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Original poster

The Dating Thread, episode 113. Real life and online dating advice.

999 replies

Bant · 11/02/2017 19:43

Open to all going through the horror that is dating as a parent. Jump in with questions and advice.

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize-they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
OP posts:
stubbornstains · 15/02/2017 16:18

Your house wasn't tidy?!?!?!?!

You think he was paying attention to your dusty skirting boards? Grin.

I presume that if you were being that weird and annoying he wouldn't have come back with you?

So........was it good? Wink

BernieBear · 15/02/2017 16:25

Been there, done that Mother Grin

motheroreily · 15/02/2017 16:30

I know I'm crazy!

Hopefully in a weeks time I'll feel better about it. I had a repressed childhood so maybe it's all therapeutic

motheroreily · 15/02/2017 16:33

I wish I could just enjoy it rather than analyse everything.
He called me the next day but I thought he's probably still drunk

Clawdeen · 15/02/2017 16:35

Oh mother sorry to hear you're feeling crap. I'd say he probably didn't care about the dust but I had a ONS that became fixated on my 'annoying' timer switch Confused. I hope he wasn't nasty to you.

I have a rare second date tonight. I was excited but plans have been a bit vague and there have been a few potential red flags which has dimmed the excitement. We're meeting at a tube station and going for dinner. However not knowing where we're going is giving me wardrobe angst! Dress and heels- too much? Jeans and silk blouse- too casual? Grr. In this weather, I just want to wrap up in my duvet. Not sure I could rock that look though!

Pavonia · 15/02/2017 16:58

Motheroreily don't feel bad, it's not wrong to have sex with someone you like or to have an untidy house. He called!

Clawdeen wear something that makes you feel good. He probably won't notice! I think it's hard to dress inappropriately for most restaurants these days.

info sorry to hear it's not going so well. I tried speed dating recently, I didn't meet Mr Right but it was worth doing. Is that something you would consider?

AintThatSomething · 15/02/2017 17:24

Hi all,

Clawdeen good luck tonight Grin
Mother I'm sure mess was the last thing on his mind! I hope you enjoyed it at the time at least Flowers

I saw an iron for a first date a couple of weeks ago that I had been chatting to for ages (calendar clashed) it seemed to go well and we tried to meet up again since but I couldn't last week and he has a busy band thing coming up so we talked vaguely about next week. He has went quiet for the last few days so I think I am being ghosted.

He was the only one I had been talking to for ages (OI, I Know) but I didn't have the time or inclination for spending much time recently trawling. I have started looking again to preempt the ghosting Confused

Quick question though- a few guys have contacted me on POF, I read the message and looked at the profile and thought I would reply back later. 2 of them the profile has no pictures now, but one of them has a picture attached to the email. The one with no pictures at all was in some sort of healthcare. Do you think they are likely to be married/attached?? Wondering whether to bother even replying or not. They did look nicer than some of the dad type people that approach me though.

I have replied to a message to someone else, not quite sure about him but will see what he comes back with.

I am also considering Tinder- might do that tonight. My Match subscription runs out in April so I have made sure it doesn't take another payment and wonder whether to cancel it then. There never seems to be many new men in the area on it. Maybe I need to make more of an effort there.

Sorry, this has turned into a ramble about me. I do read all the thread but often don't get much time to post (or spend a load of time OLD)...

InfoSec21 · 15/02/2017 17:51

I'd think about speed dating yeah, has to be worth a try.

Traumadoll1 · 15/02/2017 17:59

I'm really worried about this love bombing thing, it's making me really anxious and cynical, I've had texts saying "you make me really happy" and "can't stop thinking about you" he's told he hasn't felt this buzz about someone in a long time and it's scary and he would like to take it slow and get to know me
I would love to believe him but.....

Original poster
Bant · 15/02/2017 18:28

Date tonight. Meep.

Wish me luck, I'll try to loo update if I can

OP posts:
Wingletang1 · 15/02/2017 18:36

Just back from my date with mrchef, we had a lovely time again. I think MB will prob happen within the next few dates ... Which I want but err overthinking it a bit! What if I don't hear from him again, when do I suggest he uses a condom?? Blush that kinda think, been 2 years since I last had MB so I'm over thinking it all!!! Ggrrrr!! Confused

LosingDory · 15/02/2017 19:46

Take a condom and present him with it if he doesn't put one on, I would happily do that with my iron. I'm not on any other contraception and I do not want an STDIO if he didn't wear one we wouldn't be having sex

