No contact since New Year's Day. Struggling

[onmybroomstick]

Amazing Christmas together in his flat. Bought me watch, handbag, books, pjs, slippers, chocs, perfume, smellies. Spent Xmas night, Boxing Day night, the 28th and New Year's Eve together. Come home New Year's Day, not a peep since. I've had a birthday in this time, didn't even receive a happy birthday message. The day after my birthday I messaged like a crazed idiot telling him how hurt and upset I was, admittedly sent far too many messages but I lost my mind watching him read and ignore all my messages. Eventually I got one reply telling me to leave him alone, so I have. Now I am really missing him, no idea what I've done wrong. He has had form for this and did it the same time last year. I'm so confused and feel so rubbish about myself that he's treating me this way. Why wouldn't I deserve an explanation. We usually talk everyday several times. Think I'm writing here to stop me reaching out to him again, just to be rejected as I'm struggling to switch off tonight, he's taking over my head again. I wish I could just forget him yet with no answers I don't feel like I ever will..

Oh god! Poor you.

What an arsewipe. Good advice on here. You will get to the angry point soon and rightly so, then you will really be able to move forward.

Do not respond to him again. There's a lovely man waiting for a sexy size 10, 30 years young, caring woman but you won't find him whilst your still attached to that fuckwit. He's holding you back!

Here...have a and and keep talking on here...do not let him back in. X

Will this book download straight on to my iPhone do you know??

I am going to keep coming on here to talk I think it will really help. I feel a little bit stronger than ever before like I really do want this to be it and I want to be in control of it, does that make sense? My friends have told me he's no good but also have my back when I let him treat me this way. Kind of wish they'd toughen up on me about him. There is only maybe one that knows exactly how badly he has worn me down and changed me with his ways tho. The rest still believe I'm this strong confident take no shit woman I've always been. I'm far from it now this man has broken me. I can honestly say I have never begged a man or cried for a man like I have him. It makes me believe I really am in love with him and iv never had that. Do you ever get over someone you love that much? Can you love someone so much even tho they hurt you so much?

That's not love OP, it's emotional coercion. Manipulation of the mind to make you believe that's how you feel. It's a lie and no one wants to live a lie. It's miserable, makes you feel worthless and constantly second guessing yourself.

True love is out there and it doesn't feel like this x

It's agonising not to know why but it sounds like you had more than enough reasons to dump him anyway. Suggest you focus your thoughts on those and try not to worry about whatever self-justifying bullshit excuse he would come up with. Good luck.

This is just infatuation. If you stay no-contact with him for the next 2 weeks completely NC, don't even listen to his voicemails, or wear his old t-shirts then it'll really fade. 2 months and you'll be cured and wondering WTF you saw in him, I promise.

But every bit of contact resets the recovery calendar back to Day 1.

Do not go back to him.

Showering you with gifts. Reminds of a really unpleasant bf my dd had, gives me the creeps.

Saying you are ugly and fat and no-one would want you, totally yuck!

Ghosting you! Say no more.

Delete his number and block every means of contact that he might have, nobody deserves to be with a man like this.

He sounds horrendous, but it's not easy just to switch off your feelings and desires. I think you're being quite honest about how all this is making you feel. I hope you find the strength to move on.

Fuck this guy and fuck his presents. He's treating you like a doormat. You deserve so much better.

Did you get all of those things as Xmas presents from just one person? What did you get him? Was there any balance?

I know this word is bandied about far too often, but the present buying, the silent treatment, the love bombing, the chipping away at your self esteem, the telling you nobody else will want you - these are are classic behaviours of a narcissist. Look up narcissist, and if any of it looks familiar run for the hills. You cannot fix him and he cannot make you happy. If you haven't introduced him to your children in 3 years, either because he doesn't want to or you don't want to, it's a sure sign that something is wrong. Either way, there is no Rose covered cottage or happy ever after at the end of this adventure.

He's 'drilled into you' that no-one else will ever want you?

He's that nice is he?

How fucking dare he?

