Ex has called the police on me!

[Notmyweek]

So I've just received a letter from the police stating that my ex has called them due to me harassing him!

They've said they aren't going to arrest me but want to see me to get my side of the story!

Is he fucking serious??!! Only last week I had to call them because of his abuse and weirdness and now he's called them!

Yes I've contacted him since but only regarding our child.....wtaf??

His sister has even been in contact with me! Yet I'm now being told I'm harassing him??

I'm pregnant! I don't need all this stress, how can he do this?? I genuinely believed he loved me once, obviously I was wrong...who calls the police on their pregnant ex??

Why did you email his boss your scan picture? That's odd. Block him and have nothing more to do with this abuser.

With the utmost respect intended.

Needing evidence that you attempted to facilitate contact before the baby is born is a total pile of shit.

In the real world that actually goes against any attempts to safeguard your baby from him that you may need to take when he/she is actually born.

You do need to respond reasonably to requests if it is safe for you to do so when the baby is actually born but you do not need to make any approaches yourself.

You walk into a court room and tell a judge he is a risk to your baby and they are going to wonder why if that is the case have you been chasing contact he has not even requested.

And I say that as a domestic abuse specialist with several decades experance most of it in the family court

I emailed him the scan pictures.
I emailed his boss/FRIEND (too many people are ignoring the fact that they are also friends who text outside of work, also the fact she is pregnant and due around same time as me and! The fact she knows a hell of a lot about me and my ex and our baby!
I didn't just email her out of the blue!
How do you think I had her email address?? I'm not a stalker! She did me a favour before which meant her needing to email me.

They aren't just colleagues they are also friends.

Yes I maybe tried too hard to get in contact with him however, at no point am I trying to use the "pregnancy card"!

I'm standing up and saying straight, I was emotional because of the fact that one day we are talking and next he's completely cut me out of his life!

When I attempted to speak with him personally, he started screaming in my face and threw me against the door, he has a screw loose however due to the constant mental abuse.....he made me feel guilty for ever thinking it was "that bad" so I don't have countless police reports!

I don't have anything to show the courts should he seek legal action to see his son and the courts would allow unsupervised contact due to having no reason to stop it!

I've simply shown that I've tried to make contact and be amicable in regards to contact & now, as said before I won't be making ANYMORE contact.

I have blocked him on pretty much everything even email now.
I have blocked his sister
I am changing my number tomorrow.
I won't be contacting him at all.
I won't even be claiming CSA

I know, I was just trying to do the right thing by my son, I wanted him to have a relationship with his dad, I wanted to be able to show the courts (if he took me to court) that I have given him ample opportunity to be involved yet he's ignored each and every attempt at contact.

I didn't want to be viewed as an obstructive mother.

This stuff makes my heart sink. I hate that women practically have to staple doormats to their backs to show that they've repeatedly attempted to be cooperative and inclusive (but too repeatedly and you've become a bunny boiler, oops!), whereas men can do nothing but answer every call and text with a stream of verbal abuse, and then the courts green stamp their contact (if they want it) anyway, because 'how they interact with their ex is an entirely separate issue from their relationship with the child'. A line you never see applied to women...

I am capable of safeguarding my child as any contact should he have with the baby would be with me there at all times!

I can't just walk into a courtroom and say "Oh! He's mentally and physically abusive to me but I've only one police report to prove it"

The courts will overlook that and decide he can have contact!

I'm not bloody stupid! I understand the law and have friends who were physically abused yet courts still advised it was in the child's best interest to se their dad!

Don't be fooled into thinking the system has everyone's best interests at heart! They don't!

Too many people are accused of things they didn't actually do! Myself included! I've had a harassment order against me with my ex wife.....something I later proved was a lie and was actually the other way around! Tell me that's fair??

Your ex wife?

Yes ex wife, I am female.

Please don't start with the labelling rubbish!

I can decide to be with what gender I choose! I don't require titles!

I am comfortable with who and what I am.