RunnnyMummy · 15/02/2017 19:49

bant hope your date goes well

I'm sad as I think I have to tell Mr 1hr date that date 2 isn't going to happen. Date 1 was great & there was obviously mutual attraction. So we've been discussing the next date being at one of our houses as mb is definitely wanted by both of us.
But I have my daughter at home most of the time so I've offered to get a babysitter and come to him.
Then the excuses started. His walls are thin Hmm, his daughters might visit, he has to get up early.
Plus this afternoon he kept messaging me on WhatsApp then disappearing. I could see he was on POF as well. When I asked why he kept disappearing he said he was driving.
Something doesn't add up here for me, which is a shame as I really liked him.
Just trying to work out how to tell him that I don't trust him.

rememberthetime · 15/02/2017 20:08

Wingle - you might feel more comfortable bringing up the condom thing in a message - rather than face to face. I had a rather frank conversation via whatsapp with Mr Cook about this and just pointed out that I wasn't on contraception and that condoms were essential. As it happened - we didn't have sex, but that's another story!

Runny - maybe just chat for a while longer and see what happens when he realises MB isn't going to happen at your house. Will he be gracious? If not you have your answer. But i would be asking some questions in the meantime.

meanwhile all is well (very!) with me and Mr Overseas. it seems that the more we chat online the closer we are becoming. We haven't gone a day without being in touch since he left 3.5 weeks ago and he mentioned he may be back in April, so not too long until we can see each other again. Our conversations are very intense at times and he has been really supportive of my work this week. I am feeling rather loved up - but yet to say the words...

Lovemusic33 · 15/02/2017 20:38

Runny I would be a bit wary too, most men are pretty up for someone coming over for MB unless they have a wife at home or live with their parents.

wingle glad things are going well. Don't worry about MB, take a condom, I'm sure he will be expecting to use one ( though I have heard so many men say 'I can't keep an errection with a condom on', I'm sure it's just an excuse).

bant hope your date goes well.

Nothing much to tell here, Mr MOD still away as far as I know, had a message from him this morning saying 'hope you have a good day' and haven't heard anything since. Today is my birthday and I was kind of hoping for a little something Sad.

buzzpopprince · 15/02/2017 20:44

Love happy birthday to you! WineFlowersCake

InfoSec21 · 15/02/2017 20:46

Happy Birthday Lovemusic, hope you are having a majestic day!!

RunnnyMummy · 15/02/2017 20:56

love happy birthday!

I'm just going to stick with messaging Mr 1hr date for now. See what happens. He's just messaged asking if I'm there but not stayed around on WhatsApp to see my reply. I would bet he's also on POF and doing a couple of chats at the same time.
Nothing is going to happen for at least week as it's half term here and my daughter is with me so I'll see how insistent he is on coming to my house next week.

Lovemusic33 · 15/02/2017 20:56

Thank you, I have stuffed my face with food ( took my dc's out for lunch ), now sat on my own thinking 'something is missing?'. Would have been nice if someone had made a little effort, feeling frustrated as I have several others message me and offered to spoil me for my birthday.

itcuddles · 15/02/2017 21:05

mother if it makes you feel any better I did the same this weekend, my first ever ONS. Matched with a very hot French man on tinder whilst on holiday, agreed too meet up and had some wonderful sex the same night. After a long 8 month dry patch it's reignited fire in me Grin.

Donatello68 · 15/02/2017 21:10

Advice desperately required.....I have just come of a 24 year relationship which ended in a horrible divorce (I am 45). I started chatting to this guy on an online dating site for a few days, we spoke on this phone this evening and got on really well. He has asked me out for dinner tomorrow night.....help!!!! Any advice gratefully received!!! What do I wear?? We are going to a country pub?? Nice top and jeans, black dress or blue/purple dress?? Help!!!!

itcuddles · 15/02/2017 21:17

Happy birthday lovemusic! I haven't read the whole thread so not sure how far you are in the dating stage with Mr mod but he sounds kinda thoughtless there, it only takes a couple of minutes to send a nice personalised birthday message at the very least.

itcuddles · 15/02/2017 21:22

Donatello good work on getting a date so quick! I think jeans and a nice top are your best bet for a country pub date.

Wingletang1 · 15/02/2017 21:53

Donatello yes jeans and a nice top. The first date is always stressful, it does get better!

Happy Birthday love it's my bday next week wondering if I should mention it to mrchef or not

Donatello68 · 15/02/2017 22:04

Thank you Itcuddles and Wingletang! It is very nerve wracking.

Any dos and diont's on a first date??