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Original poster

He wants kids

202 replies

LovelyUnicorn83 · 15/02/2017 10:40

Hello all. Im 34 and have two kids aged 15 and 8. Neither father is involved.
Ive been with a lovely man for 3 years and its fairly serious. Ive known he may want his own kids but never overly discussed it.
Last week he told me he wants us to get married and have a child fairly soon. Hes 42.
Im in shock i dont want another child and i suppose i knew this may happen but Confused

OP posts:
callmeadoctor · 16/02/2017 13:21

And having 3 kids by 3 fathers is completely unimportant Smile

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 16/02/2017 13:23

Of course . We have a four bedroomed house. My son is staying at 6th form but unsure what he wants to do after that. I will be making it clear i will be having one baby no more

OP posts:
Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 16/02/2017 17:50

We have spoken at length this afternoon. He is pretty desperate for a child but only with me. He's promised he won't be pestering for a second child because he knows id keel over if i had 4 kids! We discussed marriage too and we agreed to get engaged and plan a small wedding.
Looks like I'm having another baby then x

OP posts:
NapQueen · 16/02/2017 18:04

Grin so not that adamant on the no more kids then!

Bigfluffybear · 16/02/2017 18:07

You still don't sound sure about baby ?

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 16/02/2017 18:50

I'm not as excited as he is fluffy but if I have to make the compromise I will. I know I'll love our child it's the practicalities I worry about

OP posts:
Mix56 · 16/02/2017 20:20

He will love you so much for having his baby ! Enjoy the adoration.

Tell him he will be doing sleepless nights, bottles, stinking nappies. buy him some books that give all the stuff a pregnant woman has to live through, & all the hard stuff, teething, fatigue, unrelentless responsibility for the next 18 years , because he needs to know its not talc covered smiling squiginess, its fucking hard graft ! he needs to know you love him & are prepared to do this, but he doesn't get to come home & relax in front of the TV, ever !

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 16/02/2017 20:30

He definitely wont want number 2 then mix he'll be exhausted

OP posts:
Taylor22 · 16/02/2017 22:00

Op I could've easily been happy after DS. I was happy with one horrific sleeper. I was honestly done.
Then DH wanted another. So I agreed.
He was more into TTC and everything.
But now I have the most beautiful baby girl whom is my entire world. I can't really remember her not being here.
He's clearly really into you and your kids.

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 16/02/2017 23:01

Thanks Taylor x
We will be getting a ring on my finger though! I told him im worried about being a single mum of 3 although its unlikely he understands my concerns.

OP posts:
Araminta99 · 17/02/2017 02:53

Having another baby is a terrible idea and I really feel for your 2 DC and the new baby.

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 17/02/2017 07:03

Well i dont understand why you feel that. I was adamant no more but after this thread and thinking about it i want to make him happy

OP posts:
Surreyblah · 17/02/2017 07:15

Suggest you get legal advice re your property before marriage.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 17/02/2017 07:34

I think that's a lovely conclusion, as long as you're really on board with the baby idea, not just going through the motions of thinking you're happy with it. I think it's a lovely addition for your children so not sure why Araminta has commented so negatively.

Chocolatecake12 · 17/02/2017 07:47

I have read your thread and just wanted to wish you well for the future.
You seem like you have a very loving partner there and he sounds great with your dcs.
You have made the right decision in my view, I really feel that this time will be different for you. You have the support and love from a partner.

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 17/02/2017 08:12

Thank you x

OP posts:
EurusHolmesViolin · 17/02/2017 10:26

Having a child as a compromise is a Ricky idea. I hope it doesn't come back to bite you.

EurusHolmesViolin · 17/02/2017 10:27

Risky.

I don't know who Ricky is or whether he'd approve.

Cuppaoftea · 17/02/2017 13:56

Is he marrying you because he wants to spend the rest of his life with you no matter what though?

It is a big risk when you'll be handing him a share in your and your two DCs home and financial security and independence.

What if conceiving takes a while or even never happens.

You still say you'd be having another child 'to make him happy', to keep him?

On the fourth child issue, he can't know how he'd feel. Looking at the age gap even if you had a new baby as soon as next year by the time he/she was starting Reception your DS would be 20 odd on the cusp of leaving home and your DD entering her teens. Could be a bit lonely for the youngest who may well feel like an 'only' at times. Having one with your DP will change your current family dynamic hugely, it doesn't sound like he's paying much consideration to that.

You don't need to rush in to this however much pressure he's putting on.

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 17/02/2017 15:04

Hes marrying me because he wants to be with me no matter what. Weve talked about how long ttc can take aswell.
I know it will be our child so i will love him/her its the practicalities i worry about with childcare/work

OP posts:
Inneedofaholiday2017 · 17/02/2017 15:05

You'll be fine op. Go and be happy and enjoy your family and ignore the negative people on this thread.

EurusHolmesViolin · 17/02/2017 16:31

Yes. People who are suggesting it might not be a good idea to have a baby you don't want, because babies are not a compromise, are just being negative. It will definitely be fine and there's no potential at all for this to end badly.

Alternatively, stop cheerleading an obviously risky decision and pretending you're somehow being supportive of the OP as you tell her what she wants to hear.

Original poster
LovelyUnicorn83 · 17/02/2017 18:01

I dont feel its risky. I trust him and we will get married. There is potential for it to turn out badly but so could any relationship

OP posts:
EurusHolmesViolin · 17/02/2017 18:10

Of course it's risky to have a child you don't appear to be sure you want, with someone who knows you're doing it purely as a compromise. That's what I was thinking of.

The risk that the relationship will break down is there I agree but no reason to assume it's any higher or lower than anyone else's. But if you still find you don't actually want the child once you've had it, still being with your DP and married might not be much consolation.

Cuppaoftea · 17/02/2017 18:41

Op you say he's marrying you because he wants to be with you no matter what. But also that he's desperate for his own child and you seem to feel you need to agree to that to stay together.

I get the impression it's marriage you really want and would still be happier to have no more children while continuing to advance your career.

Sounds like he knows that too so I think it's dubious he's pushing you to have a child with him really.