The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

And when did going on holiday become "travelling" anyway?

Word Pavonia

It's a load of rubbish isn't it

If they have 'adventurer' or 'traveller' as their personality type, I move on.

I'm still trying to prod my Tinder matches into life. I messaged three this morning:

1. Unmatched me
2. Replied to the first message but didn't ask anything about me and didn't reply to second message.
3. Didn't reply yet. [I appreciate some people are busy during the day]

I actually respect numnber 1 as I wish more of them would unmatch if they are not interested. They are just clutter. People, if you can't reply to a short message or you've got more matches than you can handle, stop bloody swiping.

I also did some decluttering, people that hadn't replied to messages from last week.

I have a whole bunch of matches with blank profiles that I don't really know what to say to. I might message them all this evening when they are more likely to be online with the aim of further decluttering.

I don't travel much so I don't make a thing of it on my profile.

I think for hobbies, sure it would be nice to have somewhere who shares your hobbies. If someone is out training a lot, that doesn't leave much time for other stuff. If they both train together, that sounds like time spent together and encouraging each other rather than turning into 'you're always out on that bike' or 'you're always buying stuff for that car' type situations.

My best mate likes gaming. So does his wife. That means they play together and when he plays, she doesn't complain or tell him to get off that thing etc.

I think hobbies are good to share. I like going to the gym, I don't expect a man to join me there but good if he keeps fit and we could train together every now and then.

I've been ghosted which really annoys me. Grow some balls and tell me you don't want to see me again. Coward.

Never mind! NEXT!!!

I've just had a heartfelt message for my no Valentine's iron, sad about losing me and wondering where it all went wrong. I could list the reasons, but don't really want to get back into it, I said what I needed to last week. But he was nice, should I reply or leave it? Feel a little guilty as I have a potential date on Friday already after installing Tinder at the weekend. Not entirely sure there's a spark but his volume and times of messaging suits me, although his spelling isn't good there/their your/you're our/are Not sure if I'm being too fussy though...

I felt a bit sad when I read the P&J as I'd love to be in that position right now
How long had you been seeing each other? What is your gut telling you to do?
Reading your post, it sounds like you have moved on in your head already, so I'm thinking that it might be better left alone?
Or you could agree to meet up for a drink, on the strong and clear premise that there is no guarantee or promise of anything coming of it.

Oh, and everyone, thanks for your helpful info on Guardian Soulmates. I had thought that it was free, so will just leave it.

that not the

Popcorn - it would really bother me if there were spelling mistake in messages on a regular basis (we all get lazy sometimes). I am a writer, so for me attention to grammar and spelling is kind of important.

That said, Mr Overseas has a PhD and still confuses Compliment with Complement and it drives me to distraction. But I won't tell him because I don't want him to stop giving me "complements" !

As for your no valentine - I would be kind and offer him an olive branch of an explanation. But then I really hate to upset people.

I know remember and I'm like that too. Made a few mistakes in posts on here and want to hang my head in shame when I read them. dieu it was three months to the day. He was honestly so lovely and attentive to begin with, but it started to feel like a FWB scenario after a while. Because we lived so far apart nothing was spontaneous and it felt like too soon to be in such a routine. I felt I could have moved on to a relationship but he seemed happy where we were. Oh, I don't know, relationships are hard anyway, when you add the online part in it's a nightmare. Thank goodness for this thread

On the subject of OLD, it makes me so when friends in LTR give all the 'oh, I could never do that/I'd rather be alone than do OLD/why don't you just go and meet someone in RL' Grrrr - it's not just me, is it?

Yeah that and the old she's just around the corner comments. I'm evidently going to all the wrong corners!!

No, popcorn. All my friends are married and have no single friends, I don't date people I work with, so that leaves randomly bumping into people in Tesco (they throw you out if you do that too much) or online dating.

I tried Meetup. People were largely unattractive.

Maybe I'm slightly bitter about the hobbies thing. They feel like a luxury to me as a single parent sometimes!

It makes sense to say what you like to do, of course, but I think some profiles are almost hostile in the way it is all about how much they love cycling/running/travelling, and all the pictures are about that too, and there's nothing on there about values and actual personalities. It almost feels a little elitist.

