Onit's still on it! Thread 3

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Hello to anyone who's still here

Links to previous threads.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2690159-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me-follow-up-thread-Onits-on-it

I'm carrying on with this as I'm certain I'd be in a much unhappier state without the support I've received here.
This has become my journal of sorts and I hope it's something I can look back on in time to see how far I've come.
I also hope it helps to document the truth of my situation for the future and perhaps, if read by others, will offer help and hope to them too.

Well, nigel I didn't have a proper ride out iykwim but I did give my stables a thorough mucking out

That's a very good question mix
And I supposed the answer is, I don't know for certain.

I guess there are some hints at red flags now you ask directly.
He travels for work so is unavailable at times (though has never left a message unanswered for more than a couple of hours during the working day)
We do chat throughout the day a LOT! If he's at home with the missus she would definitely notice.
It rings true when he talks about his dc. And has talked lots about wishing he had more time with them.

I haven't mentioned the reason I'm single, or what LCB did. I don't want to talk about that yet. So I guess I've avoided asking him about his last relationship so he doesn't ask me about mine.
I guess I am more naive than I thought
And he could be wondering if I'm married too I suppose.

I will ask him straight out though as I'd hate to think some poor woman is feeling what I felt during those months of knowing but not knowing.

I feel bad for not asking him outright to his face now and annoyed at myself.

Your amazing onit, I am in awe of you.
Such a hard thing to do to go out and meet a bloke for a date.😍😍.
A relationship with anyone is a risk and we never ever really know anyone, look what our LCB did to us so with this new guy he could be spinning you a yarn or he could be what he is telling you.
Only will time will tell and you can ask these questions as you get to know him better.
It's great you've had the confidence to go out and meet someone.
A great confidence boost .
Just ask him the more difficult questions when you want.
It sounds like you had a fab time out with him, sounds like there was a spark there 😜 And you had some good fun also, 😃😃
Brilliant 💗💗

Don't feel bad onit it's not an easy question to ask mid date!

Well done on getting the stables seen to!

Sorry to have hit a nerve, I just worry that you may find he is "taken" & is looking for FWB, and you get hurt over again, doubley so, if you feel remorse for the W.

I think someone had to ask the question and Im glad Mix had the courage to do it. So on that basis Im going to have the courage to ask - When he had a drink was it alcoholic? You see the first thing I thought of was - was he drinking and driving, or was he pretty sure he was going to be staying over so didnt have to think about alcohol? Or did he have a coke or something .

I understand that may be a really daft question but for now I can't articulate why Im asking it.

Does everybody on the dating threads get asked these silly questions?

Does everybody on the dating threads get asked these silly questions? hmm

Ive no idea and couldn't care less either way, and Im quite sure Onit knows her pals here well enough to be able to tell us we're talking out hole in our hat if she feels like it.

What a great date. Glad the stables got a mucking out (your phrase made me laugh).

People on this thread care about onit so it's natural to be concerned and ask questions, just like you would to a 'real life' friend.

Moreslack
This is not a dating thread ! How very very far from the mark you are.

I've been on all these threads (lurking mainly) I know it's not a dating thread!

I was just asking if it's MN standard to ask people when they've had a good date to be "careful, are yiu SURE he's not married?" Etc

I'm not trying to be a gf! Calm down!

Wouldn't you want to know if the guy you mucked out the stables with was actually available before get emotionally enmeshed ?

Aye... but there is such a thing as a single guy!

I know there are quite a few threads about this but I think in the grand scheme of things it is still quite unusual for guys from dating sites to turn out to be married.

Still def worth being cautious and checking. I just don't want you to feel bad for not asking as it's a hard/awkward/slightly accusative thing to say and I don't think it's as common as the relationships board might have you think (as it's skewed to bad situations when people need help).

Anyway - I'm glad you had some bloody fun!

I'm married to someone I met on a dating site. (I don't think onit wants to go that far! 😂)

Before that I met probably around ten people and none of them turned out to be married either (the ones I went on a repeat date with or shagged anyway) This was five years ago.

I think this guy sounds legit. I'm delighted for onit.

People on this thread care about onit so it's natural to be concerned and ask questions, just like you would to a 'real life' friend

Spot on Agatha - the regular posters on Onits threads care about her very much.

And I know what bothered me about him having a drink - it kind of implied he knew the ropes, that he could have a drink cos he wasn't going to be driving home. I didn't want him to be a chancer.

I didn't want him to be a chancer.

Or as we say in Scotland - I didn't want him to be a fleh man.

Erm I care about onit too! ffs stop with the "top trumps" cos you post more than I do! You have no idea re mine and onit's relationship.

I just don't like her being warned about this and that when she's glowing post date. We have all been there for her and love that she's moving on from wankery arse LCB after months and months of his fucktard ways.

Erm I care about onit too! ffs stop with the "top trumps" cos you post more than I do! You have no idea re mine and onit's relationship

You really are a piece of work and as far as Im concerned best left ignored from now on in.

Fine 😂

MrsPW he had a Diet Coke and questioned why I had wine.

I'm pretty sure he's an ok guy but I'm also pretty sure I won't fall for him. There's a spark but it's physical not emotional.
I'm still chatting to other people on POF (though I have no intention of meeting anyone else; yet)

I'm blessed to have so many friends who care so much about me. And I count all of you on this thread as my friends.
I appreciate you asking me these things as I'm not used to this situation at all and need a little guidance.

I'm at work but will try to come back later tonight

MrsPW he had a Diet Coke smile and questioned why I had wine

Thats good Onit because I didn't want you being taken advantage of and having your pipes mucked out by a fleh man.

And the fact that somewhere he might be telling his pals about his night out with you and they're saying be careful cos she sounds as if she know the ropes is neither here nor there.

He seemed genuinely surprised that I had a room booked.
Thinking about the married thing too I guess if he was he might've come up with a reason not to stay.
He didn't shower before he left in the morning either.

Anyway, we're arranging another date for Monday afternoon and he's driving most of the way to me. We'll meet in the city. I haven't told him where I live andvive no intention of doing so yet.
I know his dcs names, he doesn't know mine.
I've been very guarded about personal stuff.

Enjoy Onit !
In no way was I intending to put the dampers onit !!!! (sic)
Just hoping that all is in place for happiness, & a good mucking out

Oh hello, another date already!
Stables mucked out, hahaha.
Love you onit (disclaimer-may still be a tad drunk from last night-but I still Bloody loves ya)

Love you too nigel