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Original poster

Is this ok? (New guy, not sure)

181 replies

Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 14:38

Quick straw poll: Guy you're seeing for 6 weeks, sleeping with etc, goes away for a (female) friend's birthday weekend (apparently about 8 people there, old uni friends.) Gets tagged in a photo naked in a hot tub wth also naked girl (another female "friend") Looking very cosy. Alcohol everywhere.
Is that ok?
Thoughts..?

OP posts:
Gladysmum · 13/02/2017 14:42

No that's not ok

Justmuddlingalong · 13/02/2017 14:42

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Are you comfortable with it?

ImperialBlether · 13/02/2017 14:43

No, that would be it for me. He has the right to do it, just as you have the right not to want someone who does that.

TataEs · 13/02/2017 14:43

all of them?
or just girl and him?

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 14:44

No... the way this girl tagged him it was like she wanted it to be known about, I sort of thought she might be an old FWB from uni or something as he told me about other people attending but she was the one he left out.
I just feel a bit :/ about it. He looks like the cat with the cream!

OP posts:
Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 14:45

It was him and her pretty close then another girl some distance away. That sounds silly but it wasn't like a big group thing.....

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 14:45

It wouldn't be OK with me, not necessarily because it's cheating, but because it's not particularly classy behaviour, is it, so I'd realise that he's not my kinda guy...

Foxysoxy01 · 13/02/2017 14:46

That would be a complete deal breaking for me! neither of them have any self respect at all!

The most important thing is tho what do you feel about it?

FetchezLaVache · 13/02/2017 14:48

What AyeAmarok said.

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 14:57

Thing is it feels like we are moving towards coupledom, but because we haven't had the exclusivity chat or whatever, I don't know if it's a bit intense of me to feel not ok with him doing that. If I raised it I feel like he would be nonplussed as they are all old uni friends. He clearly didn't think it would be an issue for me, as when I asked how the weekend was he was all "champagne and hot tub.. good times" But I am working on trying to have better boundaries/values in relationships and this photo the girl posted has bothered me. I am so out of the dating loop though that I don't want to be the possessive weirdo. I just don't know how to address this.

OP posts:
LanaorAna1 · 13/02/2017 14:59

No.

LosingDory · 13/02/2017 14:59

Naked hot tub...not ok at all

pigeondujour · 13/02/2017 14:59

neither of them have any self respect at all!

Quite a conclusion to reach 🤔

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 15:00

I obv don't have proof of complete nudity! Just unlike the other girl she doesn't have visible bikini straps. And they are very close.. it's just an awkward photo :/
I slept with him like the night before and it makes me feel a bit yuck

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 13/02/2017 15:01

You're not comfortable with it. You don't need to say it's because you're being possessive or jealous or whatever, just that you two are not on the same page.

Same if he was a drug taker or mad gambler. Some people might be fine with it, It might not be illegal, but it's just not your cup of tea.

Don't settle for someone just for the sake of having "someone" in the boyfriend role.

Lofari · 13/02/2017 15:02

I think I'd be tempted to ask him how he'd feel if the roles were reversed. Not sure he'd like seeing that pic of you in the hot tub with 2 blokes.......

Hotwaterbottle1 · 13/02/2017 15:05

She could have strapless on & him trunks?

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 15:06

Yes possibly. Does that make a difference though? I still feel weird

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottle1 · 13/02/2017 15:07

What else would they wear in a hot tub?? I've been away with friends & been in the hot tub, male & female, there was nothing at all going on!!

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 15:09

This is the thing hotwaterbottle. I don't want to be paranoid. I just do feel off.

OP posts:
Hotwaterbottle1 · 13/02/2017 15:09

I think you need to make a jokey comment about it & see his reaction perhaps?

TheElephantofSurprise · 13/02/2017 15:13

You hardly know him.
He's made you feel uncomfortable about having slept with him.
You know what to do.

Twistmeandturnme · 13/02/2017 15:15

Can you see any of the other pictures taken in the hot tub?
It looks to me like a lairy uni mates reunion rather than anything sinister, especially as the other girl in the tub is clearly wearing a bikini.
At least your jealousy is helping to confirm that you really like him. Perhaps it's time to have that talk OP?

TheNaze73 · 13/02/2017 15:15

If you approached me on this & a) You didn't know for certain that they were naked & b) You weren't even exclusive yet & c) It had been only 6 weeks, I'd think you were being hard work. The only opinion that matters though is yours, so if it irks you, end it.

Trills · 13/02/2017 15:17

Strapless bikinis exist.

You haven't had the exclusivity chat.

It could be OK.

It's not definitively "not OK".

What would decide it for me would be how it went when I brought it up. And I would bring it up because if we were moving towards being a couple I would want to be able to bring up topics that had made me uncomfortable.

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