Want to go on a night out but my partner said no

[Student1994]

First time poster and wondering if aibu??

So I don't really have friends. I've always been this way and I am pretty much happy living my life like this. I am engaged and do everything with my partner anyway. We also have a 2 year daughter so she keeps us busy.

I am a friendly person though and I talk to everyone when I'm out and about- young, old, man, woman etc. I think I could have friends if I really wanted to but I feel the more people you get close to the more you get hurt, so I tend to keep myself to myself.

However, I am 22 and I have not had a good night out for over a year now. I want to go to my favourite karaoke bar this weekend, have a few drinks, get abit merry, single terribly and meet new people (which I am able to do with ease). However, my partner says I am not going out on my own! He will not come out with me as he says he has no interest in bars anymore as he is 30 now (which is still very young imo). But I reaaaaally want to go and have some fun. I don't leave the house all weekend, every weekend. I am at uni through the week and then there are non stop chores to get through and not to mention a toddler to take care of. I just want one night off but if I go out alone just to my favourite bar then he said he is going to leave me. He said it is weird and I must want to go and kiss other men. But I really don't and most definitely won't!

In terms of safety I said my partner can drop me right outside the place and i'll make sure I get a licensed taxi home- They park just outside the bar.. So it's not like i'll be putting myself in a dangerous situation. I will also only be getting tispy not drunk where I can't handle myself- and be making sure my drink is never left unattended.

The question is, should I go out and have fun and risk the consequences?

Or should I stay in as my partner is in the right and it is weird?

Thanks in advance x

I should do more to reassure my partner because he needs it was pretty much what they were saying. Anyway my outburst was pointless so I just apologised to my partner, told everyone to ignore me and asked if we could go home because I was in a silly state.

Why would you want to live like this? This is not love.

You are trivialising yourself.

op you have been brave in coming back to this thread. Never underestimate your courage.
this happens in relationships sometimes.
Not true. It happens in bad relationships. Dysfunctional, unhappy, violent and controlling ones. There are many many good decent men out there who would never raise a hand to their partner and do not treat their OHs in this way.
I should do more to reassure my partner
No. He is bullying you, this is not about you failing to do something.
They said it's because he loves me and doesn't want to lose me
Bullshit and they should be ashamed of themselves for peddling this lie. You said you have read up on the links to controlling behaviour that pps have posted. That's a good start. It would probably be best if you can access some counselling, perhaps through uni. These are complex issues and working through them with a professional will help you get some perspective. Good luck op.

Apparantly this happens in relationships sometimes and I should do more to reassure my partner because he needs it was pretty much what they were saying.

No, it doesn't and no, you shouldn't.

OMG - you really need some RL help. Please do go and see the counsellor.

Freedom Program - apologies if somebody has linked to it already.

This is stickied to the top of the Relationship board but I think is worthwhile posting here with thanks to the marvellous Reality.

Please, hear what we are all saying: the restrictions your relationship imposes on you are NOT normal, do NOT happen in most relationships and are NOT something you need to live with or appease all the time.

Op please read this thread over and over and over ....... until what everyone is saying SINKS IN . You sound perfectly intelligent so I believe you know this is all wrong. Get the fuck away from this control freak asap . God it's so depressing that this is going on SO MUCH Aaaaaah!

Apologies for last unhelpful comment, it's frustration

Hope you're ok OP. Thinking of you and your DD x

Leave. Have the life you deserve. This will only get worse and worse. He's ground you down so much that you're still there accepting this shit. Don't let him break you completely. Muster that strength that you have to get yourself and your DD away from this controlling, abusive, disgusting vile excuse for a man. If you can't do it for yourself, do it for your daughter.

Your daughter will see your relationship and normalise it. She could eventually end up with someone who treats her as badly or worse. Be a strong example for her and leave this man.