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Relationships

Husbands not come home - not answering phone

267 replies

unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 10:05

Husband went out last night. Still not home. Not answering his phone or texts. Now what? Just wait and get increasingly stressed out/pissed off...?

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AnyFucker · 27/12/2016 12:42

There have been women involved at some point in this scenario. I would certainly be using that hypothesis to inform my next steps.

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LuluJakey1 · 27/12/2016 12:45

I think the friend's mum realised you are worried and just tried to reassure you.

He is an idiot doing this.

Go out with the kids, don't leave a message and don't answer your phone. See how he likes it. Stay out as long as possible. Try to have a nice time.

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unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 12:46

They're early 30's but friend has moved away so is back for xmas and staying with his family. He's a childhood friend so husband staying there is completely normal. I know it makes them sound like teenagers though.

The thing is I don't want to be 'that wife' that demands they wake him up and send him home as I can just imagine them all sat around laughing at me...

I can imagine husband made a big point of telling them that the wife doesn't ever let him out (which isn't true, he often goes out but in his head he doesn't) so he was making the most of it and fuck going home... And fuck texting me... And now he's in the shit, he may aswel just fucking stay out all day too...

And I'm sure when he does get back, he'll conveniently have been so wasted that he doesn't remember where he went last night or what he did or how he got back to friends.. Hmm

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AnyFucker · 27/12/2016 12:50

So why tolerate it ?

You know he has no respect for you

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TheCakes · 27/12/2016 12:54

OP this was me 10 years ago. I also had anxiety when people weren't where they said they were or didn't come home from bad experiences too. My ex did this once too often and I picked up my kids and left. It wasn't easy, not by any stretch, but it's almost a decade to the week that I started over.
I'm married now and my husband has a decent enough social life. I'll ask him roughly when I can expect him home, he'll tell me and if it's going to be any different he lets me know. If he's going out of town he'll book a hotel in advance and let me know where he's staying.
My ex would have had me think I was a controlling partner for expecting that of him. It's not. It's basic respect.
Ultimately it's your call. I'd never tell anyone to LTB from a snapshot online, so just offering moral support really Cake

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unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 13:00

The cakes - I'm glad your husband understands. And sorry your ex didn't.

The worst thing is when we first met, I was the most laid back person going... Then things happened and that changed. So he's known me at both stages so I thought he would understand I'm not doing on purpose or to try and control him

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ChuckSnowballs · 27/12/2016 13:05

I would have texted back. 'Strange thing to say - sounds like a cover story - can you take a photo and send it. Ta'.

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Benedikte2 · 27/12/2016 13:16

OP imho you are being very sensible in biding your time to separate. Have your ducks in a row, finances sorted and legal advice before he realises your intentions.
You certainly deserve much better and so do your DC.
Good luck

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VQ1970 · 27/12/2016 13:17

My opinion for what it's worth - it sounds like he hasn't seen his mate for a while (if he doesn't live in the area) they've gone out and got bladdered, back to his mates mum's house, where's he currently staying for holidays to carry on drinking, talking etc because in his drunken state that seemed like a good idea. He's fallen asleep on the sofa because he's too drunk to do anything else. The mum knows you will be worried that he might be out with another woman so has made the comment about no women to reassure you.

I'm not excusing his behaviour, he's still being a prick.

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thewooster · 27/12/2016 13:18

Don't you deserve better than this OP? Reading the whole thread I think the mate's mum was probably trying to put your mind at ease as he has told her how demanding/insecure/nagging etc you are and he's under the thumb.

I wouldn't stand for it. If he wants to act like a single guy, then let him.

I'd make plans to leave but in the meantime give him a taste of his own medicine and go out all night.

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rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2016 13:20

Has he still not returned or at least sent you a text personally???
I'd be telling him to stay the fuck away now while you think things through.
Arsehole. Angry

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unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 13:25

Rainbow - nope still not a thing from him.

To be honest, I just want him to come home so he can take the kids off me and I can go and lie down but it doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon

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myoriginal3 · 27/12/2016 13:33

I'd say the other mum told him to lie down before he fell down as he was bladdered. SHE knows he's safe and not with another woman.
HE could just pick up the phone though, the fecking eejit.

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Mynestisfullofempty · 27/12/2016 13:38

It wouldn't be at all unreasonable to phone back and ask to speak to him. After all, it's twenty to two in the afternoon now.

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WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2016 13:39

"The thing is I don't want to be 'that wife' that demands they wake him up and send him home as I can just imagine them all sat around laughing at me... "
They wouldn't be laughing at you. They'd feel embarrassed at themselves for being thoughtlessly party to his fuckery, and think he's a poor specimen for messing his wife about.

Personally, I'd be 'that wife' that told them not to wake him up, but to get the spare room ready because he's going to be staying with them now ... Angry

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itsmine · 27/12/2016 13:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HecAteAllTheXmasPud · 27/12/2016 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittybiscuits · 27/12/2016 14:52

I would never let him back in.

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Wonkydonkey44 · 27/12/2016 14:59

I think he's exactly where the text says he is , on a sofa on his own.
However that doesn't excuse the fact he's a knob who stayed out all night and ignored texts calls to check he was ok.
Hope your ok op xx

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ThePinkOcelot · 27/12/2016 15:02

What a bastard. Sorry OP, that you are being treated in this way.

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unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 15:10

It's just getting a bit ridiculous now...it's ten past 3... I first text him at 7... If I give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he was asleep and not just intentionally ignoring me, that would mean he's had over 8 hours sleep... Surely he would be awake by now as he's in a living room
That other people would be using Confused

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Miserylovescompany2 · 27/12/2016 15:21

You'd of assumed so? Either he's out for the count or avoiding you like the plague? His behaviour is beyond unacceptable. He knows you have anxiety, he even stated that he was going to try harder...yet, his actions have been the complete opposite, unless by try, he meant try your patience?

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rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2016 15:25

This is now totally unforgivable in my book. Totally. He couldn't give a flying shit.

Staying out all night without a text would have my blood boiling. Not being back by mid-afternoon without so much as a fricking text or phone call would have me absolutely crazy raging!!!!

What the fuck is he playing at???!!!!!
OP, please message him and tell him to fuck off and then fuck off some more. I'm fuming on your behalf! Angry

Forgive me but how many DC do you have/how old are they. Irrelevant I know but he's got bloody commitments ffs!!!!

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Mynestisfullofempty · 27/12/2016 15:25

Why not ring the friend again and ask to speak to him as he's not replying to texts?

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PurpleDaisies · 27/12/2016 15:27

I agree with mynest. Phone the friend and ask tell them you need to talk to him.

What an arsehole.

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