Find your anger, and find it quick

HOW FUCKING DARE HE?

Ask your girlfriends to toughen up. They don't want to be the ones who piss on your fireworks when you're all excited to be back together with this prick, but tell them explicitly now - I know this guy is no good for me, please when he slithers back into my life, keep reminding me of this fact.

Be honest with them about what he says - too fat at size 10? too old at 30? What the fuck is he on about? I can assure you, most of us reading this would kill to be a size 10 and 30 years old again, although not if it meant putting up with this tosspot.

Why are you so swayed by these material gifts when he's wrecking your soul at the same time? Did you learn to equate gifts with affection as a child? Because they really are not the same thing.

He's basically shat on two successive birthdays, hasn't he? This is clearly deliberate. Lovebombing over Christmas and then treating you like absolute shit on a day that is meant to be all about you.

I would box up all this meaningless tat that he's bought you, all of it. And put it back outside his front door, then block him.

He sounds like a complete dick. I know how you are feeling though, my ex was similar, made me feel like a princess buying me gifts and doing things for me but the relationship we had was shit, made me depressed, he controlled me and did what ever he wanted to do.

You need to not contact him and move on, it will take time but in the end you will feel so much better. You are young, you have a lot to offer, you are worth so much more.

I only mentioned the gifts at Xmas to show we were fine then, he doesn't do this all the time. Totally even yeah I bought him everything he wanted / needed. I know you're all right. The person he has turned in to is definitely not the person I fell for, he acted like someone completely different when we first got together. I cannot wait for the day to come when I don't think about him at all it's just a big change. I know I'm better off without it's just getting rid of them feelings. Thanks all

onmybroomstick read 2 threads on the relationship board called " is he being distant? Or am I over thinking?" That ones the first thread.

Very similar situations, a few if us have been on the threads since the poster posted it. I think it might help you with the no contact :)

Xx

he acted like someone completely different when we first got together.

And that's all it was, an act, this is the real him. You know the old saying 'fool me once....' He's now done it twice, don't let him do it a third time

He sounds awfully controlling and seems to enjoy the power game of knowing he only has to snap his fingers and you'll come running. Don't play his game, you will never win. He will only ever see you as a doormat. Go cold turkey - delete and block his number, delete and block him on social media. The irony is he'll only ever have any respect for you if you do find the strength to ignore him totally, which he may find intriguing. But at that point you will need to keep strong and continue to keep him out of your life permanently. While you are hung up on this game playing loser you won't be in a position to find someone who really loves and values you.

Pack up everything he's ever given you and send the shit back with a note saying fuck off and dont ever contact me again. Pull on your big girl pants and in the nicest way op, get a grip.

He wants you to feel like this. If he knew you were crying over him on a forum somewhere, he would be delighted, I can guarantee it. He wants you to feel that it's only him for you, that nobody else would ever want you (honestly? He's made you believe that - and for him to do that it means he's afraid that someone else will want you, and he doesn't want them to. He wants your misery all for himself).

He wants to control when he sees you and how you behave when he does. So he gives you presents (so you are nice to him). Then he ghosts you (so you are miserable). Then he gets back with you (so you are grateful and overcompensate by doing whatever he wants).

You are fine. You are great. You are woman, hear you roar! Now, have a cup of tea, wash your face, and pack up all those presents he gave you, take them to the Post Office and return them with a note saying 'I'm on to you, you cunt'. And never, ever speak of him again.

Urgh this man is so abusive.

You all speak so much sense it is helping. It's like you all know him so well! Everything is dependant on his mood. He is controlling and he's frazzled my mind. He's made me doubt everything about myself. I know I'm still here somewhere. I hate that he's made me doubt myself and turn me in to something I'm not. I'm going to have a good read of the links and threads this evening and stay strong

It's like you all know him so well!

because his behaviour is typical and a pattern that people from outside can easily spot

So in your words he's selfish stubborn controlling. And has clearly treated you like shit.

Woman up, maintain NC, seek to understand why you put up with shit treatment for so long, and adjust your twat radar!