Onit's still on it! Thread 3

[onitlikeacarbonnet]

Hello to anyone who's still here

Links to previous threads.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2658829-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2690159-Anyone-up-DH-is-leaving-me-follow-up-thread-Onits-on-it

I'm carrying on with this as I'm certain I'd be in a much unhappier state without the support I've received here.
This has become my journal of sorts and I hope it's something I can look back on in time to see how far I've come.
I also hope it helps to document the truth of my situation for the future and perhaps, if read by others, will offer help and hope to them too.

You are right onit I know.Thankyou
No point in wallowing I suppose-ive three full on days at work to get through plus all birthday and Christmas prep.
I'm working through my lists-it's the only way I'll make sure I make myself do it all.

HI there, Im trying to get used to new varifocal glasses so not posting much and if I dont get the hang of them by friday Im changing to something else.

I'll also be around on Christmas day due to the time difference and Im up for a natter.

I usually have upwards of 40 family and friends here on the day but my son is too unstable this year so I'll have Christmas with him when he wakes up, its really over for him once he opens his presents, then I'll be at my eldest daughters by 7.30 for the children to get up and by 9am all of my other children and grandchildren will have arrived for present opening and brunch. By 12.30 Ill be home to finish off the lunch that my sons carers will have put in the oven according to a list, then at 2.30 we'll have lunch. My son gets to steal the turkey legs every year so the rest of us get whats left, its one of our traditions and no one cares. This years lunch is my son eating alone as he always does, me, the carers, my housekeeper, and my husbands oldest friend who's in the county on holiday and is coming to me as usual - and yes its not gone down well but he doesnt care. About 6 Ive been invited to a gathering my eldest son and his wife are going to, its a family thing and will have gone on all day and the host really wants me to meet his mother in law who's Turkish. Its a gathering on lots of locals who have foreign wives and should be fun. I think I'll go. I like to meet the other grandparents from far away lands - its what usually happens at mine. In the past I've even had almost the entire crew of an aircraft sitting here in their uniforms straight off a flight when my son said to them on the crew bus - anyone who has nowhere to go today can come to my mums. Most of them had no where to go.

Im hoping we can one day get back to our usual Christmas, I love a big crowd at home and Im not bothered if Ive never met them before. My own family really is a mini united nations, I had the rainbow family long before Brangelina, but sadly my sons health shows no signs of improving anytime soon and for now it has to be all about him and his well being.

Christmas is such a stressful time.
That sounds full on MrsPW

I had an appointment today to discuss my future options regarding contraception. My coil is coming to the end of its life and I've been having some spotting etc.
Doc suggested that spotting could be sti related and, when I told her LCB had cheated on me she recommended testing for gonorrhoea and chlamydia.
I had been thinking of going to the gum clinic anyway but, what a lovely start to my day

I've also just dropped the dc at LCBs. I'm ok. I told them before they left that I would miss them and I would like to speak to them tomorrow. Dd insisted I Skype as she wants to see me and Ds was excited that I'd be organising Christmas food. The boy is all about his belly .

Got a letter from LCBs solicitor this afternoon but haven't done more than skim read it. I'm going to try and ignore it for the next week or so anyway. It makes me sad that LCB would send me this stuff so close to Christmas when all I can do is worry about it and not 'do' anything.

LCB, is good to form then. what a complete total unsufferable Dick...
If he has given you any clap, then please TELL everyone, down to his mother.
The kids are already missing you ! be sure that of it !
Have a good evening with your Bestie (tonight ?)

"& this too will pass"

that of it ? = of that ! drrrr

I'm losing time again but trying to not feel guilty. I'm missing my dc but taking advantage of being alone.
I will start wrapping tonight and do the last shop for food tomorrow. Cleaning will get done (or not)
The drugs have made me ridiculously tired. I've already had a nap on the sofa and I didn't get out of bed till after 9

Hope you're all enjoying (or at least not killing yourselves) getting ready for the big day.

