Husbands not come home - not answering phone

[unicornpoopoop]

Husband went out last night. Still not home. Not answering his phone or texts. Now what? Just wait and get increasingly stressed out/pissed off...?

[MagicChicken]

I agree South

Just horrible. What a selfish, arrogant self absorbed arse. And what a great father.

[WhatLizzyDid]

How are things today unicorn ? Hope you have had a good night's rest.

[rainbowstardrops]

I hope you've prodded the selfish dick with a sharp stick this morning and told him to fuck the fuck off?

[Pollyanna9]

OP is right. She needs to play it cool, sort herself out with work and any other stuff that she needs to get sorted before she goes her separate way from this pillock.

I had a DP who was on the coke. If they want to give it up they'll do it all on their own - he never did. He's properly throwing his toys out the pram because he's been called on acting irresponsibly and without any thought for anyone else and so is blame-shifting to OP.

But OP is entirely correct in the need to line up all of the ducks before she does anything in haste.

Whether he was on drugs, drink only or both - his behaviour was appalling, but in respect of the drugs, having him around the children when he's coming down from a coke binge (if that's what it was) is nothing something OP will want to repeat.

I think everyone is entitled to have a blowout a couple of times a year (for me that doesn't involve drugs) but you know, if I was going out I'd say right, I'll do you a final text at 11pm and you won't hear from me after that but I am sticking with my friends, we are all getting a taxi together at the end of the night to XXs house and I'l be sleeping there and will ring you in the morning. I wouldn't just disappear off for nearly an entire day and then be a twat about it when I got back in.

He does sound like a petulant child.

[peanut2017]

Agree with Pollyanna you can't just kick him out now, there is more to think about to put in place for you and the kids before you make this decision. Plan it out what you need to do, the job like you mentioned etc and who can support you.

[WetsTheFinger]

She won't leave him

[myoriginal3]

Is it any skin off your nose if she doesn't?

[unicornpoopoop]

Thanks everyone for your support.

I get that a lot of you think I should kick him straight out and be done with it but unfortunately it's not as easy as that for me.

I always make sure I've organised everything before making a big change. I owe it to my kids to ensure I can afford it.

We're not a high income anyway so child maintenance would do little to help. I need a job... And a plan...

I've spend some time with friends today which was nice and for now I'm going to emotionally detach myself until the time is right

[clementineorange]

OP, ignore posters telling you what to do. They don't know your DH or you, only this snapshot. I hope you are able to do what is right and best for you and your family

[Pollyanna9]

Good for you Unicorn - you'll get there. One step at a time and slowly slowly catchy monkey.

Get your ducks in a row and then leave on your terms when you've got it all sorted out.

[Chelazla]

I agree I wonder how many ppl screaming chuck him out immediately would follow their own advice? Apart from the financial side it's your kids father and always hard good luck op

[Sugarpiehoneyeye]

Unicorn, you sound wised up, get your ducks in a row, and away you go.
You and your DC, deserve so much more.
I've worn the shoes that you are now wearing. You are doing the right thing.

[AnyFucker]

Screaming ? Nobody is "screaming". How reactionary.

[Pollyanna9]

Nope, no screaming.

Just a lot of sensible posts confirming that getting out is going to be the right course of action, and that it would be best for her to take some time (but not too much!!) getting a little bit organised before she does so.

[SouthPole]

Good luck OP.

Be brace and strong and savvy about your next move.

Remember you are in the right here. You are the bigger and better person and the better partner and parent.

[bumpertobumper]

If you are planning on leaving him just because of this, it is a massive life change to make on this, yes bad mistake he has made, but really worth leaving your relationship over...?
It all depends on the rest of your relationship. How is he the rest of the time? I have read most of the thread, but admittedly not all so sorry if I have missed something.

A lot of you would tell me to Ltb...
My DP has an issue with drinks, finds it hard to stop once he starts, it has led to big binge nights out with coccaine.
He doesn't make it home probably about twice a year, it used to be a bit more. Like yours, ends up at a mates house, too far gone to be able to face coming home and crash out on the sofa, or asleep on the night bus was a fave ( uber is brilliant for avoiding this eventuality).
He knows he has a problem with binging, has been to aa, counselling, therapy, is fine most of the time, then there will be another episode.

I am furious, he is guilty, apologetic, full of self loathing etc. And then we work through it. He makes an effort and is getting better...

However, I don't Ltb, because the rest of the time he is a wonderful supportive loving partner, a brilliant dad, works hard, does his fair share around the house, is devoted to me and our family.

I didn't read the full thread because the judgmental people saying you should leave him based on this one episode alone annoyed me, yes it is shitty behaviour, not ok, but there is a lot more to a life together.

If this is another thing on a list of things wrong with your relationship then by all means take stock and get out if that is the right thing to do.
If it is just this one bad night I suggest you have a think and take the mn ltb chorus with a pinch of salt...
Obviously I am biased, having chosen to stay in a relationship where this is a recurring thing, but it works for us.
Good luck op

[Pollyanna9]

I think there's a bit more to it than just this incident.

However, if OP doesn't want to be with someone who coke binges a couple of times a year, she doesn't have to be (as you've said).

I would say to OP if the rest of the relationship were so good that she wanted to work on this with him she could be waving goodbye to a good few years of her life as he goes off it, back on it, off it, back on it. I lost 5 yrs of my life with someone on this merry dance so it's a course of action to be incredibly cautious about. He certainly doesn't seem to have any remorse this fella so I can't imagine that working anyway.

Bumper I don't think you said if you have DC or not... OP does and all I can say is that in terms of social services, they see it in black and white - you keep a drug user in your house they would not be positive about it if they were ever involved.

You go out leaving your children in that person's care. You know they use cocaine. YOU know they're ok at the moment, not using etc. Do you know what they will describe that as "Left their children in the care of a known drug user". That's how inflexibly they view it and rightly so. For the sake of the DC for the use of drugs alone, she does need to ditch this man. Drug users tend to drag everyone else down with them - at some point and you never know when the use will increase and create an intolerable home life for all concerned.