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Original poster

Ex has called the police on me!

300 replies

Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 21:59

So I've just received a letter from the police stating that my ex has called them due to me harassing him!

They've said they aren't going to arrest me but want to see me to get my side of the story!

Is he fucking serious??!! Only last week I had to call them because of his abuse and weirdness and now he's called them!

Yes I've contacted him since but only regarding our child.....wtaf??

His sister has even been in contact with me! Yet I'm now being told I'm harassing him??

I'm pregnant! I don't need all this stress, how can he do this?? I genuinely believed he loved me once, obviously I was wrong...who calls the police on their pregnant ex??

OP posts:
goddessofsmallthings · 01/12/2016 22:18

'A controlling cunt' is the answer to your last question.

Don't worry, the police have seen and heard it all before and when they come to see you I suggest you ask to be put in touch with a domesstic abuse officer.

Needless to say, block your ex and his sister and don't make any attempt to contact them.

I hope you'll come back with an update after you've spoken to the police.

Starlight2345 · 01/12/2016 22:23

Is the child you are pregnant with your only child with him?

If so block.. Do not contact..Only do so through CMS once baby is born...Do not call..Keep everything by text..

I agree though they will of heard it all before... They haven't visited they sent a letter which suggests they are following procedure not concerned.

Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:26

I'm literally devastated!
This is my first child and it's with him, something I wish I could change!

All I've done is try to get hold of him to arrange access for when the baby comes! I have been so reasonable with all of his family yet have been ignored by him, okay I got absolutely desperate because I wanted to ensure he was going to have a relationship with his son once he arrives that I emailed his boss/friend who is pregnant also but it was only about our baby!

I just asked if seeing as they are also friends as well as colleagues if she could have a chat with him and see if he'll contact me!

Yes I think okay maybe I shouldn't have emailed her but I was hormonal and emotional I just wanted him to reassure me he wanted to see our son, well! This is more than enough reassurance that he doesn't!

He's literally controlling my life even though we aren't together!

OP posts:
Fishface77 · 01/12/2016 22:28

Stop getting in touch then.
Do you really want your DC involved with these people???

Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:33

I know, I was just trying to do the right thing by my son, I wanted him to have a relationship with his dad, I wanted to be able to show the courts (if he took me to court) that I have given him ample opportunity to be involved yet he's ignored each and every attempt at contact.

I didn't want to be viewed as an instructive mother.

I rang the police last Tuesday because he's assaulted me in the past and emotionally abused me & I needed the courts (again if he took me to court) to be aware what he was like should they try to force contact in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:34

That was meant to say obstructive

OP posts:
SmallTownTwirl · 01/12/2016 22:35

I think you should see this as permission to never contact anybody in his family again. block him and his sister.

Fishface77 · 01/12/2016 22:36

Stop trying.
He's a cunt.
Do the right thing by your child and that's Not necessarily having their DF in their lives, it's protecting your child from people who may hurt them. Physically and emotionally.

BastardGoDarkly · 01/12/2016 22:37

Holy shit, you emailed his boss to pressure him to get in touch regarding access to an unborn child?!

Yes, it does sound like harassment, stop it, it's not rational, you'll make yourself ill.

BastardGoDarkly · 01/12/2016 22:38

You need to stay away from him, at least until the baby's born, and even then, if he's violent.

PoldarksBreeches · 01/12/2016 22:38

You emailed his boss? Not ok at all. Stop contacting him or anyone connected to him.

Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:41

I only emailed his boss because they are Friends outside of work and she's pregnant too, effectively it is harassment however it's not abusive or threatening.

If the police officer dealing with it had any compassion, he'd see I was trying to do right by my child.

However I haven't actually attempted to make contact with any of his family since Monday the 28th, his sister made contact with me and I explained I wasn't interested.

I have now blocked her so she cannot make contact, I have not contacted him or anyone associated with him since the 28th, he made the allegation on the 29th and the police sent the letter on the 30th and I got it today.

They don't want to see me until Monday.

They've also stated they want to get my side of the story and aren't arresting me.

OP posts:
JustSpeakSense · 01/12/2016 22:43

You've contacted him, the police, his sister and also his boss?

I think you need to stop.

Focus on your pregnancy and your baby, and beginning to start fresh without him.

ValaMalDoran · 01/12/2016 22:43

I know you are pregnant and hormonal and just want the best for your baby but calling his boss isn't normal. You need to stop that as tbh that is going into harassment territory. Presumably you did it because he is avoiding your calls. By doing this He is sending you a message loud and clear that he doesn't give a shit. Listen to him. Stop contacting him. You've gone above and beyond what anyone else would do. You did your bit but it's his choice.

