Onit's still on it! Thread 3

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Hello to anyone who's still here

Links to previous threads.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2690159-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me-follow-up-thread-Onits-on-it

I'm carrying on with this as I'm certain I'd be in a much unhappier state without the support I've received here.
This has become my journal of sorts and I hope it's something I can look back on in time to see how far I've come.
I also hope it helps to document the truth of my situation for the future and perhaps, if read by others, will offer help and hope to them too.

forgot inverted commas ! soz

I haven't posted on your threads before but I would like to wish you a fantastic 2017. Your strength has awed me in 2016 and you deserve all the happiness in the world.

Threads like these show to women that there definitely is light at the end of the tunnel. You are doing so so well.

Ditto what Pixie said. I've been following your threads as I've unfortunately found myself in a similar situation to you and many others who post on MN.

I've taken a lot of strength from people like yourself, who have acted with such dignity whilst going through such an incredibly painful time.

Just want to say Happy New Year.... onwards and upwards lovely Onit 💗 xx

Hi onit,
Binge read all 3 of your threads in 2 days... it's 3am and my eyes are sore but I was so close to being up to date.

Just want to say a massive 'well done' to you, the strength and resilience you have shown over the last 6 months really is something.

How nice is it that all these people took time out to be with you along this journey and offer all the advice they have? I have learnt so much from them!

I am so glad you and the DC had a good Christmas, wishing you all the best for 2017. Just out of curiosity, what did LCB get you on behalf of DC?

Happy New Year to all of the lovely women posting here.

2017 is for us!

With love from me.

Xxxxx

Happy new year to you all!

Was very glad to see the back of 2016 but, while I'm very stressed about the future I'm also optimistic. I didn't shed one tear at midnight though I might today as my dc are going with him to my pil.

I need to gut the house today as I haven't lifted a finger since Christmas Eve. But I'll wait till they leave at 12.

Then I have to look at the letter from his solicitor in more detail. I'll probably be back to get help with that later.

I always feel a sense of relief a few days into the new year - it's like I can bundle up all of the crap of the previous year and metaphorically put it in the bin.

A spring clean for heart, health and home.

For a number of years now I haven't had to spring clean my heart and it suprising how much lighter I felt once I let go of all the bad stuff...7 years ago my ex beat the living daylights out of me on new years eve. 7 years later I'm married to a wonderful man, and have a beautiful daughter.

May 2017 bring you strength and happiness. This is the year to let go.

X

mrsDilligaf sorry you went through that but how great to hear how far you have come.

MrsD
I can only imagine what you went through.

Happy New Year, Onit! Lang may yer lum (in your new wee cosy home) reek!

Happy new year all...
Managed to lock myself out of my account somehow and forgot my password!

Feel better for getting most of the Christmas stuff down-thank god that's over and done with! Onwards and upwards onit

Happy new year onit

It'll be very therapeutic for you today to get a grip on your house-I usually find it very satisfying.

I know it will bring difficulties for you going back to work but on the other hand it may also be productive for you..
I know I found my job very helpful in distracting me and giving me a break from my own head iyswim. It could open doors for you socially and don't worry about the dc- pasta & pesto is your friend!!!

Oh and happy new year to all the great people on this thread 🍾🍾

That's a lovely way of putting it mrs dillingaf.
I like that...a spring clean
I like to have the xmas tree taken down so by new year it's a fresh start.
We haven't had a good one yet.
News years eve day I felt unwell but rallied for the evening meal
New Year's Day I was still very poorly
Yesterday we had an awful shock. My dil's mum died suddenly . That was a huge reminder of th tenuous hold we have on life.
I m hoping today , a year since dh 's stroke that things are going to start getting better.
Every day I give my house and body a mental spring clean and put my suit of protection on to help me deal with the stresses on everyday life.
What you said about giving your heart a spring clean resonated with me.

Dowser what a shock, sympathies to you all Here's to a spring clean and a suit of protection for us all

Sorry to hear that Dowser X

Oh dowser that's awful. My condolences to your dil and family

I like the idea of a spring clean.
So as a physical purge, I've started back on my healthy eating/exercise kick I started last year. Kind of went to pot in June though I kept steadily losing weight due to not eating at all really. I've 18lbs to go to my target. And I did my first run of the year yesterday.
Mentally, I guess I'll keep up on here which helps me get my thoughts in order, and I'll keep up therapy as long as I can afford it.

