What do they bring to the table?

[1DAD2KIDS]

So moving on from my impending divorce I am very much challenging my once fairly tail view of love and relationships and exploring new ideas. So I am locking my heart away in a little box for a bit and trying to let my brain help me work out the future in stead.

So sould we consider when finding a future long term relationship/marriage what people bring to the table in terms of earnings, liability and capital? I will just add at this point what I may say is a bit controversial and is a thought experiment of my mine not necessarily my opinion.

So a bit of background. I was young and had a good career and feel in love with a School drop out with no qualifications. We fell in love and I married her. All the years she was in and out of jobs. She could be because I could always support her. She never showed much intrest in providing for her self or making a career for her self. She was quite happy for someone to provide for her. So I always worked my nuts of to earn even more and provide a future reflecting this lack of contribution. Not a problem we were married and would l be together for ever. But then it went wrong and then I realised the things I have worked hard for were in jeapody.

Made me think. I used to think all you need is love but now I think you listen to your brain too. Looking on OLD many profiles allude (overtly or not) looking for a man in work with a decent job. Often on dates I get the very early questions trying to suss out what I do for work and the quality of my life style. Now apologies for the next bit as it may sound like I am being a dick. But often these people I have dated earn a fair bit less, have liabbilities such as kids (I know it sounds cold but in terms of finance) and big debts and/or have little capital such as owning a property. Just to put into context I am 33 and the people I generally date are my age or older. So if women are interested in a man's standing and financial position then why should a man be interested in a woman's standing and financial? If I look at relationships from this angle should we get in a long term relationship/marriage with anyone who does not bring to the table and simular offering than us?

And I haven't been brought up for motherhood, I was very much a tomboy, was never bought dolls as I was never interested, I was actively encouraged not to have children. My niece is 9 and is never bought dolls, she likes computer games, reading and loves lego. My DD is 2.5 and has never shown an interest in dolls, she loves trains, planes, football, lego and role play games. Conversely, one of my friends sons loves dolls and his play kitchen.

We can't tarr everyone with the same brush and expectations. Reality is a lot different in western society than what the stereotypes like to suggest, in my opinion anyway.

Ellisandra I don't disagree with that. The world is geared up that way. Some toys are gendered, some more neutral. Likewise I would say that the world sees a doll as a girls toy. You just have to look in Toy r us to see the toy apartheid. I do live in the real world too. But you were asking specifically about my son and daughter? So I told you what they were up to and like to play. So yes your question was a about one boy.

To a certain extent we could never truly know anything if it weren't for x,y & z. But what I was saying is that people do know certain things deep down that are fixed.

But what I was saying is that people do know certain things deep down that are fixed
no they dont, the nature nurture debate has raged for millennia and we are no closer to consensus

what do you believe to be 'fixed'?

if humans have a defining feature it is surely plasticity....the ability to endlessly adapt and innovate

offside who doesn't love Lego and play kitchens? Personally I think of play kitchens as a more gender natural toy. But other thing different. Especially the makers of pink princess cup cake type toy kitchens. I loved playing with toy kitchens and so does my boy at his tots group. Plus he loves making a nice cup of tea with the tea set. Never really realised why tea sets are seen as girls toys. If I was gender stereotyping it should be a boys toy; every man should know how to brew a proper pot of tea.

Lego of course is the best toy EVER. Half of the Lego my dd plays with is mine from my mums attic and some of it is my big brothers of late 70 - early 80s vintage

Formerpigwrestler9 somethings we can argue or try an figure out their origin or the reasons behind them but that doesn't make them any less real to that person. For some there are certain feelings that are core to them. For example for most their sexuality is very fixed within them and for what ever reason nature or nurture or the debate about is sexuality its self a construct to them that is something very real and core to their being. They know what they want.