Back off and focus on your health and your baby. Contact can be done later IF he can be trusted and actually wants it. The only thing worse than an absent father is a father who causes harm (physical or mental) to his kid because he doesn't give a shiny shite.

BastardGoDarkly · 01/12/2016 22:44

How old are you love? I mean this kindly, but you seem very dramatic, the 28th was 3 days ago, there's absolutely no reason to be in touch with him at all for any reason, your baby's not even here yet! How far along are you?

goddessofsmallthings · 01/12/2016 22:49

I emailed his boss/friend who is pregnant also but it was only about our baby

This is why the police want to see you and, if it was only 1 email, I hope they'll accept your assurance that the minute your finger hit the 'send' button you realised that you shouldn't have sent it.

Are the police coming to see you at your home or have you been asked to attend a police station?

Kr1stina · 01/12/2016 22:50

Stop contacting him

Do not contact him to tell him the baby has been born

Do not give the baby his surname

Go to register the birth alone

Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:52

I called the police myself because he's assaulted me 4 times during the relationship, all of which he them calmly blamed me for, said it was my fault it happened.

Yes I may come across as going too far however I have to protect myself and my baby, I need evidence that I have been reasonable and tried to offer contact for when the baby is here and would like to at least set out a plan now.

Yes the baby isn't here yet however due to the nature of the relationship, I can't have no contact for 18 weeks only for him to come waltzing back into my life like nothing has happened.

He has been trying to call the shots for god knows how long and I've had enough of it, the letter from the police has pushed me over the edge and I want no contact from him, not now and definitely not when the baby arrives.

I am 26, this is my first baby.

I can handle a lot and have done in life however not knowing if he'll just decide to turn up at any given moment is making me uneasy!

OP posts:
Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 22:56

I emailed him pictures of the scan and also emailed his boss.

Yes that is why they want to see me, I'm not worried as once I explain the whole situation and advise this copper what has happened in the past and a lot of what my ex probably hasn't told him, I'm sure he will advise no further contact from each party and I will also make sure of this.

Now I've received this letter, I am now more than aware he wants nothing to do with me or the baby, since Monday I have actually been coming to terms with it and agree I shouldn't have sent the email to his boss!

I'm normally quite rational however my emotions got the better of me and I acted irrationally, I'm human I have feelings!

I will be registering the birth alone
I will be staying with my mother for 2 weeks after
I won't be giving him his surname
I won't be advising him when he comes
I won't be contacting him or anyone in his family.

OP posts:
HeavenlyEyes · 01/12/2016 22:58

why do you need evidence. He is a violent abuser. Keep him away from you and your baby. And I agree - do not put him on the birth certificate and give the baby your surname. Stop trying to convince him to be a good father because he is not going to be. And if he does turn up do not answer the door and call the police I reckon.

JustSpeakSense · 01/12/2016 23:00

You do not need an abusive man in your life and you certainly don't need one in your DS life.

Delete all contact details of anyone linked to him.

Block them all.

Never contact him directly again.

Gather your strength and start fresh, fill your life up with your precious new baby, and thank your lucky stars you are free from him.

FGS don't seek him out and offer him access.

PoldarksBreeches · 01/12/2016 23:02

You don't need evidence that you have tried to offer contact. Firstly, he's clearly not going to apply to court for contact. And if he does, all you need to do it not be obstructive. That means if he asks then you discuss it. Not that you chase him and his friends and family for weeks despite his clear lack of interest.
I'm really sorry but you're behaving really irrationally.

goddessofsmallthings · 01/12/2016 23:06

If the police officer dealing with it had any compassion, he'd see I was trying to do right by my child

Irrespective of what their personal feelings may be, the police uphold the law and you shouldn't put any stock into being able to play the pregnant hormones card, and more particularly as a foetus is not a child.

Have you been asked to attend a police station?

Original poster
Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 23:09

I've no plans to contact him again.

I don't want him anywhere near me.

Yes regardless of his feelings on the matter he does have to uphold the law however, I received threats from another ex and their friend, I got abusive messages I also got phone calls the lot.....the police logged it and told me not to contact them and to ring if they contacted me again.

If they didn't slap a harassment order on them or even contacted them, why the hell would this copper do the above to me for contacting my ex in a pretty decent manner? My email was of scan pictures and an update on the scan itself! It wasn't abusive or threatening.

OP posts:
Lorelei76 · 01/12/2016 23:11

You've offered more than enough contact, harassing his boss was wrong.

Don't contact anyone else about this again. I expect the police will be okay if you say you were worried about being seen as obstructive but you've crossed far over the line.

He's assaulted you. You should keep your child away from him anyway, trust me, it's no loss.