Post separation xmas survival thread?

[Bitlessbahhumbug]

First Christmas separated, my ex is being very lovely (better than him being horrible I know) and every time I see him or talk to him to sort out dc presents etc I still go through doubts about having left. My brain is starting to function better and catches up fairly fast these days to remind me of the shit!

Therapy is helping with a lot.
I'm currently looking for motivational/pull yourself together/move on type things to read or listen to, to survive the holidays and not make any stupid decisions.

Anyway, does anybody want a space to vent or just fill time on some of the lonelier days? I'm feeling quite good at the moment but I'm often up and down.

Hi Wynter, im so sorry for the pain youre going through, ive read your threads and know this is a very hard time for you. Just think when your little one arrives that you will have joy there and perhaps it will heal your pain.
Hi GoldenOrb, i also have an extremely difficult relationship with my mother and though i dont hold bad feelings towards her i think life is much less painful when we are apart.
BitlessBahumbug well boxing day and the day after are meant to be sunny bright days both days, so a nice long walk along the seafront will be a perfect pasttime and stopping somewhere along the way for coffee and cake should cheer the spirits. Thats what im planning to do!! (The coast is a two hour drive for me but that will be part of the fun)
Heres to us Single Ladies surviving - no, THRIVING at christmas, when alone!! xxx

Thank you, I wish I could shake myself & tell myself to get over it all & just enjoy my life but I do stupid things like search Facebook & see pictures & I'm back to the crying mess I was 5 weeks ago!
I'm trying to be positive for xmas but il be honest, id rather just go to sleep & wake in January, I will be seeing family purely because I cannot bear to be alone.
The only thing that keeps me going each day is my baby, without him, il be honest.....I wouldn't be here!
It's nice to come on here & be able to speak with others about it all though.

From the bottom of my heart, I am sincerely sorry that you are all going through this heartbreak....it's sad that the one thing we all have in common is this, however, you all sound so very strong and that is what helps me, knowing that I can get there & feel better and more positive.

Thank you all for being there, I'd have no one else otherwise & probably go insane!

I'm joining in too, my first Christmas since he moved out, last year we were pretending for the kids and it was miserable. This year is so much better, I have always done everything anyway but doing it my own timescale was just bliss. I have all the presents wrapped, house cleaned and just the vegetables to do, in previous years I would be running around in circles while he pointed out things that I hadn't yet done and that needed doing because he didn't want his family thinking we lived like pigs!

Most of the mess that he used to rage about in the house seems to have disappeared around the same time he moved out, very strange, I can't work that one out at all.

I have the kids tomorrow but they are then with their dad for two days, I have some work lined up for Tuesday and apart from that I'm going drink Baileys, watch TV and have a good cry as I have been holding it together through a month of sheer crap. Next year can only be better.

I am here for.handholding if anyone needs it. Hope everyone manages to find some joy tomorrow.

My first post split xmas too. DS and DD are with STBXH from xmas day noon till 27 and then again 30-1. It's hard to share those days as we always spent them together with traditions we did with kids but as they hardly see their dad did not want to refuse the time when he asked.
Hugs to all who will be alone it is not easy!!

I'm in! 2nd Xmas post split. But first since he lived with ow and they have a baby.
Trying to think positive as he drained the life out of me and was so boring even on Xmas eve. But he would think it was ok coz he would throw expensive gifts my way that would make up for the cheating.
Nevertheless still feels lonely . Kids with him this Xmas

Once I've stopped vomming I intend to go for a run (Christmas morning, if poss) then begin some new traditions when DC is back with me.
Presents will be given out treasure hunt style.
Christmas lunch will be noodles and chilli squid.
Christmas pudding will be a DIY trifle.

Etc

I think the key to this might be shedding attachment to How Things Were and creating our owner better How Things Are.

Or am I just delirious?

Joining in! It's my first Christmas without DP after a sudden and unexpected split in the summer. I'm at my DM's for Christmas and NY with my siblings which is comforting but also feels like a step back.

I've got DS tonight and tomorrow until the afternoon but then he's off for a couple of nights. I've already received several messages instructing me on what exDP wants me to pack for DS tomorrow.... grrrrr!

Trying to focus on planning my new life which is helping a little.

Sorry to hear so many of us are going through this. 2017 will be better!

@Boundaries Your new Christmas traditions sound wonderful! Love the treasure hunt idea (I may 'borrow' it) and the squid noodles sound delicious. Sounds really positive to me, not delirious!

Second christmas after separation for me. 2 adult dc no longer at home, live abroad so not here for Christmas, one dd15 spending christmas with her dad, from the 23rd to 27th. I'm meant to be spending tomorrow with bf and his family, but feel the relationship is going nowhere and I should end it. But probably not on Christmas day.

Feel awful and wish I had my kids around me. DM a long way away and spending christmas with friends.

Wish I could just stay in bed tomorrow.

Boundaries that sounds like a fab idea!

I'm with XH and it's hard as we're having an old style Christmas and I'm really enjoying it but sad it's the last. Resisting the urge to worry what DP is up to but it's hard. Not sure how Christmas will look in the future. If there was one thing XH really excelled at was Christmas!

