AIBU to ask for a contribution?

[badgerread]

My partner and I don't live togtehr. We both work full time, own our own houses and both have two Dc's. He has 50% care of his and spends the other 50% at mine. He has recently left his job to set up a new firm and is therefore working from (my) home when he is at mine. He currently earns around £17k more than me. The thing is he hasn't contributed or bought any shopping, whether it be groceries, toiletries, anything since he started this new setup 6 weeks ago. I've just text him asking shall I pick up a Chinese on my home for us and the boys but I'm not sure he'll contribute towards it... my shopping bill has gone up a lot in the last 6 weeks as he is basically at mine 50% of the time having three meals a day. Plus shower gel, toothpaste, loo rolls etc. I want to say something but not in a demanding way....

Yes, you should check with your insurance

www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/personalfinance/borrowing/mortgages/2935438/Working-from-home-carries-a-cost.html

I would resist providing a breakdown of costs, it just provides information for him to quibble over. I think this will turn out to be one of those, who is nice as pie so long as he is getting his way and you are going along with it, but who turns crabby when he is called on to 'play fair'.

You shouldn't have to force him to make a contribution, the initiative should be coming from him. And I sense that he is not just so keen on that. Ugh.

He is an adult who has run his own household. He knows what things cost. Although cooking as a couple tends to be more lavish than if you're just cooking for yourself (which should be borne in mind by both sides). You don't need to break it down for him, he bloody well knows.

He thinks he costs you less than £3 a day? What a joke! The tone of his reply is embarrassing how is he not apologetically transferring what he agreed to you?

Does he at least getwo the wine and takeaways? If not then he is free loading, under no circumstances is that a acceptable.

His response is very telling.Do you think he would act like this with mates in the pub, never buying a round, it is similar.

Hes a leech

He is either a miser or he his broke.

If you think he is being honest about his income then it is more likely the first:

miser - a person who hoards wealth and spends as little money as possible.

Fuck that!!

Definitely have your sums in place! He's taking the piss

He's getting the best deal right now

How on earth does he not think he should be contributing !?he's even working from your home which is using your electricity, broadband etc

Sounds like an arse

You shouldn't even have to ask him if he's going to be a knob about money then send him home.

Would also eat my hat if at the end of the month he's looking for a business partner. Or the business needs a cash injection. Or maybe you both need a holiday. Perhaps a car that he can use. Or your home office needs updating.. some random crap to try and get his paws on your bonus.. Just remember. It's yours. All yours. You have worked hard for it. Your not partners. Don't live together. Have no dpeendents.

Good luck with the chat badgerread, remember all you are looking for his him to pay his fair share, no more no less so don't let him talk you around or convince you its unfair

OP me and my boyfriend spend long weekends turn about at each others house (so roughly half the week). We fight each other to buy stuff! I just buy stuff without asking and he's like 'I could have got that so you don't have to lug it here'. Food alone is bloody expensive let alone takeaways, looroll, toiletries, bills, booze etc etc.

He's taking the piss massively.

Stick to your guns! He should be ashamed of himself!

Hang on, he didn't even ask you if he could work from your place? Who died and made him boss? Where did the £100 figure come from? Don't let him wriggle out of paying his fair share.

"Good luck with finding an office space, as well as a hotel room with full board and maid service for £100 a week, mate"

Actually read this quickly and thought you had said £100 week , I thought that was probably about right

The OP said he would pay £100 a month which he did once. He is a total chancer. I agree with others I bet he has plans for your bonus. In future I would be keeping your cards close to your chest.

Oh dear. Definitely work out what he is actually costing you and charge him that as an absolute minimum. BUT he is not a teenager. Why is he arguing with you about a couple of quid? If he lives with you 50% of the time that makes him one half of a serious relationship. It is a piss poor attitude to you as his partner and I would be having words.

OP, he's taking the piss and he knows it....afterall he did renege on the deal he offered. Has he ever said why he stopped contributing after one payment?

Sounds like he actually thinks he doesn't cost you any extra at all because 'you're buying/spending it anyway even if i'm not there'
i get the feeling he knows how to play you, OP, and on top of being a freeloader he has now insinuated himself into the position of cocklodger.

he has his own kids there 50% of the time so he knows full well what's involved. He just doesn't want to have to pay to live at yours, it doesn't feel fair to him. afterall he's still paying 100 of the bills at his house....bet he says something like that!

he's a tightfisted, penny pinching prick.

i stayed with my sis for 3 weeks on my last visit, my way of contributing was buying bog roll - cos i could see it was running out. i bought bits n bats of groceries - cos i was consuming the stuff. i hoovered, sorted out washing n ironing....and there was me feeling bad/tight cos i didn't get round to getting them a thank you gift when i left!

OP, he isn't stupid so if he insists on acting obtuse - then spell it out for him.

Thanks everyone. I really do appreciate the comments and advice. I feel a.bit of an idiot to be honest. I can home from work with a Chinese for him, me and my boys. Plus a bottle of prosecco and nothing. Not a word. We were thinking of buying a property together as that's the obvious next step but he has no equity whereas I do thus being able to invest more in a bigger house. And money towards his business. What am absolute fuckwit I am.

Sorry to hear this but it seems he's gaining a lot more out of this relationship than you. After you mentioning him contributing too today, I guess the lack of effort on his behalf is all you need to know. Keep your money safe, the guy sounds like a total financial drain.

He didn't mention it at all? Oh badgerread I am sorry, definitely put the buying a property on the long finger but whatever you do if you do buy together make sure you protect yourself. And please say something, why not now, why don't you bring it up?

So he's not said anything about the money? Have you?

No I haven't. I'm trying to pluck up the courage and find the right moment 😓

"We were thinking of buying a property together as that's the obvious next step but he has no equity whereas I do thus being able to invest more in a bigger house. And money towards his business. What am absolute fuckwit I am."

Absolutely no more money towards him. Christ no to buying a house together and no to investing in his business.

You are already subsidising the cheeky bastard.

You don't actually live together despite him monopolising your home for half the week. Get him out of your house. And keep him out.