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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husbands not come home - not answering phone

267 replies

unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 10:05

Husband went out last night. Still not home. Not answering his phone or texts. Now what? Just wait and get increasingly stressed out/pissed off...?

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 27/12/2016 22:08

He's just having a little nap before he leaves his family then ?

Wake him up and tell him to get to fuck already

AlabasterSnowball · 27/12/2016 22:15

I think it's he OW who's been pouring that poison in his ear Unicorn

AngryVagina · 27/12/2016 22:18

I'm glad I was able to make you smile Grin

How is ha able to sleep more if he slept until 3pm?! Even hungover I don't think I couldn't do this much sleeping in a day. I sincerely hope that the friend's mum wasn't covering knowingly, if she was indeed telling you lies...that would be awful of her.

WannaBe · 27/12/2016 22:23

Years ago I knew someone who facilitated a friend's affair by picking her up for nights out and dropping her home the next day.

Actually me and DP were talking about this earlier, and about the fact that when someone has an affair there seems to be numerous friends etc who are happy to go along with it. I wouldn't take the fact he was picked up to mean anything. And agree with AF, I'd be waking him up and telling him that given he's leaving he can go now.

rainbowstardrops · 27/12/2016 22:24

He's fallen asleep after being asleep until the afternoon on someone's sofa????? Pull the other one sunshine!

He's feeding you a crock of shit. Don't believe it for a second.

Fucking, pissing, selfish wanker Angry

Thingscanonlygetbetter41 · 27/12/2016 22:33

Does he use cocaine?

Original poster
unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 22:40

Things - I have a feeling he was taking drugs. Not sure which ones though.

This annoys me too as he used to years ago before we had responsibilities which I was fine with sometimes.

But now we're grown ups with a family I just don't find it appropriate - he wouldn't admit it to me though even if i asked.

He very rarely goes for a proper night out though so it's not like he's on drugs all the time.

I honestly think he's feeling left out after being with his friends who are all single without responsibilities, and he had a taste of being young again. And he liked it...

OP posts:
EweAreHere · 27/12/2016 22:41

Wow.

What a piece of work.

Good luck, OP.

peanut2017 · 27/12/2016 22:43

I thought he was leaving? What a dick! You are controlling & yet when you do trust him to go out, he doesn't come home & he's a husband & father?

Bluntness100 · 27/12/2016 22:47

He very rarely goes for a proper night out though so it's not like he's on drugs all the time.

Original poster
unicornpoopoop · 27/12/2016 22:48

Bluntness - I wasn't saying it was ok. Was just trying to paint an accurate picture

OP posts:
Thingscanonlygetbetter41 · 27/12/2016 22:55

His behaviour sounds pretty typical of a cocaine user to me! Things will be much better for all of you without him in your life, what does he bring to your life? There are plenty of people out there who would treat you with respect and bring something positive to your life,he doesn't and it doesn't sound like it will suddenly appear. What if you'd been taken ill or one of the children and he's awol to busy powdering his nose/ having a laugh to have the decency to let you know his plans.

ohtheholidays · 27/12/2016 23:03

Is he still asleep now?

You didn't get to have a rest then?

If your DC are in bed asleep now I'd go to bed and try and get as good a nights sleep as you can and then tomorrow think about what your going to do and if you can and you want to reach out to your friends and family and tell them whats been going on,you can tell them not to repeat to anyone what you've said because you don't want him being pre warned.

If you want to do this you can and you will cope and things will get better!

I was a single Mum and honestly it was the best decision I ever made.My ex was one of the biggest arseholes you could ever meet!
I left him and concentrated on my DC,myself and my friendships and my life and my DC lifes became so much happier and so much more stable.

