My brother who I don't speak to had a heart attack and is in hospital. Do I go to see him?

[PicnicBunny]

I left home when I was 16. My Mother and Brother and family were pretty strict religious and traditional family. I was not a bad kid, got straight As and planned to go to Uni. Being muslim, this was going to be a no no... I left when my brother who was 10 years older than me beat me up many times, and finally till I was unconscious. I left home. Went through university, got my life together and 22 years later... here it is. My cousin told me he is in hospital, and I have no idea what to do. Family... has he changed... when we were much younger, there were times before the fights when I adored him as an older brother. hmmm have been thinking about this all day. I found out this morning. To make matters worse, my husband is having a go at me to go and see him.

I wouldn't.
He beat you up? Fuck that.

Nope. Fuck him.

No, I wouldn't ...... why go? This man beat you into unconsciousness! Why on earth do people think you should see him because he is unwell

Nope.

No

No

Nope
I am nc with my brother. I totally adored him too when I was younger and didn't know any better.
Don't go and your husband should be supporting you

Not in a million years would I go.

Do you want to go and see him? Would you regret not going if the worst happened?

Go if you want to. Not if your family think you should go.

No. His being ill doesn't change the fact that he could have killed you. What do you imagine you would say to each other?

No. His views about you are unlikely to have changed.

Why we going to university a no no for you as a Muslim? All my friends gate uni were Muslim women.

And no, don't see him.

I'm going against the grain here and would say go. Go and see him in a vulnerable state.
If he passes you will never regret not going.

It's terrible what he did to you it really is but for own peace of mind I would want to see him to say goodbye, give him a chance to apologise.

But I would understand completely why you wouldn't though. A terrible predicament, I feel for you

Why is your husband pressurising you to go? Surely he should be supporting you whatever you decide

NO

You've already been bullied by your family. You escaped, built a life (bloody well done). - don't let them bully you again!

Nope

Ok, You are right. My husband had me confused. He thinks my brother tried to apologise a few times over the years, but I am too 'stubborn'. You are echoing how I feel in my heart. To be honest, it has been so long, I hardly even know who he is now.

It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Do YOU want to go and see him? (Him as you know him, not the brother you wish you had.)

Also, is he actually on his deathbed or not?
What happens if you go and see him, he's still an abusive arse to you and then he doesn't die?

Took ages and was blunt, sorry.

Sounds like you're secure in the decision you made many years ago.

Good luck with everything.

Follow your heart.

He beat you until you were unconscious. I can't imagine what what would take and how a brother could do that to his younger sister.

Don't go and see him. You don't owe him anything and your husband shouldn't want to expose you to that. If he's a loving husband, I can only think that he doesn't want you to have any regrets .

I would say no.

Unless you feel that going would give you a level of closure?

Btw - they didn't not want you to go to uni bcos they were Muslim (even tho I'm sure they said that). They were just utter utter c*nts who used a religion as an excuse to beat you and control you.

I agree with Chou, OP, if you think it will give you some peace of mind.