My brother who I don't speak to had a heart attack and is in hospital. Do I go to see him?

[PicnicBunny]

I left home when I was 16. My Mother and Brother and family were pretty strict religious and traditional family. I was not a bad kid, got straight As and planned to go to Uni. Being muslim, this was going to be a no no... I left when my brother who was 10 years older than me beat me up many times, and finally till I was unconscious. I left home. Went through university, got my life together and 22 years later... here it is. My cousin told me he is in hospital, and I have no idea what to do. Family... has he changed... when we were much younger, there were times before the fights when I adored him as an older brother. hmmm have been thinking about this all day. I found out this morning. To make matters worse, my husband is having a go at me to go and see him.

It's your decision, you sound like an amazingly strong woman and I have nothing but respect for you.
I didn't go and see my father when he was dying ( or go to the funeral) and despite pressure from other family members saying that I would regret it I never have.

It's up to you OP

Picnicbunny whether you regret a decision you made in good faith is not the same, to me, as being forced to attend a man's bedside, who might have killed you, because others expect it.

Do as you wish, not because you are selfish, he was incredibly selfish, but because you can self determine.

Please also seek some counselling, ask you GP but also try any Asian Women's centre. If it is not local to you they may still have links to other organisations, as might women's aid.

All the best.

Picnic I'm so, so sorry for what you've been through.

Fwiw you sound amazing. Completely amazing. Even by MN standards of strong (let's face it, there are some pretty incredible people on here) you're right up there.

I can only begin to imagine how awful it has been. But do you know what? Your kids are the luckiest little ones to have such a strong and positive role model. The shit that you went through stops with you- the next generation is safe.

Re your dh - can I suggest that he doesn't get it because he hasn't been through it? His understanding is limited to say the least (I still think he's wrong to push it though- this is your decision and your decision only).

Just want you to know I'm still thinking of you

You are an incredibly brave lady picnic xx

Wow lady keep thinking. Don't give up on counciling just and find a councillor that understands your history.

This man has taken your famliy from you and your children. You owe him nothing . He could have mades admends years ago when he let his daughters go . He did not . He has chosen to keep this going not you .
Take care of yourself .