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Original poster

Ex has called the police on me!

300 replies

Notmyweek · 01/12/2016 21:59

So I've just received a letter from the police stating that my ex has called them due to me harassing him!

They've said they aren't going to arrest me but want to see me to get my side of the story!

Is he fucking serious??!! Only last week I had to call them because of his abuse and weirdness and now he's called them!

Yes I've contacted him since but only regarding our child.....wtaf??

His sister has even been in contact with me! Yet I'm now being told I'm harassing him??

I'm pregnant! I don't need all this stress, how can he do this?? I genuinely believed he loved me once, obviously I was wrong...who calls the police on their pregnant ex??

OP posts:
Starlight2345 · 06/12/2016 13:05

You don't have to defend your plans to go through the CMS..Your child is legally entitled to be financially supported by both parents.

It is a very Jeremy Kyle thing that you must put the baby on the birth certificate... Of course the child has a right to know who their father is...However that doesn't have to be a on a birth certificate...A name on a birth certificate gives someone the right to be involved in all sorts of decisions .It makes travelling abroad more difficult... If he sorts himself out he can be added later.

CocktailQueen · 06/12/2016 13:18

I won't even be claiming CSA

Please do. Why should you/the taxpayer have to support his child? Your ex should support his own child.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 13:23

I'm not, not adding him because of my own personal selfishness but because he isn't going to be there for the birth, the registration or his life....il be more than honest about who is dad is, just unfortunately I can't put him on if he isn't there.

I will obviously keep updated with everything.....it's nice to have people to talk to

RebootYourEngine · 06/12/2016 13:35

You tell it like it is but you dont like other people telling it like it is.

I am not surprised your ex doesnt want anything to do with you. I dont really know why he needs to be in your life right now. In 4 months time when the baby is born that will be different.

jamesagnes36 · 06/12/2016 13:40

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BastardGoDarkly · 06/12/2016 13:40

Piss off!!!! Reported again.

myoriginal3 · 06/12/2016 13:41

Reboot. If you read the whole thread you will see that all of us got off to a rocky start with the lovely op but she is now seeing us less as the enemy and more so as her friends.
She needs support not judgment.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 14:06

Maybe if everyone reports this thread then MHNQ will actually bloody delete it!

I understand why people are having a go, they are reading only my replies as opposed to anything else.....oh how everyone likes to have their 2 pence thrown in!

It's a shame, I didn't get to read to comment that got deleted!

Regardless of what happened between myself and him, I reacted the only way I knew how & that was to contact him.....at the point I went to his house, I thought we'd sort it out as we had done so many bloody times in the past, however on that occasion I got it wrong, as he didn't give me an explanation...of course I wanted to talk to him...I wanted to include him in everything as I had done for the last 5 months....I simply tried but I tried too bloody hard!

As said before, I've not contacted him since..I don't plan on contacting him again...I am trying to move on with my life and rebuild it for me and my baby.

Starlight2345 · 06/12/2016 14:33

Notmyweek..It is a spam message it is posted on various threads not specifically anything relating to you. I reported it as well

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 14:51

A part of me is struggling to move on because of the fact he cut me out with no warning and no explanation....that's what's getting to me the most, not knowing why.

I speculate all the time however I don't actually know for sure....if it is another woman which a huge part of me is saying it is, I'd rather not know now or in the future....the thought of getting into another relationship now or in the future petrifies me in case they leave me too...he promised me so many times in so many emails, letters and texts that's he'd never leave me Sad

forumdonkey · 06/12/2016 15:49

Look OP there's not many people who haven't suffered heart break and added to it is the pregnancy, but it'd serve you well to stop looking at your relationship with rose tinted glasses. From what you've put, he was an abusive bastard. Forget the words and focus on his actions. Words are empty and meaningless it's actions that show you who a person really is. I know you wanted the lovely family set up, but the reality is your son would probably grown up seeing his DC pushing his DC around. Although you may say that you are not scared of him and retaliate now, when you are trying to protect a child from shouting, pushing and abusive language, your reaction is to pacify the the situation for the children. It is an awful situation to be and bring a child into. So forget empty promises and focus on a calm and loving environment for your child.

forumdonkey · 06/12/2016 15:50

*his DF pushing around his DM

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 15:55

I completely agree with you, because of how I feel I am stupidly ignoring all the crap stuff...it's like I can't remember all the negatives!

Believe it or not, my first bf did this to me...we had split but were talking with a view of getting back together and out of no where he cut me out of his life for another girl!

Oh how I'd love to know what I did in my past life!

I'm not a bad person, I'm actually caring, generous and loyal.....shockingly!

My baby has my full attention even now and he will when he's here as he is my only priority.

I am fully aware me and my ex aren't getting back together....not now and not in the future....it's just my thoughts keep coming up and I struggle to process them.

