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Original poster

AIBU to ask for a contribution?

212 replies

badgerread · 10/03/2017 14:39

My partner and I don't live togtehr. We both work full time, own our own houses and both have two Dc's. He has 50% care of his and spends the other 50% at mine. He has recently left his job to set up a new firm and is therefore working from (my) home when he is at mine. He currently earns around £17k more than me. The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago. I've just text him asking shall I pick up a Chinese on my home for us and the boys but I'm not sure he'll contribute towards it... my shopping bill has gone up a lot in the last 6 weeks as he is basically at mine 50% of the time having three meals a day. Plus shower gel, toothpaste, loo rolls etc. I want to say something but not in a demanding way....

OP posts:
MsJolly · 11/03/2017 09:46

You seriously need to get this sorted and if you can't even talk to him about it then your relationship has bigger problems than him just being a tight fisted, mean, cocklodging wanker.

Alpies · 11/03/2017 10:16

The fact that you even have to ask is shocking. You shouldn't have to and he should have offered right at the outset.

If you do the sums, he is taking u for a ride. I'm sorry OP but u r being taken advantage of. Please don't buy a property with this guy. Esp as he has no equity. He is essentially just sponging off u.

I think even 150 is too low. As an adult if he is staying there even half the time, he should be contributing to bills and food and other expenses.

You need to stand ur ground otherwise one day, he would move in 100% without actually asking and his kids would come round and U'd be working hard to pay for all this.

Original poster
badgerread · 11/03/2017 10:38

Thanks everyone. He doesn't pay maintenance as he has the children 50/50 and he has nothing in the previous marital home. After reading all your comments I know I'm being taken for a ride in the financial sense. I'm out this morning but we're going to sit down this afternoon and discuss it all. I will update later. Thank again!

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/03/2017 10:55

"He doesn't pay maintenance as he has the children 50/50 and he has nothing in the previous marital home".

What?. He is still financially responsible for his children and he should be paying maintenance for them. That is absolutely appalling on his part and am certain his ex wife has much to say about him as well. As you are now seeing, you are now seeing the real mean him.

What a catch this man is NOT. He latched onto you and has really taken you for a fool by now cocklodging at your house. And running his business from it as well when he is at yours!. Why is your relationship bar so low?.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 11/03/2017 10:56

And what Isetan wrote earlier. You also need to have a talk with your own self as well.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 11/03/2017 11:30

Attilla is custody is split 50/50 then he wouldn't be paying maintenance. Not defending the sponger but you are wrong about the maintenance.

Goof luck op, have you thought of a figure you are happy with? Don't let him charm you or talk you around and convince you you ate wrong, you clearly aren't so stand firm, good luck

janniedodger · 11/03/2017 13:15

BTW, you are not asking for a contribution. He previously offered £100 and didn't continue to pay, you are therefore reminding g him of this and now he is at yours a lot his previous offer needs to be upped.

newchapterforme · 11/03/2017 14:36

Be strong!

bloodyteenagers · 11/03/2017 15:25

Not a chance should you be considering buying a property with this leech.
Can just hear him now bemoaning about having to pay the mortgage because of crap reasons. Never mind all the rest of the bills.
He cannot even be bothered to pay a token contribution at the moment.

DonaldStott · 11/03/2017 15:47

He's got it bloody made!!! No child maintenance and lives and works at your house for free. He is actually making money from you!!!

Where is his self-respect, but more importantly, where the hell is his respect for you and your home!!

Cheeky fucker.

c3pu · 11/03/2017 18:36

Atilla he is financially responsible for his children when they are with him. Saying he ought to pay maintenance for them is not how 50/50 shared care works. You may as well suggest his ex pays him maintenance!

Back on topic, this needs addressing asap. Hope you get it sorted OP.

Joysmum · 11/03/2017 19:27

Fingers crossed you've put him right by now.

Naicehamshop · 11/03/2017 22:04

Hope you have managed to speak to him op.

Scarydinosaurs · 11/03/2017 22:10

I really hope the talk went well.

miserableson · 11/03/2017 22:19

.

Foxysoxy01 · 11/03/2017 23:38

Oh dear Sad what an arsehole and a scrounging one at that.

Please don't invest money in his business! You will never see it again.

GeekyWombat · 11/03/2017 23:59

Good luck OP.

BonnyScotland · 12/03/2017 00:08

what happened lady x

Viviennemary · 12/03/2017 00:24

Isn't it strange when the person being put upon always hates asking for money and yet the other person has no qualms in taking and not contributing. You should seriously think about what a future would be like with what seems like a man who is really well it's hard to say but a bit mean with money even though he earns a lot more than you.

Joffmognum · 12/03/2017 00:30

I rent my bedroom at my DMs for £85 for me and 5mo DS, as that's what we both sat down and calculated together that we cost her, although she's cut it down to £50/week lately to help me save. I'm considering it a £35/week gift. I estimate we both do half the housework, maybe she does a bit more but she only works part time and I'd always do specific tasks if I'm asked. If you're not married or committed enough to merge your bank accounts, I think that's the way to go with relationships. If one person has the bills in their name, the other person respects that and gives them an appropriate amount.

SayNoToCarrots · 12/03/2017 00:36

Did you speak with him, OP?

Shurleyshummishtake · 12/03/2017 06:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
badgerread · 12/03/2017 08:54

Hi all. Well we had a chat and he's basically offered £70 a month until he works out what his finances are going to be like with this new business. He's currently an employee of it but plans are to buy into it, his salary has gone down £20k (Not my problem I know) from his previous job. He did say that he understands and appreciates what I'm saying but he just needs to sort his sums and will then pay more. I'm accepting that for this month and then see what happens. Thanks for all your comments and advicr. I won't be buying takeaways and no I don't do his washing! 😁

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 12/03/2017 08:58

That's not good OP Sad

onanotherday · 12/03/2017 08:58

Hmmm....are you happy with this? I think I might suggest he stays at his house and review at the end of the month. Did he say what his business address was....? Slippery fish come ti mind..sorry

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