Hows your back onit ? I hope it eases up with a slower rhythm over a couple of days...... It sounds like you are surviving. Well done.
Happy Christmas, Things in the New Year will get better.

It's a little better but lazing around today hasn't helped. And I'm a little spaced out with the drugs I think.

My friend stayed a few hours last night and it was a good distraction. I've been ok today. Missing them but no more than normal really.

Just about to get the wrapping underway. I texted LCB half an hour ago asking to Skype but he's not replied.
Just had a call now. They've gone to see something at the theatre.
They're having fun.

I hate that mofo so much it actually makes my blood boil.

Time to wrap presents

Good luck today nigel and I hope your Dd has a great time at her party.

Thankyou onit.
Mine has just been to pick the girls up-in a foul temper. He has had a stomach ache this week so I asked if he was feeling better? He said, all woe is me, that he felt as if his 'body was breaking down'. I said, to attempt to lighten the mood 'blimey-have you considered that it might be Ecoli? Or some rare tropical disease? Get to the dr!' He snapped 'it's just a saying Nigel, can't I even be ill?'
He's got a slightly upset stomach FFS... he went out last night, he's no dying! I can't see the next few days being very cheery for any of us at this rate

You can do it nigel! Just don't comment on anything that doesn't require it. You sound like me - sarcasm is a reflex . I know LCB hates it.

I have braved Sainsbury's and finished my food shop. Yay me!
I still have tons of wrapping to do and ham to cook but I'm prioritising pressies while the dc aren't here. My living room looks like toysrus threw up in it
I have eggs for lunch first though.

Feeling positive for the first time in a while.

I know. I do need to bite my tongue a bit-but its a crap enough situation as it is without him walking around pretending to be dying.
Ive done good shop, wrapped, dropped presents off.
Waiting for the DD's to get back so we can start on their hair for the party. They are so exited. Dd1 has bought a new outfit which she looks lovely in, but also about 25 😢

Me too, nearly all my jobs up to date. cards posted (some have arrived :o) presents bought & wrapped, food bought, (mega mince pie saga tomorrow) off to tackle the bastard ironing mountain....
My head hurts... (but won't be whingeing.)
You sound a lot better Onit

Such a nice feeling when the shopping's done and the pressies are wrapped. Time to chill out a bit then. I've just got a few more to wrap and a couple of Christmas type emails to send.

Hope your back is recovering onit.

Almost everything is wrapped apart from my own gifts to myself (from Santa). That seems so sad but my very sweet dc were concerned I wouldn't get anything, so I told them that, though Santa doesn't usually bring gifts for grown ups, he might leave something for me this year.
I treated myself to a bracelet.

I still have the ham to cook but I can do it tomorrow if necessary.
I have no plans for me and the dc tomorrow except decorating biscuits, new pjs, pizza, movies, popcorn, board games and an after dinner drive to collect my cousin before getting them home to scatter the reindeer food and sort out santas plate of goodies before getting them to bed. I hope that'll be enough to keep us all occupied.

Hello there

Just nippin in on my broomstick to have a natter.

So how are things here? Well my wee 6 your old granddaughter broke her arm in two places on the trampoline yesterday and to be honest everything has kind of gone arse over elbow so we've done the sensible thing and said to hell with it, what will be will be.

So the fact I may have added a bit too much liquid glucose to my icing and its kind of flowing over the sides of my cake like molten lava instead of standing to attention like snowy peaks on a mountain side? I dont care.

That the presents for adults will be bunged in socks and not wrapped even though my 38 and 35 year old sons will have faces on them liked a smacked arse cos theyre big bairns at heart? Ah well.

The brunch menu has been reduced by half to save time? You'll all thank me when you stand on the scales in the new year

And whats left to do tomorrow? Well we'll try and get my son through the day without a major meltdown. He's really excited, its turned into a terrible anxiety, and to be frank anything could happen so its very much a day of low arousal.

Ive still got a quite a bit to do in the kitchen but most of all Im looking forward to Carols from Kings later in the day and a couple of Gins.