Hello, I discovered that my husband of 15 years had been cheating on me at the beginning of November. I am in the middle of divorcing him and received more lies through the post yesterday in a letter from his solicitors about our finances.

I'm at my parents' place tomorrow but am feeling a bit alone tonight. There's lots of stuff I could be doing, the house is a tip, but I am struggling to find the energy for anything other than sitting on the sofa at the moment.

Sorry to heat that TheTapir

I'm sat around too .. eating junk and watching Love Actually . I should be doing all sorts, including cooking proper food!

Just jumping on too after a horrific day arguing with my ex.
He's here tomorrow too as we'd planned Xmas day together with the kids, but at this point I can't see how tomorrow is going to be anything other than shit.
I'm sick & tired of wasting tears and emotion on trying to keep it all together now - if I could run away tonight and never look back, I totally would.

Have only read the first few posts so far, will read them all properly later on.

Lots of good Xmas wishes to all - keep on keeping on xxx

Hugs and to anyone struggling this evening x

Tapir, so sorry to hear that.

Sorry for everyone going through a tough time over xmas.

Il be on here for the rest of tonight if anyone wants to talk!

What has everyone planned for NYE? I'm worrying more about that than I am Christmas.

I've offered to have the children overnight even though it should be STBXH's night.

I've not got many friends and I don't think I can face sitting at home alone on NYE whilst the rest of the world is out partying. At least if I have the children I have a valid reason to be at home, and I won't get pitying looks from people!

Anyone want to share their new years resolutions for life without their Ex?

Mine are:
-teach DS to ride his bike. STBXH never had any patience and we tried in the summer to teach DS together but STBXH just made him stressy and upset. I can teach him on my own calmly and nicely.
-lose the extra 5 stone I'm carrying I need to be fit/healthy to keep up with the DC's and I relied a lot on STBXH to do the physical stuff (football at the park etc) but now I need to be able to do that myself.
-learn how to use a drill. Bit daunting but I'm determined to be able to put up shelves myself and lose this whole 'helpless female' attitude to 'man jobs'. I have a degree. Surely I can teach myself some basic DIY, how hard can it be?

Good for you savoury. I haven't used a drill yet although I have one, but I've managed to assemble bookshelves, a double bed and even a sofa. I've not come across anything I needed a man for .. except curtain poles and I paid someone to put those up!

I'm sat here with a glass of wondering what to do about tomorrow.

Joining in. Third year post separating but first without him for many many years. I'm with the kids who are very happy but the magic is gone.
Christmas was something we should have done together to make it magical for the kids

Can I just ask how everyone else deals with their DC? I've been separated a year, had DD last year and was fully prepared for ex having her this year, but he changed his mind and said she could stay with me only to change his mind again three weeks ago. I left DD crying and very angry at his earlier on, she's only 7 and I feel I've managed to destroy Christmas for her. He has texted to say she's fine now which is great but I feel utterly shit! On the brightside I can look forward to Christmas next year without arsehole ruining it for us- again.

Bark - would you feel like you were letting him/his family down if you didn't go?

We had Christmas together last year and this year was XH year to have her but as my so called DP made plans to go to his family (where I am not welcome) then XH took pity on me and invited me to stay. It will be the last year for sure as expecting DP's baby now and I'm pretty sure all Christmases hereafter will be a mess of trying to see both my children. On the bright side, all I am trying to think is that it is just a few days and at least I don't have to put up with their shit the other 362 days of the year.

NYE plans - taking DD to my parents. Will be feeling pretty bleak I am sure with having more shit to deal with in 2017 and I tend to let it out there so hope Mum has got some tissues in.

bark will you be happy spending the day alone? If you dont want to go to your bf's do you have a good friend you can call and spend some of the day with?

Can you book a trip to visit your grown up DC for 2017? I find booking stuff in for the future is helping me a lot.

Aw Mari I'm sure she is fine but it's rubbish to leave her crying.

We're at home tomorrow and ex is coming here first thing for the day. We are fairly amicable but it will be the first proper time together and I feel very weird about it. But I know it's preferable to the shared routine we'll have to start next year.

My 2yo struggles sometimes but I think it helps that ex's home was (briefly) the family home before I left with the DC. They are close to 50/50 contact.

I'm feeling remarkably ok this evening. I have hosted every occasion for my in-laws for years so it's nice to have a year off. Last xmas was not happy at all so being well and relaxing tonight is such a contrast.

I'm sorry it's a struggle for many tonight\tomorrow.

peppa sounds difficult with your partner. Wynter I haven't read your other threads but sounds stressful.

I like idea of new traditions. And chilli squid sounds delicious. I'm a little concerned it might not be the best food post tummy bug though Boundaries!

Ah, bless you Bit. Won't be having Christmas #2 until day after Boxing Day when DC back.

I'll go for dry toast until then

Thanks bit, she facetimed me and seemed really good so you're right, kind of wish she wouldn't turn the emotional blackmail so full on as I was ok with arrangements.
My ex and I have a long and tortuous relationship and it's only in the last couple of years we've not been able to do Christmas together (I fully take responsibility) it's shit though!