Onit's still on it! Thread 3

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Hello to anyone who's still here

Links to previous threads.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2690159-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me-follow-up-thread-Onits-on-it

I'm carrying on with this as I'm certain I'd be in a much unhappier state without the support I've received here.
This has become my journal of sorts and I hope it's something I can look back on in time to see how far I've come.
I also hope it helps to document the truth of my situation for the future and perhaps, if read by others, will offer help and hope to them too.

Onit, my daughter took 2 years out of work to do her Masters then around about the same time you went back to work she also did. I phone her and the first thing I say is are you ok love? You don't sound that great. And the first thing she replies is its so hard getting back into the swing of things at work and here at home now Im working. She also tells me she spent the weekend on the couch - and thats without a broken heart, and children.

I think you're doing really well. And yes, things like photos hurt. Lots of things can still hurt but as time goes on you'll be able to tell yourself ok, Im going to feel shitty for a day, then it will be half a day, then it will be an hour, and eventually it will be for the briefest of moments. But sadly this will only happen by going through it so its important that you see this for what it is - a blip.

xxxx

nearly the w/e onit, do you have to work ? how are you ?

Also just checking in to see how you are onit?

Just in from work.
I'm better. Sorry if I was worrying anyone.
I've had a week of not very much because my new boiler was finally fitted yesterday
Took 3 days and I was without heat and hot water; but I've smiled a lot this week. Well, after the massive slump on Tuesday.

My friends encouraged me to join plenty of fish a few weeks ago. I did but didn't put a photo up till Wednesday night.
Maybe they can smell the broken heart and need for positive attention (and also want an easy shag) but I had/have had a lot of messages.
But this one guy has me all of a quiver
Anyway, my counsellor said I needed to ask for positive ego strokes and I guess that's what I did. I feel more attractive and sexy than I have in years, maybe ever, and I suppose the embers of my self esteem are starting to smoke.
I had an out an out booty call from a 21 year old boy
Obviously I said no but talk about an ego boost.

Anyway. Just wanted to check in and share. Sure this guy will fizzle out but at least I'm seeing what's out there and safely exercising my flirting muscles. And one of these days I might go on a date . I've never been on a date except with LCB and one bloke from work when I was 19 and we didn't even kiss at the end of it.

I hope you are all ok. You guys feel like family to me. You're my grown ups. I haven't any of them in real life and I am grateful everyday for you all
I didn't notice the gin before! Cool

Good on you Onit! Onwards n upwards x

Oh, go on girl

Well, jings crivens and help ma boab!

Onits on a roll!!!!!!

I think we need a cartwheel emoji!

Ah great news Onit! Especially about the ego boosts (and why the hell not!). You should lap it up and like you say, maybe one day you'll fancy a date! Glad you're feeling a bit better.

Thanks folks.
Chats getting a bit hot n heavy with this one guy. He's older by a fair bit but I've always gone for younger guys so time for a change.
We've discussed meeting but no specifics. We seem to click but I'm worried the spark that's there in spades online will be missing in real life. But there's only one way to find out.
I'll keep you posted

Chats getting a bit hot n heavy with this one guy.

Ive forgotten what hot and heavy is. Can you remind me pls?

Fan bloody tastic Onit. I love "exercising my flirting muscles" - an ego boost is not to be sniffed at .

!!! Love it !!!!

I feel like an infatuated teenager!
I have flipped a switch on my libido and it's making up for years of disuse/misuse
This guy is unlikely to be mr right (and he has given no indication he's after much more than fun) but I'm aware and absolutely not in the market for a relationship either.
Friends with benefits would be perfect. And all the better if the benefits are a lot of kisses and mind blowing sex, both of which have been sadly lacking and are much missed.

Im absolutely flabbergasted at how quickly things have turned around here.

Sorry mMrsPW
I'm a bit flabbergasted myself tbh.

In other news, Ds had another moment on Sunday when LCB dropped him back home. He was obviously shattered (LCB appears to have forgotten their bedtime ) and he actually ran away down the street and was saying he didn't want to come home.
LCB was hanging around hugging him trying to talk him round by saying he'd have to come in no matter what as he was going to work (at 7pm on a Sunday night? Aye, right! TELL YOUR SON THE FUCKING TRUTH FOR ONCE!!! )
I ended up having to tell LCB to leave as his hanging about was making Ds worse.