I had my husbands life long friend here today. They've been friends for about 58 years. It was nice and I was pleases he'd stood up to my husband and told him to get on his bike when he said I dont want you visiting PeelyWally. He's also coming for lunch on Christmas Day and has basically done his visit to this part of the world the way he always has done. We had some laughs but there was an element of sadness as well.

Noel, I hope your DD's enjoy the party.

Onit, that sounds like a fabulous day you have planned for tomorrow.

Agatha and Mix - you both sound well sorted.

MrsPW I hope your wee gd is ok
Sounds like dialling back is a good option. I remember when my stocking was actually one of my dad's socks.
Wrapping session is finished. Presents hidden away.
Forgot to buy anything for myself to eat tonight so I'm going to make a toastie.

My kids are going to be confused & forlorn as there will be no stocking on Xmas morning....... this is the first year, they are in their 20's !..... its all in one big bag under the Xmas tree, I haven't even wrapped individually.
I have also got 11, (yes ELEVEN ),bastard presents for the in laws & family we are going to Xmas day however...... & another lot for step son & family..... & MIL. I am certain I will get nothing from H.

I asked him to feed the dog earlier, had their been a refusal, I would have opened the wood burner & burned the whole lot.

I did token presents for inlaws this year. And it appears they've done the same for me.
I feel it's LCBs job to take care of them now.

I am looking forward to seeing what tat LCB has got me from the dc. My guess is whatever was on offer in Tesco last week.

It is his job now onit.nice that that you still did token gifts for them anyway.

Just got my big clean to do today, then a friends annual Christmas Eve party to go to later with the DD's.

Take it easy today onit-be lovely once they are back with you, then your Christmas can properly begin

Hello Bonnet and all you lovely ladies. I've been wondering how you all have been doing.
I've been away and somehow kept missing the updates to the thread but you have been in my thoughts and I have to say just how marvellously well you are all doing.

Bonnet, I really felt for you when you were struggling about medication. Don't feel guilty. Take what you need. It's like you're in a war time situation. Wondering if the bombs flying around have your name on them. No wonder you feel stressed and pressured and want to keep diving into your Anderson shelter...i.e. When you want to just veg out and make the world go away. Well done you though for getting back on that horse, having baths and showers and doing what's necessary. It might not be the perfect Christmas this year but it's just one or two days.

I cried like a baby last week on holiday. Mum died in November and what triggered the tears? Thinking of going to my aunt and uncle's on a Saturday. Remembering the teas we used to have. The China plates, the little butter knives. The slices of ham and a tomato on the plate. A jug of washed celery . Nice crusty bread ( as my auntie would say) and a plate of butter. Homemade cakes. Lemonade in glasses that had a cut pattern on the outside. I remember these details like yesterday because they were little rituals. My aunt shouting from the kitchen, can you get the table out Willum. Her pet name for him. They were such lovely people, my dad as well and now my mum has gone to join them.
Those little rituals were my security. Willum would see me eyeing the cakes and tease me, saying he wanted the one I had my eye on. It was only a tease because having had no children I was their world too. These are the things your children will remember. I can't remember any presents I got but I remember the love that flowed through my family like a river and yours will too.

They will make up their own minds about their dad, like I did about dad's side who weren't as nice or as affectionate as mum's side.

Show a child lots of love and affection, treat them gently and fairly and they are yours for life.

When I had to visit my dad's side. I just took it in my stride. They weren't nasty people they just didn't have much of a clue of how to entertain a young child.

That's how yours will be with their dad if he continues to be such an arse. Something and someone to be tolerated.

Meanwhile you are doing fantastic. Appreciate yourself for what you've done and how far you've come. So, ithe house might not be perfect. That won't matter to the kids....the love that's in it, the safety, the security...that's what matters.

Dowser, that is so touching & spot on.

Thank you mix. I have such lovely memories.

dowser what a perfect post!

Thanks dowser
They're home and playing on the wii and I managed a bath. We've opened all the doors on the advent calendars and played twister.
Going to put lunch on then do the biscuits.