Why does he now not want to marry me after 9 years?

[Hopelessworrier84]

I've been with my DP for nine years and we've always talked about marriage, it's just never happened. I feel really led on.
All his mates are married/engaged but he seems to still be hanging on to his youth and in denial.
I'm 33 now and desperate to start a family and get things moving.
I've tried bringing it up with him repeatedly but keep getting fobbed off. Last Xmas he said that it would happen by the end of the year, the same this Christmas..he just doesn't get it. I feel so heartbroken
He's said things like 'we should get really fit and healthy first' which I feel is a dog at my weight (I'm size 12) and then he's said we don't have the money. Recently he's blamed it on my anxiety but doesn't seem to realise that I'm anxious because I have no idea where my life is headed.
What do I do?

Though Boris Becker was evidently a good choice of stranger to have sex with.

If you recognise the child as yours, you still have to pay maintenance, don't you?

Why do you want to marry someone who doesn't want to marry you? Find someone who does. It really is as simple as that.

I knew a couple like this....she wanted to marry, he didn't...together for well over a decade.......miraculously, when she won £3 Million on the lottery, he proposed. Funny that.

Even if he does relent and marry you will always wonder if he did it to appease. And let's face it, even if you do marry - there is no guarantee it will work or he will stay. This constant and insidious erosion of your self esteem will destroy you from the inside. Don't waste any more of your precious time on this excuse of a man and find someone who is worthy of you.

"? Find someone who does. It really is as simple as that."

Gosh, yes. Totally.

You still have time to find another who won't drag his feet. My cousin is exactly like your OH. He's a commitment phobe. He's not proposed because he's not completely sure if you are the one for him. Go.

See I agree with all this but I don’t agree with the excuses being made. He doesn’t want to get married for no reason. He knows his partner does and for now fuss she just wants to feel loved needed wanted ext. so why won’t he do that little think fo make her happy

I have begged for that and he had said as clear as day no I don’t want marriage it’s not in my cards

I mean why is he more important than me where his desires come true

I've read all your posts OP, I actually don't think it's the end of the road. It's a total and utter misconception that everyone gets a Romantic proposal so don't be embarrassed to say to him - 'RIGHT, if you want kids we're getting married, it's important to me and if you're not prepared to pop down the registry office on a Saturday afternoon then we will seriously have to consider if this relationship is worth continuing.'

That's it. You really need to mean it, and considering you have a house together and he wants kids - I don't really see that he's going to chuck it all down the pan.

The fit and healthy thing, just ignore him, my husband's always thinking of 'things we should do before we....' drives me potty but you just have to forge ahead and eventually they forget 🤣

This thread is from 2017

@Lampan

This thread is from 2017

Thanks 🤣🤣🤣 hope she's married by now.

@Huskylover1

I knew a couple like this....she wanted to marry, he didn't...together for well over a decade.......miraculously, when she won £3 Million on the lottery, he proposed. Funny that.

Please God she didn't accept!!!!!

@Lampan

This thread is from 2017

Oh dear ...

It’s likely he’s never wanted to marry you but he’s said what he knew you wanted to hear.

It’s rough and I’m sorry but it’s not going to happen and your limited time is going to be wasted every day you stay with him.

Don’t have children with him. It’ll never be right, because he’s not actually committed to you.

Oh dammit!!

I think if you have an end date in mind (say end of March) and tell him straight .He is obv happy as he is .Many younger men seem to want a live in GF with all the perks of a LT partner and no wedding ring on sight! He will carry on like this forever! Dont worry about moving in with DP ,at 33 you have time on your side here

Lots men at that age don't realise they are stealing your fertility. It's ok for him to wait till 40 to have kids, not so easy for you even if you are lucky enough for it to happen.
Tell him exactly how you feel, no loss there. If he still doesn't get it. Start undoing your connections and move on with your life.

He's said things like 'we should get really fit and healthy first'
Well, that's scraping the bottom of the barrel of excuses! He clearly never intended it to actually happen; you say you've "always" talked about marriage - how did the other conversations go?
He's obviously become adept at stalling and fobbing you off, and you've spent 9 years letting him do it.
It won't change now.

WARNING: THIS THREAD IS A TRAP FROM 2017 🤣🤣

Oh ffs! Bet they're still not married...

I will never understand the fascination around marriage. You say you have a good relationship otherwise, you have a mortgage and he wants a baby with you, what will being married change about that?

I wonder what happened!

I hate these men so much. I wish we could put them all on an island together somewhere with a musket, some gunpowder and sandpaper toilet roll.

It's fine not to want to marry someone, more than fine. But it is not fine to waste her fertile years and not be honest with her about your feelings. Set her free to find the right person when you know it isn't you. It's beyond cruel to keep her hanging around like this when you know you won't ever give her what she wants and are wasting her chances.

I'd look into the possibility of having a child alone, OP. You don't have to do it, but it'll give you an idea of options.