I went onto get married again and my DH is the complete opposite of my ex husband,my DH acts like a real Husband and Father should,leaving my ex husband was the best decision I ever made,if I hadn't I wouldn't be where I am today.

nottinghamgal · 27/12/2016 23:09

He's emotionally manipulating you to make YOU feel guilty. It worked on me when I was younger and felt bad when my bf stayed out all night. I would end up saying sorry to him for embarrassing him in front of his friends Hmm he cheated on me near the end. I had become a walk over.

Not like that anymore. Of course my partner is free to go out but we respect each other and would never do this.

This is emotional abuse and you need to stand your ground.

WetsTheFinger · 27/12/2016 23:22

It was so obvious from the start that the OP had no intention of actually leaving this idiot. Why is that op? Are you scared of being single? Or scared of being a lone parent. I can understand both fears, by the way, I'm not judging. It's just a shame that you feel stuck there.

PickAChew · 27/12/2016 23:38

Have everything packed for the shithead, so he can leave at sparrow's fart, tomorrow.

It'll be the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

RebelRogue · 27/12/2016 23:49

A friend of OH has form for this. It's been happening for years,but with less frequency recently. However..they're in their 50's now. 30 years on and on a random night he still won't come home,he still won't let the wife know,she still panics and worries and calls the police. 30 fucking years of this...just think about that.

Frankelly66 · 27/12/2016 23:56

Hi unicorn, how's things going now? I know it's so easy for everyone to say leave him but with two young children it really isn't that easy. My boyfriend is pretty immature and still loves his almost daily drinking but I know where he is and who he is with and he's usually home by 7pm (we don't have kids) but I think difference is, all of that is his choices. He comes home at that time because he wants to, not because he's been told to and I'm willing to accept it as long as he's not wasted as he's so good to me in other ways. That's his only 'downfall' in my opinion.

I think your boyfriend was deliberately being difficult, I think he is probably retaliating against his family life. Lots of men find it difficult and the responsibilities difficult. i think you need to look into this side of things to find your answers. Perhaps each week you could alternate , one has the kids and the other goes out? But not a repeat of last night of course.

(He is still a massive thunder cunt tho as I saw someone post lol I'm just trying to be more realistic here) xxx

riceuten · 28/12/2016 00:46

Stop trying to blame yourself here ! He is the one at fault here.

cloudchasing · 28/12/2016 01:07

This has drugs binge written all over it. I don't believe he was asleep all that time today, I think they had a little after party, personally.

Normally I don't advocate the LTB thing unless there's really good reason, but this is one.

Utterly selfish and would rather walk out on his family than admit he was wrong. But obviously he needed a good night's sleep before he fucks off Hmm

Bin him off. Nothing but more of the same ahead otherwise.

MsPavlichenko · 28/12/2016 01:48

The first time my XH pulled the all nighter I was pregnant with my DS, who is now 25. He continued with it. I don't think it was AW just selfish drunkenness.

I went from anxiety to not giving a fuck. Anxious about leaving as my DS is severely disabled. As I anticipated XH was a prick, controlling and abusive and stopping financial support. But, best thing I ever did leaving him , was all better almost immediately, and ten years on happier than could have imagined. Don't be a mug, get your life back,

Daisyfrumps · 28/12/2016 01:48

It was so obvious from the start that the OP had no intention of actually leaving this idiot. Why is that op?

She wants to find a new job first:

My main problem is that I was on maternity leave and 2 months ago gave my notice in so I could stay at home with baby for a while longer. I need to find a new job before I do anything rash.

MagicChicken · 28/12/2016 04:23

He wanted to go out on Christmas Eve, with a five year old at home? Shock
Some Christmas morning that would have been.Hmm

laurenandsophie · 28/12/2016 04:51

OP, my sympathies.
Sounds like an ex of mine. Wasted too many years going through this exact same scenario - he was usually drug-affected as well as drunk. Thankfully we had no children.
I hope you find a job and IRL support soon and can make plans for yourself and your DCs. Flowers

SouthPole · 28/12/2016 08:08

This has coke binge written all over it OP.

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