No contact since New Year's Day. Struggling

[onmybroomstick]

Amazing Christmas together in his flat. Bought me watch, handbag, books, pjs, slippers, chocs, perfume, smellies. Spent Xmas night, Boxing Day night, the 28th and New Year's Eve together. Come home New Year's Day, not a peep since. I've had a birthday in this time, didn't even receive a happy birthday message. The day after my birthday I messaged like a crazed idiot telling him how hurt and upset I was, admittedly sent far too many messages but I lost my mind watching him read and ignore all my messages. Eventually I got one reply telling me to leave him alone, so I have. Now I am really missing him, no idea what I've done wrong. He has had form for this and did it the same time last year. I'm so confused and feel so rubbish about myself that he's treating me this way. Why wouldn't I deserve an explanation. We usually talk everyday several times. Think I'm writing here to stop me reaching out to him again, just to be rejected as I'm struggling to switch off tonight, he's taking over my head again. I wish I could just forget him yet with no answers I don't feel like I ever will..

You are worthy, and deserving of true love . As others say, it is out there. Spoil yourself today, for the whole day be kind to yourself.

There was a thread recently Onmy asking for people who had happy long term relationships and marriages to post about what made them successful.

It's worth a read. There's not many posts of the "he treats me like a princess/buys me things/takes me nice places" nature.
It's mostly about being best friends, having great communication skills, seeing each other through thick and thin.

This man that's making you so miserable isn't ever going to make you happy long term.

He called you fat!
He said no one else would want you!

A man that loved you would say (and truly believe) that you were beautiful.

A man that loved you would say that he was lucky to have you.

He is treating you badly because you are letting him.

He behaved badly last year and you rewarded his bad behaviour. He'll expect to get away with the same again this year.

Things don't matter.
Actions matter.

I adore my DH. Not because he buys me gifts, but because he loves me, makes me laugh, and is my best friend in the whole world.

This horrible man doesn't deserve you. He isn't even worth your tears sweetheart.

Don't be on tenterhooks waiting for him to call. Block his number and block him on social media.

Men like this never ever change. Anyone who tells you you are fat or puts you down in any way is a nasty piece of work.

I do get it - you know he's an arsehole but you still want him. This happened to me. I've been obsessed with people who are arseholes. What I did was to not date/ have sex with anyone for a year and it has really helped my view of myself.

This is not about you - it's about him - he will treat anyone who allows him to this way. He's disordered. I'm not a religious person really but I've always felt that this description of what love is/isn't is very helpful when determining whether someone is an abusive arsehole or not

'Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.'

How are you Op?

OP, read this - it explains well why NC feels so hard

www.chumplady.com/2015/11/why-is-no-contact-so-hard-3/

I'm really sad I'm not going to pretend I'm not. I've woke up and I'm doing nothing but cry. I don't know if I'm going to be so strong today

Stay strong and pull yourself together! Don't be the pathetic doormat he'll expect you to be. Prove him wrong.

What are you going to achieve by running to him? You'll never be happy with him now. All you will do is delay the inevitable - you are a 30 year old mother of 2! You CAN do this. Don't waste any more if these valuable years with a man who obviously dislikes you.
Why would you want to be a member of a club who doesn't want you as a member? Unfortunately he's been so abusive and manipulative, he's got you thinking that you are not worthy of very basic necessities like love, respect and kindness. DO NOT contact him. Alcohol blues are to blame for how you're feeling now. He doesn't even like you, let alone love you.

You are grieving a lie OP. I have a feeling this is your swan song of grief. My bet is once these tears have dried you will start to move on. Get it out of your system.

Here, have some and and . Keep talking it out x

The problem here is you have no closure. What adult after 3 years can't even give you an explanation by text. He can't be all there, I'd be careful. He sounds a bit of a nutter to be honest. That isn't normal. Stay busy, brave face, it's going to hurt for a while but you've just got to keep moving with your life. Xx

Agree with Lila - he doesn't sound all there. 3 years and ghosting you. It's just really awful.

How are you today Op?

Another childfree weekend made with no contact. Feeling proud

Hurray! He sounds like a right fucking control freak.

Well yeah I think you can probably call him that. It's his birthday next week. Do you think he's going to be expecting a happy birthday from me. He knows I'm a decent person and would struggle not to

Well fine OP he sounds a complete tw*t

He doesn't deserve a happy birthday from you and it is much better for you to stay n.c. Remember that you still are a decent person and just as importantly, you have the self respect to only spend time and energy on decent people like you. Not dickheads who aren't worth it! Stay strong

Don't wish him a happy birthday! He does not exist. If you restart contact with him in any way you'll be back to square 1.

While you're not over him you are wasting so much time that you could be meeting someone worthy of you.

Not wishing him happy birthday
Will be an important milestone for
You. You can do this. If nothing else focus on how being away from this fucktard or a man will Be better for your Children - I know they are not around him but they will see the damage this is doing to you. Keep
Going!

Well done on being strong, now keep up that strength. Ignore his birthday, remember how he ignored you on yours, how he keeps you dangling, hoping for crumbs off his table. He revels in your neediness, he thinks he's in control.
Well honey, you are in control now, you don't need this manipulative abuse.
If he does contact you, tell him you've moved on and not to contact you anymore. You have more respect for yourself than to allow him to use you as a plaything, to be picked up and dropped when it suits him.
Block him

The very instant you contact him you'll be back to square one. Look how far you've come since the start of this thread. Forget him. You're not fat, old and your children are not baggage. Unless you want to be going through this when youre 80, you have to go through this break up sometime. Might as well be now. Then you're free to work on your self esteem for a bit, then find a wonderful man who will love you for who you are. And who will tell you you're beautiful instead of telling you you're ugly. And who you'll be able to introduce to your children as someone who will love them and be a good influence on them. You could have so much more as long as you stay strong. You've only got to do this for a very short while longer to break his spell them you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking. I've been there. He will never break it off with you because he wants you on the end of his puppet string forever.

In fact is after you don't contact him for his birthday that he will be back on touch with you and is them you need to be stronger than ever. Just a couple more weeks of this heartache and the whole sorry saga will be over. You can do a couple more weeks.

I know exactly what you mean about the birthday, though - if you're a person who is considerate and thoughtful about remembering birthdays, it feels like you're ´reducing yourself to his standards' if you don't mark his birthday. But sometimes, the 'not marking it' needs to be done to send a strong message to yourself that this is done, he is no-one to you - you don't mark strangers' birthdays, after all!

Didn't he ignore your birthday and ask you to leave him alone? I don't want to sound harsh but I don't think he's even thinking about you. He obviously doesn't care about you. He's not thinking "she will wish me a happy birthday". He obviously could give a sh?t what you do! You've done so well.

Op close the door on this relationship and don't look back!