = £6.66 a day.
And with toiletries etc... I would suggest he does cost you that in just food.
Breakfast lunch and dinner for £6.66 a day. Definitely!

If he is eating 3 meals per day at yours for half the week, then yep, that is £100 per month. Unless he spends less than £200 per month on feeding himself (I really doubt that).

On top of that, there is water, electricity, gas.

So under the new arrangement that he has decided upon, his bills have gone down significantly and yours have gone up significantly.

Oh, and he earns £17K more than you. And he wants you to subsidise him.

Didn't he even apologise in response to your text OP?
He has no shame

Fine to talk in person.
Do your maths now!

He came back and said do you think I cost £100 a month in food

And the rest!

And don't get distracted by him trying to sweeten you up. He knows how to get around you, he has obviously had practice

Actually, I can see that he would think £100 was a lot for food, it obviously isn't but until you break it down I can see you might think "£100 - no way!"

Biggest black mark is this was AGREED and he just stopped. Freeloader!

Everyone is different, but this would be a deal breaker for me. I just can't stand people who don't pull their weight. Hope he can redeem himself in you conversation Not holding my breath.

Yes, work it all out to the penny. He's said he doesn't cost £100 per month in shopping so it seems like you will need to be exact. He needs to cover your extra costs at the absolute minimum.

You also need to discuss how he decided to work from yours for half the week without asking your permission first.

Please tell us that you don't cook for him and do his washing.

From the sounds of that reply he has no intention of paying, or bare minium.

I'd be telling him to fuck back off to his own house.

And make him pay for the bloody takeaway.

This is very unattractive. It would really put me off him. If he starts quibbling I'd suggest sticking to your own homes. He's going to make you begin and seem petty.

*beg- feel like you're begging.

Im suprised no one has called him a 'cocklodger' yet.

Freeloading is so unattractive. Sounds like he's surprised or annoyed you've dared to bring it up. He must think he's some catch! If he agrees to contribute to food etc expect him to think he has rights over the running of your home. He seems like the type.

Someone has, southall.

I think 150 a month towards bills and food if he is there 50% of the time is a fair amount and paid every month by standing order, so you dont have to feel awkward by asking. If he doesnt think thats fair then you have found yourself a freeloader .

nocabbage did

Is he using your address as his business address? That may have implications so would be good to check that.

When you say he earns 17K more than you is this since he set up his business from your home or was it when he was in his job? I read it as he earns 17K more now, in his own business, so he should be paying his way. I'd feel especially resentful if he's one of those men who gets through a whole roll of loo paper a day - or is that just mine

Can't stand mingebags. Not very attractive.

If he needs it spelling out then he's not a very nice person. I'd send him back home, even if it means seeing less of each other. He is taking the piss.

Hmm.....So whilst you are at work, he is at your house using your heating, electricity, broadband, water, food etc. How convenient for HIM. I don't think this is an accident on his part, I think he is taking the serious p**s. I'm all for budgeting and saving money but I can't stand meanness. If he was very generous in other ways like paying for holidays etc then fine but it doesn't sound like it. Sounds like from the text he is not happy you brought it up. Stand your ground OP and let us know what happens.

Please tell us that you don't cook for him and do his washing.

OMG this?!

You need to work out some figures before your chat so they're in your head.

So, all those extra top up shops during the week, heating, lights, water, tv/radio on, toiletries, is he washing clothes at yours, using a tumble dryer etc.

Takeaway next week is on him too, unless the chat goes very badly of course...

So he thinks £25 a week isn't much.
He's having a laugh.
Three meals a day for 3 or 4 days a week mounts up.
Then chuck in take aways.
Drinks - tea, coffee, sugar, milk, squash, alcohol etc.
toiletries - toilet paper, soap/handwash, shower gel, shampoo, cotton buds, shaving stuff ( bet he doesn't bring that from home and these can easily blow the budget)
Gas for the heating on during the day and the extra hot water. Electric your usuafe has gone up even though your not there.
Water rates extra person for shower/bath, toilet flush, hand washing, teeth, drinking. Mounts up.
Broadband - he's using half so needs to pay
Phone line - needed for bb and is he using this?
Whose computer his is using? Your cost for maintenance.
Printer? Paper and ink, as we all know some inks are fecking expensive.
Extra laundry

There's probably more I'm missing. But £25 a weeks he has a bargain. Should be more. He doesn't want to then he can fuck off and work from him own home. Although give it a month or so and he will come creeping back when he realizes it costs him more than £25 a week to stay at home.

Oh and you need to check with your ll, insurance and local authority. You might not be able to run a business from your address. Could be why he's at yours. Cheaper than renting office space cos he cannot do it from his.