Try to be calm and unemotional when you speak to the police. Don't tell them you're blocking him on everything, it sounds a bit from one extreme to the other. Give them the facts, and ask them for their advice (in my experience they tend to like that.)

And don't decide yet that you won't claim CSA and certainly don't tell your ex that. Just deal with your immediate issues now. You don't have to give your ex and his relationship with your child a seconds thought until there actually is a baby. And I would suggest you don't make any mention of the birth certificate. if he's uninterested, choose a name you like and register the birth without him. That means no parental rights for him and at the least it slows the legal process down and gives you more breathing space.

Aggressive much?

Fair enough re scan pictures, but you should contact cms and claim financial support for your child, he should contribute fiancially for his child. Contact is a separate issue entirely, especially seeing how abusive he has been towards you.

What bloody comments?! I just asked you to clarify ffs!?

But tbh, with two reports of harassment against you, and such an attitude for no reason, I'd start looking a bit closer at what part you have to play in all this.

Of course you're a woman, you're pregnant!?

I'm now totally lost

I'm now totally lost too

I'm completely lost...and not sure what comments caused OP to erupt in anger?

You sound completely nuts and totally guilty of harassment. Incidentally harassment only had to be unwanted contact to be criminal. The actually contact does not have to be abusive or threatening. I'm glad the police are involved as your unborn child will be recorded on safeguarding systems. Tread very carefully from here as you could make things quite tricky for yourself.

Yes I was married to a woman!

I'm just saying I don't want any comments made on that subject.

Fact is, a lot of people have come on here and offered real advice, I have accepted that yes I shouldn't have contacted his boss however I cannot take it back.

Yes you can view this as "what part has she played" but you are ignoring the fact that I PROVED it was her and not me! So you can sit there all you like pointing your finger however you have overlooked the fact I had it overturned due to new evidence I provided.....so you can put your finger back thanks.

Can you blame me for being "aggressive"?? Too many people choose to come onto my thread and offer nothing but ridiculous comments it's embarrassing that adults act like children!

So thank you to the people who have commented and offered advice! I appreciate it hugely.

As said a few times, I won't be contacting him again.

I will try not to get emotional, although I can't promise I won't cry!

Right, that's that sorted then

Safeguarding from who??! Me??

Lol! Don't even start with the crap about tread very carefully!

As a lot have overlooked the previous posts, I contacted the police last Monday, due to the abuse I received from my ex.

The only person my child needs to be safe guarded from is him! Who hits a pregnant woman??

It's actually quite laughable to be fair, it's nothing more than playground bullying.......I haven't got a criminal record....I haven't ever been arrested by the police and I come from a respectable family! Tell me again why my child would need to be safeguarded from me?????

Considering I have been offered help because of his actions.

How many weeks are you? Really, do you want to be tied to such an idiot for the next 18 years? An eejit, you have to contact his f-ing boss to show him scan pictures, and he calls the f-ing police, you want to have a baby with him?!! Wow. If beyond limits to rectify the situation, enjoy your beautiful baby, do not put dickhead on birth cert, go nc and let him put in the work required for any possible future father/child relationship plus financial contributions aside of access arrangements.

I think a casual mention that he had taken out an order against you and your ex HUSBAND would have been met with the same response TBH.

How did your ex wife get swept up in the rancour?

The fact is too many people come onto threads ready to give their two pence, I asked for no advice however when received it I took it in, I agreed with what people said.

What I don't appreciate is comments like "drip....drip.....drip" it's unnecessary and childish.

Of course you can state what you like and make your own assumptions however it makes no difference in my life and I won't stand for childish comments or behaviour.

Yes you can view this as "what part has she played" but you are ignoring the fact that I PROVED it was her and not me! So you can sit there all you like pointing your finger however you have overlooked the fact I had it overturned due to new evidence I provided.....so you can put your finger back thanks.

WTF?

You know we can't read your mind, right?

Maybe take a breath and explain this chronologically (without the casual passing references to things we don't know).

Fucking Hell.

So both your ex partners have wrongly accused you of harrassment? I'd be looking for some legal advice if I were you.