The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

[Bant]

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.

Plenty I would definitely suggest meeting up myself after that length of time. Unless there is significant distance involved, meeting up for a coffee or something to find out if you actually get on in person is hardly a massive commitment is it? Unless you like just messaging?

Glad it's not just me with the messaging. I guess I just need to work through enough people.

Ha! Thanks welsh

I'm far from a dating God though, if I was I wouldn't be on here still asking for advice.

My only suggestion is, ask for a joke. Or better still, tell a joke you heard.

If men think you're funny and witty, they'll either run away or get more enthralled with you. Both are good, in the long run.

But a long distance thing, is that okay for you? I was in a long distance thing with someone from California a couple of years ago. It died a death as we had no future. Is it just a sticking plaster?

bant I have had this one on the go for about 4 months. He's very on board with my hilarity. I just need to not tell him I'm head over heels in love with him

MrLD is about 1.5 hours away. It's working fine so far. I see him roughly every other weekend, when we're both childfree, he's taken a days leave for a midweek date too. California - ouch. Not sure I could deal with that level of long distance but for someone amazing, who knows!!!

Ok, my finest joke:

What cheese can you use to hide a horse in?

Marscapone.

Honestly, it's a wonder I'm not beating them off with a stick...

Last, I think playing pool is a good idea. It should make it more relaxed and less intense than a typical drinks or dinner date. Have fun.

Infosec I think you might be spot on with "someone better comes along" . I do wonder if some just aren't that motivated or are just looking for validation as Bant said.

welsh I may have to nick that one :)

Awwww, info, my lil' Linux geek. You deserve someone who is willing to make a proper effort for you!

bamt you are more than welcome.

Also, why are hot chilli peppers so nosy?

'Cause they're jalapeño business.....

Terrible..

:)

I think there isn't one single reason why people disappear. Married, single but looking for validation, single but talking to others, single but not into you.

It's a numbers game, and it's tricky. You could meet someone amazing and perfect for you, but only two years from now, as at the moment they're talking to someone else who isn't as good for them as you would be, but they don't know that. Or they're screwed up by their ex, or work is too much of a focus.

It's all random, and luck, and circumstance.

All you can do is be you, and the best version of you without being fake, and have a thick skin, and optimism

Like the joke line, and love the marscapone joke too!
Maybe I should suggest it with Mr 2 weeks, of messaging though always want the man to do the asking! I even have on my very short tinder info that good to meet fairly quickly.

Plentyoffishnets It is hard to chat to strangers without something to spark the conversation isn't it? I did realise after I split from my partner that my life was revolving around my children so I made a particular effort to do more things as I did feel I didn't have a lot to talk about. That can be a challenge.

There's news, current affairs, etc. but that can be a bit heavy.

I just want someone to have something to say at the moment, I almost don't care what. If I ask someone how they like to spend their free time at the weekend and they reply with "relaxing" I'm none the wiser.

I'm feeling a bit more upbeat as the chap that messaged me again this evening actually seems OK. We've said goodnight now, but even that is nice as others just disappear with saying anything. I wouldn't mind if they just said something to indicate that they are signing off. Surely that's good manners?

I so agree with this
*Also, from the history on this thread, men who go quiet between asking and having a first date don't tend to be relationship material.

Someone's got to be interested in you, as a person, where the date is a means to an end, where the end is getting to know you better.*

After a few of those, I have learnt to cancel those dates

stubburn loved that BIG CAPS ! go girl

got to read the tail of 112 and the rest of this one

personal update - still no chance to chat/date (troubles with RL) and now half term, but I am going to resume by next week end

really do not like doing without more than 4 weeks

Tried to do a loo update earlier but could not find the new thread.

Mr Norm is nice...No he's lovely! We are seeing each other again later today.

Saturday evening we headed to the pub for a drink then on to dinner, back to the same pub where there was live music. A lovely night.
Bant I took your advice! Probably talked too much and too fast, but what the back!

...what the heck!

Some advice lovely people, please.
I saw MrPhd for date 1 coffee mid January. He messaged after to say he'd like to see me again. But he was away for work. So I suggested yesterday evening for date 2 and he agreed. He's one of those that doesn't message much so I can go for a day or two without hearing from him.
At the beginning of the week he confirmed Saturday was still good. But he added that he had a cold so hoped he would feel better.
Yesterday morning I got a text to say he felt really and so had to cancel. I replied to say sorry to hear that. I added I was away this week, which he knew, and hoped we could finally meet again when I returned.
I didn't get a reply til yesterday evening. He said thank and yes that would be good.

I can't tell if I'm getting the run around from him or not.

I'd say that's inconclusive runny. He could be either genuinely ill (snotty mess isn't very attractive, and I've postponed dates in those circumstances) - or he is backup girling you.

I think at the moment you just have to accept that both are possible.

Mind you, I bin someone if in the early days they make me feel worried. It is, after all, meant to be fun at this point...

Hi just wondered if I could have some opinions , met a guy through being introduced by a mutual friend, chatted online a while, moved to WhatsApp and continued chatting, he drove 40 miles to pick me up from work so we meet and have a coffee
It went really well, he seems really nice, was really comfortable talking to him and we had a good laugh, he says he wants to take it slow and get to know me as he would prefer a connection on all levels
We met again, lots of chatting and kissing, if makes me weak at the knees if I'm honest
Messages me saying he can't stop thinking about me and he's got it bad, can't stop smiling etc
BUT, he's initiated sex chat a few times, I've gone along with it once but can't shake the feeling that I'm being seen as a challenge
He insists her looking for something long term and he's very respectful and gentle when I'm with him so I don't know if it's of being cynical and this is normal
I really like him and would love this to work out, am supposed to be seeing him again tomorrow
Woke up to a message from late last night saying "I want you"
What do you think?

Traumadoll, I wouldn't like it. Maybe you could tell him that you don't want him saying something in a message that he wouldn't say to your face. The "i want you" message wouldn't necessarily be a problem if you were already having a sexual relationship, but you are not therefore it seems inappropriate to me.

Thanks Bant for starting a new thread.

I have been playing around on tinder again, I feel a little guilty as I am meant to be exclusive with mr mod but due to him having a lot going on at the moment I find myself a little bored and lonely in the evenings so thought 'what's the harm in window shopping?', so I have been swiping a few hot men, not usually my type but I was interested to see if I would get a match, usually I would consider these men as 'out of my league' ,I have had about twelve matches including some very good looking men, I have had a couple messages but I haven't responded. Mr mod is meant to be seeing me this week, I know he has personal stuff going on but it's been over 2 weeks since I last saw him and if he doesn't make the effort this week I shall be ending it and I may reply to the messages on tinder . I really like Mr mod, he seems genuine but I can't be doing with the distance and the hardly ever seeing him and the lack of mooseburger so we shall see what this week brings.

traumadoll I would be warry too, I have had a couple of irons like this, when I first started dating I went along with it but it never ended well, I now brush people off who start talking sex before we have actually done it.

Thanks for the repliers, I don't trust my own judgement as I have been spectacularly wrong in the past!

Although to be fair I should have mentioned that we were both on more sex oriented site originally rather than a traditiona dating site

Hi I had a first date on Thursday and meeting him again today for lunch later. He is lovely and honestly my tummy did a flip when I saw him. I think reading mumsnet has made me overthink things though because he is being so nice I'm wondering if he is lovebombing me.

Overthinking is a total bummer!