I guess the literal spring clean will happen or not depending on how I cope with work.

My main concerns are the unknowns and rationally I know there's no point in worrying about what might or might not happen.
I'll get back to work and I'll see how that goes. I'll apply for a mortgage and see how that works out.
I wish I could get my brain to stop catastrophising at 3 in the morning. I'll need to get my head round the latest letter and see my own lawyer (and try to ignore the worry of what that's costing me )

Thank you all.
Bonnet am a bit confused about mortgage application, I thought you were able to purchase your house outright.

Hope all is going well for you .;-)

I think onit had more than half of the equity, (temporarily ?) so needs to repay LCB once she has a salary.
Obviously he will have to wait until someone is prepared to lend her the money. or put her & 3DCs out on the street.

2Dcs

That must have been such a shock dowser. I am sorry.

Onit your weight loss has been amazing. Good to go running (if your knees are good enough for it, mine aren't!). Exercise is so good for that 'feel good' feeling.

We always leave our Xmas decs until the 5th, but I must admit to being a bit fed up of them now. Looking forward to a good clean up tomorrow when they come down.

Dowser must have been a dreadful shock - my sympathy is with you all.

I will try to explain this as best I can (because if I think about it too much even I think I sound crackers...)

My ex was a vile, nasty piece of work. Truly awful and it took me from NYE until Burns Night to actually leave him. He proposed to me once he finished beating me up. I said yes. If I'd said no, he probably would have killed me.

Leaving was hard because I felt that if I had been kinder/nastier/worked less/worked more/danced naked around Morrisons he wouldn't be so bad. It was all my fault...it wasn't. He was an appalling human.

BUT if I saw him now I would say "Thank you. You're a massive c**t, but thank you. What you put me through was designed to break me and it didn't. It made me stronger. Your abuse made me leave and if you hadn't been so vile I would have led a nondescript life. My life is all the better for having gone through what you did to me. Now, do fuck off under a stone and die you utter cretin"

Leaving him made me examine my life in minute detail. I re-evaluated everything from friendships to what was in my knicker drawer. I left no stone unturned and when I was done I felt alive, like I'd been through a metamorphosis.

That's right mix I got all the equity which he agreed to because otherwise I wouldn't agree to sell.

As long as I can get a mortgage based on my entire income and not just my wage, I will be able to pay him back and then I plan on actually having that exact conversation, face to face, with LCB that MrsD described. He never hit me but the further from him I get the more I can see he beat me down into a shell of a woman by his control and manipulation. So subtle it was like I was choosing it.

I hope the metamorphosis happens for me too. I've certainly had a physical change. I'm only 2/3rds the woman I was this time last year. I'm healthy.
I need the emotional change. But I'm guessing I need to be more patient on that score.

I think the emotional change is happening already onit. Your posts show that. Your increasing awareness of the reality of your relationship, your gaining self-confidence. You've been through a lot and come out of it having done the right thing, with your children close to you. You've survived and achieved.

Good news today!

I went into work today and got a few things sorted out for starting back on Sunday but...

I've got all my holidays for this year still to take so I'm taking 3 weeks now. I'm not back til jan 31st 😃 and I'm getting to carry over 2 weeks to next year.
I've got the Feb school holidays I need and been told it's highly unlikely I'll have my request for term time turned down, so I'm much less stressed than I was.
Not sure how my finances will stack up but I'll be here for the kids and won't need to rely on LCB at all which is all I want. I'll worry about money when I see what's coming in. I'll be on holiday but I'll be earning my own money again.
Scary, but I feel much, much better after spending an hour or so in the building and being reassured that whatever I need, they'll accommodate as long as it is feasible. I was crying all over the shop (literally ).

I can't wait to see the bastards face when he realises he hasn't forced me into a full time job with no flexibility and his own "flexible" job still isn't part time with most of the school holidays off. He won't be taking my dc away for the majority of the holidays because I can't be there. Because I will be there. I'm sure I'll be punished for it in some way but I'm not sure how much more ammunition he's holding. I'm hoping his ability to hurt me is getting less and less.

I can use the next 3 weeks to fill my freezer and hopefully the side effects of my drugs will have worn off a little and I won't be so tired.
I