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Original poster

The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

999 replies

Bant · 11/02/2017 19:43

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
Lovemusic33 · 20/02/2017 22:27

Thanks bant I was brave and just sent a message, I have being the first to message but with bumble the have no choice, this is the first person I have messaged, I have matched with a couple people on bumble but I always chicken out.

AintThatSomething · 20/02/2017 23:10

well done LM33 sending it, I wonder what he will be like?

out I like the Savoy line Grin

goldfish it's going to be hard for that gift to out do the vibrator!

I've been busy at it. I have a hot spannish man on Tinder that wants to meet to coffee but is crap at messaging, another 1 on there that I have had a witty conversation with but he if about an hour and a halfs drive away. Also another bloke who is working down in London in the week- I thought he was going to start sexting but seem to have avoided that.

I also have a bloke that I liked on the Match shuffle thing that sent me a message saying did you mean to like me. He is 11 years older (40 v 51) but looked like he might be interesting. He has just sent me his number to message instead. Not sure what he will look like in real life and whether he will look too old for me or not. He is more local though.

I seem to be covering a wide spectrum at the moment there.

Old iron that ended up not ghosting me but sending a really nice note saying he has had a couple of dates with someone and doesn't want to date 2 at once (and we really struggled to meet due to work stuff on both sides) said he would like to chat still if I wanted to. Quite liked him and we did have funny chats but don't know if he was just being polite? Might give it a few days and then send him something funny??

AintThatSomething · 20/02/2017 23:12

Sorry, just re read that post I made below- can you tell I was a bit bruised after the iron said he had dated someone else and was going to concentrate there. I was busy over the last couple of days Blush

UpYerGansey · 21/02/2017 07:56

aintthat maybe he was further down the messaging motorway with the other person? I'd cut him a little slack here. Obviously you stayed on his mind?

RunnnyMummy · 21/02/2017 08:30

Anyone having problems with POF today? I can't get on. It's not accepting my password.
I've heard people complain before that they can't log in then get deleted.

AintThatSomething · 21/02/2017 09:29

runnymummy it is letting me log in ok

UpYer Yes, I think that is it. He did send a really nice message saying he wasn't the type to try and date to at once but had been on a couple of dates with her and wanted to see what happened. We had real trouble trying to find dates that we could both do over the last couple of weeks so no surprise. We did get on and he is nice so relatively happy to remain on a back burner, or just to chat/have coffee as friends....

karmassidekick · 21/02/2017 10:12

Hi all, I've come to join you as I joined tinder last night on a whim.
Had a few matches, about 90% of people I liked have matched me which I find suspicious if not a bit of an ego boost.
Do you all have a clear idea what you're looking for relationship wise?
I'm not really sure what I want or if I have time for it maybe I shouldn't be on there but I wanted to have a look what's out there I guess (nosy)

zanywany · 21/02/2017 11:05

Back again after a busy and stressful weekend. Ex turned up at my house on friday begging for another chance and was very emotional, I felt really mean but I am standing firm as we just don't work together. Would be easier to get back with him in so may ways but I need someone more outgoing and into family etc. So felt a bit low.

Get what you mean about other peoples opinions about OLD, my Dad told me yesterday to just socialise more and go for coffee on my own to meet someone! Also 'Don't look and the perfect man will turn up' Umm no that's not going to happen.

Loving the idea of profile pix with tinned salmon Bant - I would message you if I saw that as it shows a sense of humour

BernieBear · 21/02/2017 11:14

Hi MrsFluff - glad you're having a great time, let us know more when you're back Grin

RunnnyMummy · 21/02/2017 11:59

I've reinstalled POF & it's working, so must have just been me.

karma I have no idea what I want either. I'm looking, enjoying a few dates and just going from there.
I've found a non-date friend who I see occasionally. But I also like the idea of fwb but haven't got that far with any one yet.

rememberthetime · 21/02/2017 12:58

Welcome karma - i learnt so much from reading this thread and it worked out for me (kind of).
I think the best way to find out what you want is to just try out a few dates. You really have nothing to lose and you will soon narrow down what works and what doesn't. Plus the looking is fun and is an ego boost in the beginning.

karmassidekick · 21/02/2017 13:34

Thanks for the welcome. I think at this stage it would just be nice to go out for drinks with different people and flirt abit and have fun in know I'm not looking to settle down but might be one day but not for the forsee able.

I've never done old before but I know on pof people state their intent in their profile but on tinder they don't which makes it easier for me but I'm also wary of wasting any ones time.
I have no idea what to say to people as a first message without sounding like a dork...
Trying to work out when I'm gonna have time for these drinks

minop · 21/02/2017 13:45

Karma welcome to the mad world. You have to be careful what you say your looking for as they can be a lot of code words for MB (sex) I just want fun as I work and have 3 kids and don't really have time for anything more, but I can't say that as that means I just want to get laid to most. I've found saying I want to date helps. There's highs and lows but this thread keeps you from feeling your going crazy

Tinkerbellx · 21/02/2017 15:02

So tonight I have a date Smile Or do I ? I started talking to a guy off Match about a year ago . We talked some and he seemed really keen . Too keen so I kind of ignored him then

After a few months he still sent the odd message asking if I was still there and was I ok .
One day I replied again ..... he had persevered for so long .
Anyway we talked for a few weeks / months and eventually arranged a drink together .
I think he cancelled or I did .....one of us was ill . Anyway since November all in all we've made 4 dates and all been cancelled at the last minute . We've each cancelled 2 and for very legit reasons .
One of them though I still hadnt heard from him by 7 pm to confirm so I messaged and said " I think we'd better leave tonight " .
He was shocked but I really don't think he was planning on coming . An assumption I know . He could have genuinely been coming but I just expected a reply confirming as I had arranged babysitter ect .