SlottedSpoon · 06/12/2016 16:04

You didn't necessarily do anything not that's just how it is sometimes. Once someone decides they are no longer comfortable in the relationship there is little point in hanging around having ended it. What good is having the same conversation a dozen times with someone who is always weeping and begging? If you aren't going to change your mind then all it does is make both parties stressed and prolongs the agony. Explain once, back it up maybe a second or third time if you really have to, then cut contact and move on. It might seem hard but actually it's probably a damn sight easier than having someone who dicks you around for weeks or months changing his mind and giving mixed messages and false hope.

AcrossthePond55 · 06/12/2016 16:21

When I was younger and relationships didn't work out I used to get into cycles of "shoulda/didn't" with myself and go round and round. You know; "I (or) he shoulda XYZ", "But I/he didn't", "But shoulda", "But didn't", "Shoulda", "Didn't", rinse repeat until my head swam. It's awful and you just can't move on. Took counseling for me to finally be able to say "Shoulda, Didn't, Ok then, Fuck 'em!" and simply move on. You'll get there.

You aren't a bad person at all! You just are in a 'less than optimal' situation. I won't say 'bad' because you'll have your lovely baby and a wonderful future.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 16:35

80% is saying screw him....I don't even want to hear his excuses....20% is saying "I just want to know for my sake so I can finally move on but! I don't want to know not now and not in 5 months.

He's done it now, the damage is done, I simply have to suck it up

Manumission · 06/12/2016 16:44

The thing is that you're making the right noises but your emotional revs dont seem to have dropped at all since the start of the thread.

It IS hard to have a relationship go wrong mid-pregnancy but maybe some professional support would help get things on track for you?

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 16:49

I'm doing all the right things, I am speaking with family & friends.

I referred for support to a DV organisation, I've referred to MIND

& im waiting on CBT & also private counselling.

Manumission · 06/12/2016 17:34

Oh well that's all sensible and positive.

Maybe what you need meanwhile is straightforward relaxation techniques?

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 17:44

Oh yeah, could do with those!

I actually look forward to work as it relaxes me whereas before I could wait to finish....funny how a break up changes that so quickly!

SandyY2K · 06/12/2016 17:49

I put my life into that man, I gave him all of me

Not a wise thing to do. Don't do this again, as it will lead to disappointment and high emotions.

I opened up to him, I agreed to have a baby with him, I've changed my future for him

Again, don't change your future for a man, unless, it's what you want. Do so introspection into why you did this .... and 'love' isn't enough of a reason.

You should only agree to have a baby, if you want one and are in a loving stable relationship.

This isn't aimed at you personally, but far too many people have children with people they barely know.

If you wouldn't marry someone after say ..1 year ... why have a baby with them after 6 months. I'll never understand the logic behind a planned pregnancy, with a man you really don't know.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 18:18

Again I completely agree.

I understand that 8 months was no where near enough time to know him, I didn't really have a clue who he was by the time the baby comes il know him even less!

It's sad really, realising you actually do not know the father of your child....that you thought you did however I was so stupidly wrong!

I guess I wanted it to work, I made myself think it was okay not to really know him. We planned for a baby in march, however we continued to have unprotected sex....so it was obviously going to happen, looking back I admit I acted quite immature...I didn't once for a second think "if I fall pregnant, he could leave me", even if I had that doubt, he'd have reassured me time & time again.

I don't regret my baby, I don't regret any of this....I simply regret that I was so stupid about it all.

If only I was this rational back then!

Kr1stina · 06/12/2016 18:33

Don't beat yourself up about what you did in the past, you can't change any of that . We've all done things we regret .

And you are only stupid if you don't learn from your mistakes. You are Now wiser about what kind of man he is and you need to make smart decisions.

You need to concentrate on looking after yourself and baby. Have you made plans for your maternity leave - how long are you taking ? How are you going to pay the bills during your leave ?

What about childcare when you go back to work ?

People tend to over plan for " stuff " for the baby and under plan on financial matters .

You don't need much baby stuff and you will get given a lot nearer the time.

SandyY2K · 06/12/2016 18:43

It sounds like you're already reflecting on things, which is a step in the right direction. I'm really not trying to be harsh on you, but I see so many times, where women give up what they want .... or follow a man around the world while his career flourishes .... then they leave you high and dry. With 20 years experience as a SAHM and outdated work experience.

Never loose sight of who you are as a person and what you want. Men will come and go, but you shouldn't have to change your future for them and cast your own hopes/dreams aside.

Notmyweek2 · 06/12/2016 18:45

Il be taking the whole 52 weeks of maternity leave.

I won't be able to go back to work after as I have absolutely no one to look after the baby.

I can afford all costs whilst on maternity whether he pays Child maintenance or not, once it ends, I will need it.

I will be breastfeeding for a year minimum so milk will be free.