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Original poster

Is this ok? (New guy, not sure)

181 replies

Princessmollygolly · 13/02/2017 14:38

Quick straw poll: Guy you're seeing for 6 weeks, sleeping with etc, goes away for a (female) friend's birthday weekend (apparently about 8 people there, old uni friends.) Gets tagged in a photo naked in a hot tub wth also naked girl (another female "friend") Looking very cosy. Alcohol everywhere.
Is that ok?
Thoughts..?

OP posts:
Howlongtilldinner · 13/02/2017 23:56

Please end it OP..you sound like you are getting 'into him' and may end up terribly hurt, with your self esteem in tatters where you are accepting 'crumbs'.

Go with your gut instinct, and 'uncomfortableness' it will serve you well indeed.

LesisMiserable · 13/02/2017 23:58

6'weeks in and no dates for half those 6 weeks? Hot tub or no hot tub I dont think he even considers himself to be dating you tbh OP. I think youve been gazumped amd if youve any dignity you'll end it before he ghosts you totally.

HellonHeels · 14/02/2017 00:02

No foreplay?! Seriously whatever is the point of him? No dates for last three weeks, just booty calls to his house for crap sex?

Bin by text he deserves nothing.

Destinysdaughter · 14/02/2017 00:08

No foreplay is a massive deal breaker for me as it shows he's selfish and isn't interested in trying to make you happy.

Bin him !

neweymcnewname · 14/02/2017 00:37

Sadly it sounds a bit like he was taking u out at the start to bag you as a conquest, and he now doesn't deem it necessary as he has u available for sex when he wants it..it can be really hard to let go of a great first impression, but i think you may have to accept that he was making an effort to impress, and this is the real him Sad

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 14/02/2017 01:09

Don't even bother to dump him. He's not worth the text.

The bad booty calls alone are more than enough reason. And that whingeing he was doing about when he'll get a shag! Butt-clenchingly cringeyworthy. >boak<

Do change his number in your phone to something that will discourage you from getting in touch. Like "BadShag" or "TwoPumpChump" (Thank You Lucifer! Grin )

Happy Valentines Day, BTW. Flowers Love yourself!

AyeAmarok · 14/02/2017 05:40

Oh OP, where is your self-esteem!? Why have you been settling for all this crap? No foreplay, not communicating with you, dismissive of your efforts, no dates, making you feel anxious... This is not a good relationship!

Dump, block and move on.

Flowers
Sugarlumps333 · 14/02/2017 05:53

Ummmm no foreplay thing - NO. If he knows you are not 'ready' and gets on with it anyway he is a pig. I couldn't have sex with someone who did this to me - would turn me off so much, no amount of foreplay would rectify it! Forget the hot tub - non issue in comparison to this. He sounds nasty and full of himself. Burst his bubble and ghost him - don't give him the satisfaction of a sit down 'talk'. It will probably just bore him by the sounds of it and he will be wondering when he can get on with trying to have sex with you and then take off again. Actions speak louder than words - ignore.

Phoebefromfriends · 14/02/2017 06:02

Haven't read all of this. Personally I would have to break up with him if it was me. it's more than just a picture, he lied about this woman, whether or not there was nudity is irrelevant and he's proud of a pic that suggests sex in a hot tub going onto FB. I would be gutted if a guy I was seeing did something like that, even after 6 weeks.

He just seems a bit childish and I haven't got time for that. hope you make a decision you feel comfortable with.

Cuppaoftea · 14/02/2017 06:03

He's not worth even a text.

Delete his number, block him on social media.

Find someone worthy of you Op. Flowers

Phoebefromfriends · 14/02/2017 06:04

Just read the thing about no foreplay and I'm shocked to be honest. Please dump him and never see him again that's truly horrible, what a dick.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2017 06:55

There is always more to the simple "he did this one slightly annoying thing" isn't there ?

I wonder when the manpleasers will twig this and stop coming on threads like this to tell women they are being controlling/needy/paranoid/insert stupid word of choice

Phoebefromfriends · 14/02/2017 07:13

Agree with AnyFucker it's always the tip of the iceberg.

Trills · 14/02/2017 07:40

I would dump, him, but because of all the other stuff you've just said
(no dates, no foreplay, not actually being nice to you) not because someone took a picture of him in a hot tub.

