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Original poster

Post separation xmas survival thread?

236 replies

Bitlessbahhumbug · 23/12/2016 09:27

First Christmas separated, my ex is being very lovely (better than him being horrible I know) and every time I see him or talk to him to sort out dc presents etc I still go through doubts about having left. My brain is starting to function better and catches up fairly fast these days to remind me of the shit!

Therapy is helping with a lot.
I'm currently looking for motivational/pull yourself together/move on type things to read or listen to, to survive the holidays and not make any stupid decisions. Smile

Anyway, does anybody want a space to vent or just fill time on some of the lonelier days? I'm feeling quite good at the moment but I'm often up and down.

OP posts:
GoldenOrb · 28/12/2016 12:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JudithTaverner · 28/12/2016 13:51

My Christmas was shit too! But it's over now (NYE to get through of course) . I'm child free for a few days but trying to get out to visit people to avoid moping around the house.

I've registered on 100happydays and posted my photo for the day

I'm fed up with being miserable now (on the plus side am v thin at the moment )

We need a thread for it -.im on my phone but next time I'm on a laptop will do it if no one else has...)

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 28/12/2016 19:30

DC back for bedtime. Both grumpy because wanted to stay longer at Dads, have been fighting with each other, both asleep already. My homemade pizza wasn't nice. Oh and eldest called me fat. Sad

I know they're only children. Difficult not to feel bad.

Ah well, i'm going to have to be impressive tomorrow!

OP posts:
Shayelle · 28/12/2016 20:24

First massive mountain (christmas) over.... next, New Year. What is everyone doing for it?

savouryandsweet · 28/12/2016 20:35

shayelle I'm having the children on NYE - supposed to be STBXH's night with them but I've offered to swap his overnight.

I've pretended that it's cos I'm nice and I know he likes to go out and get drunk and use drugs but my main reason for offfering is cos having the children gives me an excuse to stay home.

Everyone seems to think I should be out socialising/dating etc. I'm totally not ready. If I have the children I can avoid my friends 'helpful' suggestions that I can go out in town with them, and shag a stranger and then maybe that will help me 'get over' my 12 year relationship falling apart...

I'd rather stay home with my children and get some sleep cos I might be late 20's but I'm old and boring at heart Grin

savouryandsweet · 28/12/2016 20:35

Anyone else doing fuck all for NYE like me? Blush

savouryandsweet · 28/12/2016 20:41

bitless it's horrid isn't it when they come back ratty and bickering and you get the brunt of it.

I hope they wake up tomorrow refreshed and less grumpy Flowers

TheTapir · 28/12/2016 20:41

Yep, fuck all here too.

Probably eating some crap, watching some crap and going to bed early. Again

Shayelle · 28/12/2016 20:50

Hi savouryandsweet... at least you have the kids as a great excuse to stay in. Im not in the mood to do anything but cant even think of an excuse. Does 'im just not in the mood to party after quite a shit year' count?? Xmas Sad

Shayelle · 28/12/2016 20:51

Is it very sad to be looking forward to 3rd jan when the world goes back to normal again. I feel like im stuck in limbo land..

TheTapir · 28/12/2016 21:01

I'm with you Shayelle. I will have had almost two weeks off work which normally would have been great, but this year I want to get back to normal life, have people to talk to, and to crack on with the divorce and moving on with life. Everything is on hold at the moment.

Shayelle · 28/12/2016 21:04

Good luck Tapir, just a few more days to keep busy then we can all try and move forwards. Feels like a long stretch now but hopefully it will pass ok.. crappy wishing your life away... but 🥂 To a better 2017....

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 28/12/2016 21:23

Yep, fuck all here too.
Probably eating some crap, watching some crap and going to bed early. Again

Me too. Even though DC will be back at their dads for the weekend.
I haven't lived here long. Quite far from friends. Near in law's. My family in a different country. And compared to you savouryandsweet I am old!

I feel really depressed about keeping the DC here until Saturday. Like im ruining their fun. But I hate that they associate him with fun (they are at his every weekend) and me with boring. I really want to spend time with them.

Oh dear. I'm all about me. Sorry.

Sorry for others feeling crap.

I too am wishing these holidays away. Though divorce looming is daunting, this does feel like limbo.

golden I hope your DS is feeling better. And you Bank, hope painkillers are helping.

I'll have a look at that 100 days when in a better mood!. what were your photos today Judith and Boundaries? Did you start peppa?

Faffalotty I thought about hairdressers today but couldn't face the xmas questions.

OP posts:
GoldenOrb · 28/12/2016 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

savouryandsweet · 28/12/2016 21:43

Yes I'm with you shayelle and thetapier roll on the 3rd of January and back to 'normal'!!

bitless I read about the 'Disney dads' on here and I am totally channelling them and doing as much fun stuff as possible. I refuse to be the 'boring mummy' whilst daddy gets all the credit for being 'fun' but essentially feeds them crap and has no boundaries Hmm

Can you do something 1:1 with each of your children? How old are they? Board games, playdoh, etc? Not expensive, but something fun for them to remember that you're not just boring/nagging mummy and that you've got time for them?

I try my best to have at least 10 minutes (I set a timer!) proper quality time with each of mine every day, no phone or TV, just time to reconnect and enjoy their company. It seems to be helping me feel less guilty if nothing else Grin

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 28/12/2016 22:12

Yes savouryandsweet I need to have fun with them for a couple of days.

It's the first time I've sensed a comparison from DS1 (nearly 7) Ex lives somewhere big and lovely and has amazing places on his doorstep.

I planned on baking tomorrow as DS1 has been asking to for a while. Doesn't always work well with toddler but will give it a go!

OP posts:
peppatax · 28/12/2016 22:15

I didn't do a photo but I got a new baby nephew today so that has perked me right up! Going to see him on NYE Smile

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 28/12/2016 22:40

Oh how lovely! It doesn't get much better than that.

OP posts:
savouryandsweet · 28/12/2016 22:42

bitless I have a 7yr old and a todder too. It's almost impossible to do something with both of them. Bonus points for you even attempting baking with both, you're braver than me Grin I cheat and bake with 7yr old whilst toddler naps. And bake with toddler when 7 yr old is at school. Not that I bake much, I'm much better at eating cake than I am at baking it Blush

Original poster
Bitlessbahhumbug · 28/12/2016 23:11

I've promised Xbox while toddler naps. Which I hope he finds less frustrating than my attempt to play it Xmas day!

OP posts:
Shayelle · 29/12/2016 08:55

Great news peppatax x

motheroreily · 29/12/2016 12:27

How's everyone?
Sorry I've not been on. I worked yesterday and then went on a tinder date! I'm meeting a friend today and tomorrow got a doc appointment.
So that's just three days with no direct human contact until my child is back.

I'm really not sue what to do nye. I want to mark my mums passing but don't know how and also don't want to get too low.

Boundaries · 29/12/2016 13:10

Oooh!

How was the Tinder date?

peppatax · 29/12/2016 14:09

YY to hearing about the Tinder date please!

motheroreily · 29/12/2016 19:05

Well it was ok. He was polite and nice but I didn't fancy him and hoped he wouldn't kiss me! Ha ha that's a bad sign isn't it