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Anyone up? DH is leaving me follow up thread. Onit's on it!!

(408 Posts)
onitlikeacarbonnet Wed 20-Jul-16 22:26:47

Link to my last thread.

http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me?msgid=62446916

Namechangingme Wed 20-Jul-16 22:29:52

Brill to see things are trucking ahead for you lovely flowers

GipsyDanger Wed 20-Jul-16 22:42:06

Hope you are sleeping better smile

tiredvommachine Wed 20-Jul-16 22:42:58

flowers

onitlikeacarbonnet Wed 20-Jul-16 22:51:21

Just off to bed now.
DC got a summer camp thing tomorrow. So need to be up and out pretty early.
I am hoping for more than 6 hours but we'll see I guess.

BustingOut Wed 20-Jul-16 22:52:47

Onit is on it and getting over it!? What an inspiration you are. Keep getting stronger every day you are doing so well flowers

Just checking in to see how well you're doing smile

agentmarmalade Thu 21-Jul-16 00:19:58

I've been reading your thread over the past few days now and just wanted to stop by and say Well done for everything you have achieved so far. I bet when all this started you never knew how strong you really are! flowers
Keep up the good work x

Dowser Thu 21-Jul-16 00:37:25

Amazing.
You are really kicking ( his sorry) ass!

GeekyWombat Thu 21-Jul-16 06:04:28

Just caught up with the last few pages of your other thread. You're awesome. Loving how discombobulated he is by efficient, capable you. You're definitely well rid!

Hope you're sleeping better, congrats on the new house.

flowers

6demandingchildren Thu 21-Jul-16 10:10:31

I'm in awe of you. Read every post and I think you are amazing, I would find it hard to do half the things you have while keeping a level head and I wouldn't be able to do any of it with lack of sleep.
FYI my son and his husband split 18 months ago and I'm still very close to my sil and he still calls me mum and he is hopefully spending this Christmas with us. Just because my son was a foolish arse doesn't mean my love for sil had to diminish.

AgathaF Thu 21-Jul-16 10:15:18

I hope this thread sees you sleeping better, getting the financial stuff sorted to your benefit, and making a start in moving on in your new life.

You're doing great - just need to keep doing what you're doing.

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 21-Jul-16 10:19:14

He's now "disappointed" in my reluctance to discuss contact hmm

He is off to his solicitors today and has a draft of our agreed financial separation document.
This is what is required urgently in order to proceed with the sale of our house. I want it urgently in order to formalise the offer on a new home for DC and me; he wants it so he doesn't have to pay the mortgage for the next 2 years at least.

We had a stand up row about custody which ended in him throwing me out on Tuesday night.
I don't think continuing this part of our discussion is conducive to this.

We have agreed contact for the duration of the holidays. We have 4 weeks left to thrash it out.

Am I being unreasonable to postpone discussions for a few days? I don't feel it's necessary when we are so close to agreeing the finances.
If we hadn't sold the house I doubt we'd be this far on with either side of the agreement. From what I've read, it could've taken months. It's been 5 weeks since he left.

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 21-Jul-16 10:21:27

He isn't aware I have my eye on a particular house though obviously he knows I'm looking.
I don't want him to know I'm so keen on this. It's none of his business anyway.

Euphemia Thu 21-Jul-16 10:45:42

I think you're handling this beautifully. Getting the house and finances sorted out first will make everything so much easier thereafter. Easier doesn't seem an appropriate word to use in such a horrendous situation, but I hope you know what I mean!

His access demands are ridiculous: every weekend?! Where the fuck has he got the idea that he can ask for that?! Hopefully his solicitor will clarify that for him.

I'm excited for you at the thought of the new house - a fresh start! smile

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 21-Jul-16 10:52:29

He hasn't responded to my reply.

I told him I'm disappointed that he wants to delay signing our agreement which could jeopardise the sale. And questioned if that's what he wants.

I've told him I'm eager to get on with discussing contact but would like to get this done first.

tiredvommachine Thu 21-Jul-16 10:56:57

I'm sure you're disappointed he decided to break his marriage vows.
Fucking diddums.

Wanker.

ConkersDontScareSpiders Thu 21-Jul-16 11:07:23

Disappointed hmm
You can discuss custody when you are ready to if you have sorted out the next couple of months. Tell him you are 'disappointed' that he came up with such a ludicrous custody proposal, and are waiting for his more realistic ideas on the matter before there can be any sensible discussion on it.

FantasticButtocks Thu 21-Jul-16 11:56:25

He can be as 'disappointed' as he likes. You are presumably disappointed total understatement with his behaviour. Why don't you say to him that you are also keen to sort contact, but in view of the way talks have gone so far, you'd like to suggest you do that bit through mediation. Then he'll need to wait until an appointment for that comes up.

Dowser Thu 21-Jul-16 12:02:59

I'll never forget when I knew my marriage had hit the pan. February 2004 . From them on it was an increasingly painful downward spiral that involved two other women until our subsequent divorce in April 2008 where he left, came back, left again, got nasty, got nastier, played mind games...

I cried rivers, got angry, wised up, fought back.
All that took its toll onmy health.

What you've achieved in 5 weeks is pretty amazing.

Be very, very proud of yourself.

UptheAnty Thu 21-Jul-16 12:07:05

You're doing an amazing job onit flowers

Keep your cards very close and your head screwed on.

He's "disappointed"? Ha ha... He's surprised more like.... Onit, you've been married for years with 2 dc... Does he even know you at all??

What the fuck did he think you'd do?
You don't just turn into kick ass superwoman overnight, you must have been strong for years.

AgathaF Thu 21-Jul-16 13:27:34

He's now "disappointed" in my reluctance to discuss contact - oh the poor little lamb.

<Tosser>

mrsbrightside3 Thu 21-Jul-16 13:57:27

I'm not sure why he is kicking off if you have agreed a plan for the next 4 weeks. I'd understand if you'd been funny with him or denied contact.... Unless he is paranoid!

I'm intrigued what his solicitor will say / recommend. Fingers crossed for you.

mix56 Thu 21-Jul-16 14:08:36

His solicitor will tell him he has been too generous.

So you keep the contact issue on the back burner until he signs as agreed.
You don't even know where you will be living as he has done a number on you. No roof over your head is unlikely to be conducive to being able to discuss hypothetical w/e contact.......

onitlikeacarbonnet Thu 21-Jul-16 15:54:26

Have spoken to the conveyancer dealing with our sake and he has assured me that, so long as our minute of agreement is signed by the conclusion of the missives on our sale, I can formally offer on the place I want for me and the kids. So I have done just that.
Offer has been formally submitted. Not formally accepted yet but have requested an entry date to coincide with the family home changing hands.
Could be in our new house in 50 days!

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