I got him in the house and he was upset but mostly put on (I know what his proper cry is like) so I went off to make them toast.
He came round slowly after eating and we went upstairs to get ready for bed.
He talked a little about wanting daddy to come back. He actually said he wanted to "turn back time"
I told him that he was entitled to his feelings and that sometimes I felt like that too but we couldn't do that. Daddy wasn't happy with mummy, not them, and decided he wanted to be with someone else. That he'd hurt me a lot and because of that I would never have him back. I tried to reassure him that he wouldn't feel like this forever either. That time moves on. And sadness fades. Mummy still feels sad too sometimes but overall I'm much happier since we got our own team home. Dd piped up that she didn't feel sad. "I'm fine, mummy!"
He didn't say much but snuggled in for stories. And when I tucked him in we chatted more. He apologised for not wanting to come in and not wanting cuddles. I told him it was fine that I loved him and that if he needed to say those things I'd still love him. That I wasn't going to go anywhere.
I asked if he said these things to daddy and he said no. I told him he should try because daddy can answer some of his questions that I can't. I told him I wasn't going anywhere. No matter his behaviour. When he wanted to talk I'd be there, always.

I really feel that he's blaming himself for daddy going and he thinks if he tells daddy he's unhappy, he'll go away all together.
I found out they'd been left at their gp's again on Saturday night as daddy and his girlfriend were going to a party. ( Is it any wonder my son feels abandoned and that daddy doesn't love him enough

Anyway I need to get ready for work now.
I'm knackered. More hot n heavy chat before sleep last night
I don't recognise myself. It's nice to feel like this again. I thought that I'd never want to have sex again, but it appears I was wrong

Ah it's so hard for the kids to get their heads round it. My dd2 was having.A full on panic attack this morning and refusing to go to school. H has been talking to her 'casually' about his girlfriend.It has freaked her right out and it all came out this morning.I have no idea how to address this with him, as he is asking why she was off today (had to keep her off as she was sobbing hysterically). I will no doubt get the blame for it somehow.
She can't get her head around someone who was once my best mate now being her dads girlfriend and the fact that we kids, in her mind-will now be her step siblings (made worse by the fact that she doesn't really like them).
I think you've said the right things onit-who can know what's best to do in these situations.Its impossible!

I love this spring in your step onit. Lovely to have a bit of a bunk up on the go

That's the thing nigel, the dc are manifesting their headfucks in behaviour at home (i.e. With the parent who was left) and probably shows no signs (or those signs are ignored or stifled) when with the parent who left.

I am sure LCB was trying to figure out how he could use what happened on Sunday to his advantage with his lawyer/the mediator. But you, me and every other parent who stayed, knows that the dc don't act out to the other parent because they think they're going to be left again.
LCB will be thinking he's struck gold. I only hope the mediator is used to this scenario and can explain it to him.

It's a total number, You have said all you can, trying to reassure them that you will always be there, & they need to understand that Daddy still loves them, but not you. personally I would not be squeaky clean, I would tell them he has acted badly, but because you have them, you will survive.
As for LCB, I would give him both barrels at the Mediators, (who will doubtless have seen this before)
The problem obviously is that if they tell him what they are feeling he is unlikely to take any blame & just say it was your fault !!
Catch22
fortunately, with time, they will understand, & realise just who their father is.

I think any psychologist will tell you that children act up with the person they feel most secure with, which is obviously you, onit, because clearly that is the person they feel safe with and that they trust to stay and accept them. I think LCB is on shaky ground if he tries to make anything out of that.

Just checking in to see how y'are onit and wish you a happy weekend

Thanks nigel! I'm good thanks.

I'm looking forward to a rare chance to dress up tomorrow when 2 of my friends and I go to a very posh hotel for afternoon tea.
My dsis is watching the dc.

Cracking-I'm out out tomorrow too-I'm going to go and buy a new too tomorrow and everything.sadly excited!!

Ive been out tonight. I was at the Opera. I was all dolled up and even wore my lace topped sheer black stockings. I'd forgotten how nice it felt to wear them.

Have a great time tomorrow girls.

xx

Ds had his class assembly today.
I got a text from LCB saying he was going and would I be prepared to sit together for ds's sake ()
I made an effort with my make up and hair.
I looked good.
He was late, walked up to where I was sitting next to my friend. He said hello to her then sat next to me.
I neither acknowledged him nor looked in his direction.
My friend asked if I was going to speak to him and I said I had nothing to say.

I'd love to go to the opera MrsPW

I'll add it to my bucket list