Kittencatkins123 · 14/02/2017 08:09

Oh god OP - reading your new posts - definitely get rid! For the lack of foreplay alone. He sounds like a horrible lad who watches too much porn and thinks all women love giving blow jobs and vaginas are just there for him to stick his dick into.

As for the rest of the shitty behaviour - he clearly doesn't think he has to make an effort anymore and honestly, it sounds like he's just using you for sex. It's fucking rude and you deserve way better.

You are far too nice, thoughtful and sweet for this idiot! I would just ghost him, but if you're feeling generous, send a text then block, delete and ignore.

WTAFF · 14/02/2017 08:33

OP I could have written your messages. The only difference is that I'm now three years down the line, my self esteem is rock bottom, my life feels largely worthless and I'm having to see a counsellor.

Before my relationship, I was HAPPY, truly happy on my own. My life is not better for being in this relationship but I'm stuck in an endless cycle of trust issues, controlling behaviour (from him), lack of emotional support and I don't have the strength to end it. I am trying to regain the strength - we moved back to my home town to be closer to my family and I'm seeing a counsellor. I'm getting there but it's hard.

6 weeks is nothing. Please, don't end up like me. I know this might sound overly-dramatic but I thought I would stick out the rocky patch at the start and ignore the warning signs. Please just make the right decision for you (whatever that may be).

Also, AnyFucker has commented on a couple of my posts (Name changed). She gives good advice. I would love to be as strong and uncompromising in my relationship as she is. Please don't end up as ground down as I am.

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 14/02/2017 09:16

He did seem quite shy and nice at first. Gentlemanly, respectful-- which was why when I got a scent of "booty call" a few weeks in and realised he literally spent about two seconds on me before penetrative sex, I was really surprised. He seemed like s typical nice guy. My ex was very intense, good looking and vain, good in bed and had a temper- he was very EA and gas lighting- this guy seemed the opposite so when stuff hasn't added up (or he has disappeared for days on end) I have found it confusing.
I really, really don't want to be naive about him. I need to look at the evidence. I agree the hot tub thing is probably a red herring at this point but it shows in itself he is not the guy I see myself with riding into the sunset. PP who said the hot tub obsession was cringey- yes!! :/
I think I may just ghost now.

OP posts:
DubiousCredentials · 14/02/2017 09:22

Dear God OP you are worth so much more than this immature loser. You sound perfectly nice and normal in terms of expectations and attitude. He sounds like a selfish pratt.

HellonHeels · 14/02/2017 09:24

He managed to keep up his nice guy act for about three weeks.

Kittencatkins123 · 14/02/2017 09:27

This reminds me of being at an event years ago and a group of lame sleazy guys trying to get me and my friends to go back to theirs for a jacuzzi. We were like GOD NO and spent the rest of the night dancing around singing 'Jacuzzi' to the tune of 'Tequila'.

Onwards and considerably upwards OP Smile

INeedNewShoes · 14/02/2017 09:38

If you ghost him you will definitely be in the wrong and he may not have done anything more wrong than get in a hot tub (though I am with you that it doesn't look good).

I still think it could all be innocent and I wouldn't throw the relationship away purely based on one photo.

Ghosting is horrid and cowardly. At least send a text saying you've moved on so he knows where he is.

MyheartbelongstoG · 14/02/2017 09:44

When I first met my boyfriend there were zero games, zero!

Six weeks and he's like this.

Life is just too short for twats.

AnyFucker · 14/02/2017 09:45

Op, I suggest you do what feels comfortable for you. Ghost him if you wish and you would not be "in the wrong" to do so. It's not like he isn't keeping any other options on the table is it ?

You don't owe him a thing, but you do owe your self respect enough to exit this relationship.

Justmuddlingalong · 14/02/2017 09:46

Reading your subsequent posts, the jacuzzi shenanigans are besides the point. You've been seeing him for 6 weeks. For 3 of those you went on dates, for the last 3 you've went to his for sex. And bad sex at that. Is he really such a big loss?

Original poster
Princessmollygolly · 14/02/2017 09:48

I'm not trying to be horrid ineednewshoes. there has been oher stuff too. I think it may be better for me to have high standards/expectations than low ones given that I've been messed around in the past. His take on the weekend away has been quite offputting. I do believe he is the kind of guy who would get drunk and hook up just for an ego boost. Wish I didn't.

OP posts:
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