I find the profiles with just a couple of simple head shots and something more in the text than just a list of hobbies, iyswim.

*i like, not I find.

I'm also sick of hearing that love happens when you're not looking for it. Like you bant I don't want to date anyone from work. Even worse, I shop online so I'm not even in with a chance at Tesco!

If only I had a pound for every time someone's told me that as soon as I stop looking for someone, I'll meet someone ... NO! It just doesn't happen. I think a lot of people who have been coupled up for years just don't have a clue how hard it is.

I also find I'm put off by people who can't write and spell properly. Some of the people who message me seem barely able to write a sentence. But then I wonder if I'm being too fussy and should give them a chance - after all, if I started seeing them, I guess we wouldn't spend much time writing to each other.

I don't reply to the 'how r u' messages or anyone whose profile is really badly written. The odd spelling mistake doesn't bother me too much, but if it is all text speak or terrible punctuation, I move on.

That said, I did have an epic bold fail here just now...

I consider my profile a bit like a CV. I made sure to proof-read it before putting out there, and would hope others would make a bit of an effort with theirs too. I suppose I'm thinking also about the future. Do I want a life partner who would struggle to fill out a form or write a formal letter? I think it's a standard I want to uphold, but I also don't want to be too picky.

Urgh it's a mine field!

minefield

Hello from Portugal!!!! I will catch up with everyone's updates when I'm home tomorrow, but I hope you're all OK.

Holiday has been fantastic, just what I needed! We are already planning the next two

Bant

I knew there'd be something!

MrsFluff, fantastic to hear you're having such a good time!

One of my irons (who I haven't met yet) has just said he's bought me a present! Before yesterday, my first thought would probably be 'well, that's a bit unusual when we haven't met, but how lovely'. Now my first thought after Clawdeen's experience is that it's going to be a vibrator!

I would like someone who shares at least 2 of my hobbies ( I have many to chose from ), I also agree about the men who like to travel, I usually avoid them, of course I would love to visit exotic places but with 2 children in toe it's not possible, I always assume that the ones who like to travel are the tripe that are not ready to settle down any time soon.
I go to the gym but most men that go to the gym are not my type, I don't actually find a muscular man that atractive and even though I like to keep myself fit I don't mind a slightly out of shape man ( but not hugely over weight), I don't want a gym buddy, it's something I like to do alone.

I just got a match on Bumble, was unsure which way to swipe as he looks out of my league, then I thought 'what the he'll' and I got a match, now I'm scared to message him. He's quite local but I'm guessing (from where he lives) that he is possibly in the army.

Meh. I like to travel. Work takes me to lots of places, and sometimes I'll tack a few days on to explore.

But as far as taking months off life at a time to go wander through the jungle. Well no, I don't have time for that.

If you don't message him, you'll never know, LM.

I got a match on bumble today, and I'm hoping she'll message me, as she's attractive and interesting (for what she's written) and I can't do bugger all about it..

Mindful of what you all say about 'ghosting' I have just told Mr"are you a sexy person or a love person" that he is not my type and it had been nice chatting with him (it hadn't been that nice - he just sent pointless single lines).

I had asked him what that meant and he said he wanted to know if I would like sexy innuendo or would it be too soon and maybe we should meet first (presumably he thinks that once we have met it's all on for the sexy innuendo!). He sounded like an over enthusiastic fifteen year old. The single line messages were doing my head in as it meant my email was full of notifications, I had to turn them off!

I need to reply to Mr"is the restaurant you went to expensive" - such an odd question I'm not sure what to say. I thinking "more than Macdonalds, less than the savoy", maybe?

No-one I have messaged has bothered to reply.

No, you can't meet people in Tesco. No, they won't appear when you stop looking. No, loving yourself first does not mean someone will automatically love you.

I don't really have any 'hobbies' so maybe that is why I baulk at the great long lists of exertions people call hobbies these days. I like walking, reading, some films, theatre, opera, eating out, travel (OK, holidays!) etc. None of those are 'hobbies' as such though.