So once again we're on for tonight .
As per usual he's gome quiet .
In his defence he works ridiculous hours and is coming straight from work .
He recently spent a month in India and I decided to give him 2 weeks to arrange to see me . I thought after a year this guy either wants to make time for me or not .
He called the week after he'd returned ( I knew he'd want to spend his first days off with his little girl ) and we arranged tonight .
I think regardless of reason if he cancels tonight I'm done hanging on . .
The only reason I havent so far is because for some reason I actually really like him and think I read too much into things . He could be all talk and no action but when he talks he pushes every button .
Just because I haven't heard doesn't mean he's going to cancel and if he does his loss right !!

Anyway sorry for long and really boring probably rant .
Painting nails and curling locks in readiness .
He's very handsome though girls which I don't normally go for .
Yikes .

Pavonia · 21/02/2017 15:32

Tink why not send him a short message now just to check that he is still on? In the circumstances he shouldn't be surprised. Maybe he didn't think anything needed confirming before?

I think you are right to say now or never. A year is a long time not to meet.

InfoSec21 · 21/02/2017 15:36

Messaged four people yesterday, all nice personal well crafted messages, via POF.

Two viewed me but didn't reply.
Two didn't even view.

One different lass messaged me to say I was pouting in my pictures. I viewed her and she was the poutiest creature on earth! So I replied to ask where I was pouting and she didn't reply. Anyone who drops a message to someone purely to have a little pop is a headcase.

My faith is fading.

rememberthetime · 21/02/2017 16:49

hey Info - give them time! it was only yesterday and not everyone checks messages every day. But Ms Pouty....well, that's strange. maybe she's been reading those pick-up artist books where men are encouraged to attract a woman by being critical - because we like it apparently...

Tinkerbell - good luck. if he doesn't show - take those nails and curly locks out for the night on your own or call a girlfriend.

Lovemusic33 · 21/02/2017 16:54

I just had a accident on Tinder and I am now in hiding. So I'm flicking through and up comes a photo of a guy that is tied up, intrigued I click to have a look and flick upwards to try and look at his profile (just out of curiosity, being tied up is really not my thing) and I accidentally 'super liked' him and got a match, I am now petrified at what sort of message I will receive from him later. At least my evening might have some excitement even if it's not the sort of thing I'm wanting.

Info, things are similar here, I messaged the man on bumble but heard nothing back, have had a few matches on tinder and messaged a couple but no reply. Mr MOD messaged today to tell me he might be able to come and see me next week, I have no idea what's going on with him and I am fed up of waiting for him to decide what he wants.

InfoSec21 · 21/02/2017 17:08

Ha ha looking forward to seeing what you get from Mr 50 Shades later!!

Tinkerbellx · 21/02/2017 17:10

I will Pavoria but not until after 6 .
I know he's working until at least then and has no signal what so ever so little point earlier .
I'll then give him a little grace to message me .
Remember I think I will .
'My girlfriend is on a date with an established oartner at the same venue this evening and she'd like me to meet him to night pop in anyway and have a drink with them .
I'd check with my friend first !
Fingers crossed he's on for tonight x x.

Pavonia · 21/02/2017 17:15

Lovemusic, you can unmatch. I've superliked by mistake before too. I don't think that aspect of the app is well designed.

brittanyfairies · 21/02/2017 18:19

Can I just ask a quick question? Is it possible for matches on Tinder to see when I'm online? I often seem to get messages when i just click onto it. I'm not sure if they can see I'm online or it's just coincidence.

karmassidekick · 21/02/2017 18:47

So the first guy to message me on tinder didn't go too well, I asked him about one of his hobbies and he said oh do you like 'said hobby' and I replied no not really haha and he said why ask then? Hmm then he said well that lasted lol. Just didn't give me any scope to reply and didn't ask me about myself or my interests or hobbies so next please. All his pics were selfies taken in his car so maybe I wasn't being as picky as I thought I was.

Lovemusic33 · 21/02/2017 19:03

Mr 50 shades has messaged me, it would be rude not to write anything back right?

And now someone else has messaged me on Tinder who actually shares a hobby with me but his message is kind of odd, I can't moan as it says more than 'hi' which is always a bonus.

Pavonia · 21/02/2017 19:06

Karma I often wonder why there are so many men with pics taken sitting in their car. Is it because they can't take them at home?

I am finding it really difficult to have a good conversation on Tinder. There was one guy who seemed promising as we have a shared interest which it became evident that he knew a lot about. But I realised that he answered my questions but never asked about me. I have yet to talk to anyone who shows any real interest (apart from one younger guy who was definitely very interested in having sex with me Shock).