Post separation xmas survival thread?

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

First Christmas separated, my ex is being very lovely (better than him being horrible I know) and every time I see him or talk to him to sort out dc presents etc I still go through doubts about having left. My brain is starting to function better and catches up fairly fast these days to remind me of the shit!

Therapy is helping with a lot.
I'm currently looking for motivational/pull yourself together/move on type things to read or listen to, to survive the holidays and not make any stupid decisions.

Anyway, does anybody want a space to vent or just fill time on some of the lonelier days? I'm feeling quite good at the moment but I'm often up and down.

tartan Your words have helped me a lot. You right that minimal contact with ILs is best. Fortunately for me ILs do knkw what ex has done. But they have chosen to ignore it. They don't like or agree with it but are letting him get on with it. I never expected them to cut all ties with him but they have made it a bit too easy with his choice and actively helped him move on which has stung for me.

Sorry to hear your feeling lonely too motheroreily

It's an old cliché I hate but time is a healer.
I'm finding that. Even the children being away hurts but is mostly bearable unlike at first.

My worry is whether it gets better to the point of being happy again.

Someone I know separated around the same time and has been dating. I cannot imagine ever being with anyone else. I still think about ex all the time.

I'm thinking of seeing the star wars film later.

Currently out having a cuppa after 36 straight hours in bed!

Anyone else found a way to pass their day?

Is there a magic pill I can take??

I honestly have never felt so suicidal in my life, I'm just trying to sleep as I feel much better when asleep.

Time was healing, it had been 5 weeks and now I feel like it's the second day again.

I'm still in bed! Been awake for an hour but having a lazy morning. Will get up in a bit and have a shower. Not sure what I will do later yet. Sometimes it's just nice not to have plans!
Know what you mean about dating. I feel like I miss my ex too much to be moving on yet. Worried I would be doing it for the wrong reasons (rebounding) & not sure if I am ready. Also feel I shouldn't be missing ex since he has been so awful to me and that gets me down too.
Missing DC terribly. It is easier than when they first went away but this will be the longest they have been away from me with him.

wynter I really feel for you. You are too early in the process of it all so everything feels so raw. Worse that it happened so close to Christmas, when everyone is happy and surrounded by happy families (or so it seems!).
It does get easier and these crap days will become fewer (although still there). Please talk to someone - have you some RL friends who you could phone. Have a good cry. Don't know your back story but you spoken to GP, maybe you need some ADs?

I've got so much RL support, all my family & a few friends.

I went to the doctors after it all happened and had my AD's put up to 100mg.

I have nothing left, no fight, I no longer want to be here anymore. There is absolutely no hope left for me.
The best thing for both me & my baby is for me to just end it all.

Oh Wynter, you are only five weeks in and as Splishing says it is very very early in the process. At five weeks in, I was still in shock and confused and numb. There was a nightmarish quality to it all - truly awful.

I found that the ladies on here helped me enormously; I don't think I'd have got this far without them. I also relied hugely on friends and workmates. I didn't bottle anything up, but just let it all out to anybody who would listen, including the dentist's receptionist and the plumber! Without fail, everybody was full of support and sympathy and, strangely enough, everybody knew of somebody who had been in the same situation.

I found it helped to talk and talk and talk about it - in fact I still need to do this. It is part of the healing process and although well-meaning people might try to "distract" you or move you away from it, that is actually quite counter-productive. Everything needs to come out and it takes as long as it takes. I have a lovely counsellor who I see once a fortnight and it is good to vent. I am nearly 11 months down the line and am at a stage where I still need to talk about it, but feel that it is a bit much to keep landing on friends the way I used to.

I also found after a while that ADs helped. I resisted the idea at first but then went along to my GP. It took a few weeks for them to kick in, but I find it does help the emotional pain and that awful out of control and panicky feeling.

It is normal to feel a huge range of emotions and I too have felt suicidal at times. It seems as if you take one step forwards and then a hundred back. Please, please talk to friends or on here. People want to help and one of my friends said that she couldn't bear the thought that I might sit and suffer in silence rather than risk pestering her. Crying helps too.

Much love to you. xxx

Oh wynter your post has brought a tear to my eye. I remember that feeling so well. It will pass. Believe me the anger will kick in and you'll realise you are much stronger than you realise.
Definitely don't bottle it in. I like tartan have been telling everyone including strangers. I found myself telling the lady at the bank last week who turns out had been through it herself. Or the lady on the till at Morrisons whose daughter was going through it. You realise you are not alone and that others go through it too. I have said before that I am convinced there is a school somewhere that teaches men how to do this!!
The ADs take at least 6 weeks to fully kick in. So please give them a chance to work. Please remember that the best thing for your baby is to be there for him/her and show how strong and great a person you are. I am sure in years to come they will look back at how you dealt with all of this with great admiration.

I keep trying to tell myself that it will all pass eventually and one day I will be happy again, then I remember all the hurt & it hits me all over again.

I'm petrified all this has affected my baby mentally & he'll be born depressed & hate me for having him.

This was supposed to be the happiest time in my life, the greatest journey & my ex made sure he stomped all over it.

I just want to go to sleep & not wake up

How are you getting on wynter ?

Thank you for thinking of me....that means a lot to me right now.

I had the obstetrician refer me to the mental health nurse who deals primarily with pregnant women, I am meeting her next year not that I even know when (head all over the place).

I am seeing my support worker
Hopefully a counsellor & also my therapist for CBT.
My mental health nurse has referred me to a couple of organisations & so has my support worker.

I'm getting tonnes of support from my family, yet still feel terribly alone and at a loss in life.

I'd give both my legs for happiness right now

Checking in! I hope everyone has had a better day. I don't know if anyone else feels the same but now the 'main event' is over I've relaxed a bit and just trying to stay sane before building up to the emotions of a new year!

Wynter I don't know if this helps but I had terrible depression and anxiety with DD1 and she is quite literally the happiest child I've ever met! So your mental state won't affect the baby, try not to worry. I'm waiting to see a MH ante natal specialist too so will share any useful advice I get.

Ended up going to my sisters tonight as was practically crying into my pillow.

By the time I left at midnight, I was feeling positive that I can overcome this. It's just the mornings I feel I battle most, it seems until my tablets kick in, I'm an emotional wreck....could it help if I took my tablets at bedtime rather than when I wake up??

I'm with you on that one, my heart goes every time I think of this weekend, I am dreading it.

That would be great! Any advice is welcome!

[[http://100happydays.com ]]

I'm going to do this. Anyone in?

Glad you went to your sister's Wynter. Re your tablets, I'd ask the dr about changing the time. They might fuck up your sleep, which is Not Good.

I'm in Boundaries!

Yay!

I'm in too boundaries!

why don't you start a 100happydays thread?

Does he say on the website how you do it? I think I need some tips!

When shall we start? Today or the 1 Jan? (I'm making an effort from today actually - been miserable all over Christmas, but had enough now).

Oops I've name changed but I'm on this thread (Mary).

Good idea Judith. Or Mary or whoever you are

I've registered for the 1st Jan. But have actually taken a photo today

Start a 104 happy days thread and we'll start today!!

I wish people would stop asking me if I had a good Christmas. No I bloody didn't. Although I lie and say it was fine.

I'm not back at work till Monday, but expecting all those questions. Do anything nice? Get lots of presents?

100 happy days looks good. Will think about it tomorrow. Am in a lot of physical pain today and will just be happy to go home to a couple of codeine. Don't think that's a good photo.

Faff I was back at work yesterday, no respite for me.